spaceboytoy: neverreallythoughtaboutthefuture: gluten-free-pussy:abloodymess:Roger Ebert just destro
spaceboytoy: neverreallythoughtaboutthefuture: gluten-free-pussy:abloodymess:Roger Ebert just destroying some specific kind of nerd(s). This touched a nerve lol everyone is big mad in the notes It’s not so much about touching a nerve than being wildly inaccurate. And yes, having very specific, targeted interests so happens to be a trait found in autism, some cases of ADHD, etc.I’ve studied to become a parrot behavior expert. Our teacher has high functioning autism and, while there is no collegial or university program specifically offering parrot ethnology / psychogenesis programs where I’m from, she’s been thoroughly going through so much scientific research and literature and her approach is so accurate that veterinary schools are inviting her to teach classes about parrot behavior.She’s also opened her own school (that doesn’t require any degree).Among her students, there was a more withdrawn, absolutely brilliant, caring, sensitive 17 y.o. autistic girl that we all had the pleasure and privilege to watch grow out of her shell, embrace who she is and her passion, and share her gifts with the rest of the world. She found herself in an environment where people shared her love for parrots, didn’t judge her or found her weird for how much efforts she spent studying and interacting with them, didn’t push her to maintain eye contact, were not bothered if she didn’t get any social codes or interactions, were more than willing to clear up any misunderstandings, and absolutely loved listening to her talk and sometimes repeat the same thing.Even neurotypical members of the groups loved and respected her, so she was allowed to take risks in her social interactions and make mistakes.We have founded a huge collective to help spread better practices when it comes to captive parrots and guide humans into making less mistakes that their bird might suffer from.She can talk for days with a bunch of different people about the one big subject that brings her joy, and thus has found her calling. She’s being told that she matters, she has a place under the sun among us, and that she doesn’t need to try to be anything else to be accepted.She is a pure treasure we are glad to call a friend and member of our flock / family. In fandom, the ability to relive the same scene, over and over, and laugh at those jokes, smiling fondly at memories, is not harming or taking away anything from anyone, either.It brings a sense of familiarity, comfort, fantasy, and community among people that admire various elements of these worlds.I never get bored of watching “Pacific Rim” in a loop, or talking about BTVS. I even have acquired tons of knowledge about movies and series that I’ve never watched thanks to Tumblr and exposure to fandoms I’m not a member of.And guess what? My partner of over 15 years has a cousin at family gatherings that is very neurodivergent, and connects with other people through his own love of many movies and series.Each time we see each other, we both disappear into our own little universe, and geek out together like there’s no tomorrow! His mother once approached us to tell him “stop talking to her about your movies, and go talk to other people, you’ll keep bothering her!”I don’t know what the exact look I gave her was, but she literally backed off!Let’s simply say I very firmly told her that he wasn’t bothering me in the least, the attention I was giving him wasn’t pity, I had more fun listening to him talking about his thoughts on the series finale of “True Blood” than listening to someone talk about the Dow Jones, and that it was insulting to imply that what I enjoyed was something I should be ashamed of. I was perfectly able to manage my own social interactions, and put up ma own boundaries if need be with him, and sure as Hell didn’t need her help or protection when I was enjoying valuable time spent with a member of my extended family.Yeah, I’m neurotypical, too, mainly ADHD and giftedness, with some traits that suggest I may have the very feminine presentation of autism, where I use a lot of “mirroring” to put people at ease, and it so happens one of my interests I tend to hyperfocus on is human behavior and psychology. So, I have a very theoretical approach and understanding of what’s going on around me. I may miss subtleties of human interactions and not realise that from their facial expression, one is tired of speaking with me…But I know that if someone is angry or raising their voice, they feel threatened and unheard, and - unless they represent a risk to you - you need to make yourself open, smaller, take a posture showing the interior of your hands and giving them space to show you’re not a threat, lower your own voice, adopt a soothing, deeper pitch, etc.My social skills aren’t instinctive, they are knowledge. They are analytic. Humans and animals largely share the same instincts that are emotionally expressed the same way (emotions are nothing other than motivations to adopt certain behaviors to fulfil needs).The difference? Humans are incoherent and complex creatures that often lie about what they mean, are in denial about their own fears and anger because they stupidly think those are emotions reflecting a lack of control over themselves and weakness.They give senseless moral meanings to what they feel and ask their progeny to suppress their “negative feelings” to be “well-behaved”, etc.Relying so much on words has made human interactions emotionally incoherent and socially impaired as a species.But love and attachment reinforces social bonds and taps right into our gregarious instincts, for example.In a society where the species’ survival depends on its ability to collaborate with each other and coordinate things like the search for foods, there is an instinctive drive to generate strong bonds with a (or multiple) partners, and within a clan.Love / attachment is highly utilitarian, and Harlow (among others) has showed that it is something vital to highly social, animal development as well.So, I do have very strong social skills, because when talking you someone I quickly detect what the goal of the current interaction is, what they are feeling in accordance to what they are telling me, and respond by accurately putting words onto what they were trying to