– NEW FEATURES OF IPAD 3 INCLUDE VOUCHER TO CLAIM CLOTHING & PERSONAL EFFECTS
– NEW FEATURES OF IPAD 3 INCLUDE VOUCHER TO CLAIM CLOTHING & PERSONAL EFFECTS OF CHINESE LABORER WHO DIED MAKING IT– SIRI NOW COMES WITH “SNOOP DOGG VOICE” OPTION, SAYS THINGS LIKE “YO WHAT’S UP MY NIZZLE”– ENHANCED BATTERY LIFE COURTESY OF SMALL QUANTITY OF STEVE JOBS ECTOPLASM. HE IS DEAD SO THIS IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE. HE DIED LAST YEAR. IT IS HIS GHOST’S ECTOPLASM.– ICONS NOW 150% MORE SWAGGED OUT– CD-ROM DRIVE, MOUSE, KEYBOARD AVAILABLE AS UPGRADES– THERE WILL BE NO TOUCH SCREEN BECAUSE TOUCH SCREENS ARE “OVER”– GUARANTEED TO BE 30%-40% LESS INTERESTING TO CHILDREN SO YOU CAN FINALLY GET SOME FUCKING WORK DONE WITHOUT THEM ASKING FOR “ANGERY BIRDS” EVERY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES SHIT– BACK OF IPAD 3 WILL BE STUDDED WITH DIAMONDS SO EVERYONE ON THE TRAIN CAN KNOW WHAT A FUCKING BALLER YOU ARE -- source link
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