noirandchocolate: Archchancellor’s Address I would like to take this opportunity to welcome
noirandchocolate: Archchancellor’s Address I would like to take this opportunity to welcome this year’s new students to Unseen University! You are to be congratulated! For, by being born humans, male, and finding the talent to become wizards, you have thrown a treble six in the great dice game that is Life! Well do I remember my first days at this College. Of course things were different then, rather than being the same as they are now. We no longer have characters like old ‘Bogeyboy’ Swallet, who took tutorials for more than three years after he was dead, or ‘Metabolic’ Stevenson, who once ate a live chicken by mistake. And I fondly recall ‘Bendy’ Twistler, who would hide behind the door of his study and actively try to kill any student who entered. We won’t see his like again!! Of course, many students only saw his like once, and that very briefly. Naturally, wizardry in those days was more competitive than it is now and Prof. Twistler took the view that any youngster who couldn’t fend off a simple axe blow had no business being here and would have come to a bad end in any case. Times move on, of course (except in that little stretch of corridor next to the laundry, where for some reason it is still last year–you will be given some instructions about this), and I can assure you that any attempts on your life in your First and Second years will be accidental or at least only the result of a practical joke by fellow students, and if we couldn’t laugh where would we be? I am always keen to see a sense of humour in my students although of course there are limits. You will receive a thorough grounding in Magical Theory and Practice besides instruction in the sub-discipline of your choice, although I must tell you that I have decided to suspend Practical Necromancy after that unfortunate business with the shovel. I realise that for many of you this will be your first time away from home, and I would like to think of us as one big family, with myself of course the father, and the Dean very well suited as a mother and the Bursar, for example, as that relative you have to go and visit every few weeks who smells rather peculiar. In loco parentis indeed. There is no doubt that we have a lot to learn from you young people, although I personally think I am already quite well informed on the subjects of being spotty, sulky, and wearing hats on backwards. Nevertheless, we are hear to listen to your little problems, perhaps rather too attentively in some cases, and I hope you will not hesitate to see me to discus any difficulties you may have, although of course there is no excuse for lack of hygiene. I have always found that a refreshing cold bath and a brisk morning run solve most problems. My door is always open. M. Ridcully Terry Pratchett & Stephen Briggs, “The Ankh-Morpork Archives”(illustration by Paul Kidby)(I enjoy how that first bit implies that the kids he’s talking to just kind of got the luck of the draw as to getting into UU, lol.) -- source link