express. Developing active listening skills is something I tend to hyperfocus on.Each person and social interaction is a bit of a puzzle I challenge myself to find the right answer to.I thought it was normal, and that was how other people did it and socialized, too.Regardless of my ability to effectively “read” facial expressions, I know which ones I need to express to get the other person to read me, feel certain emotions, or understand my intent, and I can ask questions that will help me understand context and what they are feeling.And I’ve learned not to trust people’s words when it comes to how they feel. “I’m fine” means nothing most of the time. There are some human dumbasses desperate for validation that erronously believe that if we don’t insist to know what’s wrong when they say “it’s fine”, then they are entitled to chew us up for not caring more about them (screw them!).Or they may have been socially conditioned to set their own own needs aside, and believe they don’t matter as much as others, they are “boring”, etc. (Respect them and their vulnerabilities…).So, as I was saying, I may have developed rather strong and functional social skills and an ability to assert myself. From the outside, I may look “normal”, but I most certainly am not.The way my ADHD and giftedness (and maybe certain autistic traits, though I’m not sure I fully fit the diagnoses) will thus affect how I relate to someone sharing some of those traits, too.And the fact that this cousin knows I’m enjoying talking to him, and I don’t have any expectations for him to act “normal” or talk about “something less boring”, allows us to have a purer and more authentic conversation without the unnecessary pollution from “social conventions”, and neither of us fearing to be accidentally misunderstood because we trust that we won’t be upset over any social cue the other has missed, don’t expect eye contact to be maintained, or other things like that.So, to go back to the OP, the whole “if I think you’re boring that makes you self-centered” shows a very narcissistic worldview where “the value of social interactions and gatherings should only be evaluated in regards of whether they serve my own needs.” Human contact and bonding doesn’t need to be complex or bring new information.The very act of interacting with another human being, regardless of the subject matter, serves a very important function and purpose of strengthening social bonds between individuals.Fandom is a culture. Fandom is about rituals and traditions that someone chooses rather than being born / forced into.Why the fuck are Quebecers so obsessed about their poutine and keep taking about it? Or are so passionate about keeping french as their common tongue? Why do they love hockey so much, and can watch other people chasing a puck on ice with a stick day after day after day? ***IT’S ABOUT OUR SHARED CULTURE.***Fandom has the advantage of being a culture people are adopting by themselves and integrating into their sense of identity.It allows them to care as strongly for someone living on the other side of the planet as they would their own countrymen, because they share the same cultural references and are passionate about the same words being spoken.Instead of “God Bless America”, it is “We Are Drift Compatible”.Different words, same purpose: building a common point of reference and sense of social unity. Fandom is a humanitarian, global culture without boundaries, that threatens those that would rather have us maintain an ethnocentric worldview…So, of course you always have some scared, self-centered individual that thinks culture should only be embraced and useful if it is something that is specifically serve them.And the vast majority of fans I know that engage fully in fandom culture can yet maintain a very healthy and balanced life outside of it (though they may integrate elements of fandom culture into their own everyday life).But does that put others at a disadvantage?Any form of culture : religions, nationalism, etc. can be unhealthy, dangerous, and self-serving when pushed to the extreme, and/or used as a means of facilitating human interactions.What bothers me is that we are suggesting that isn’t the case, by deciding that “camping outside to see a movie isn’t related to the love of this movie itself”, because only an “extremist” would devote so much time, or put so much effort into a shared cultural event that deeply matters to them.It is not a failure of social skills, so much as them living in a society that, culturally speaking, may not reflect their values and who they are, and looking elsewhere to find that much needed sense of belonging and cultural identity.Before being a Quebecer, and before being a Canadian, I’m a member of the Global Geek Culture.I come from the fandoms of Pacific Rim, Mass Effect, Star Wars, Lucifer, Sense 8, etc.I love to celebrate art, diversity, humanity, and so many other values that I’ve seen reflected in those cultures.Some members of Geek Culture may be toxic, but they are the overwhelming minority.Whether you’re from Canada or from India, as soon as you see your love for “Poets of the Fall” reflected into another human being, that makes you brothers and sisters, in a sense.This is the beauty and gift of fandom.The ability to turn your love and interest for a movie, series, music, or sports, into a love and interest in others, and breaking restrictive ethnocentric cultural boundaries.Every human interaction doesn’t need to “answer questions”. Sometimes, it’s just nice to be reminded of who we are, and of the value and pleasure of just gathering and relating to one another.Fandom doesn’t need to be any more complex than that. You are literally the person he was talking about holy shit you must be crushingly unfun in real life Well, all I know is that I see absolutely no point in seeking your approval, being friendly to you, allowing you to get to know me, or modifying your perception of me, really.If the goal was to see if a nerve was hit, and I’d have an emotional response at the thought that I could be the target of Ebert’s criticism, now you know.I never felt that I was the targeted audience of his comment. And you telling me that I am absolutely won’t make me worry that I might have been.Unfortunately for them, you’ll have to go looking for another victim to toy with. -- source link