generally-nauseated: builtfjordtuff: builtfjordtuff: builtfjordtuff: Pope Alignments. To quote John
generally-nauseated:builtfjordtuff:builtfjordtuff:builtfjordtuff:Pope Alignments.To quote John Mulaney, If you’re not Catholic I don’t mean to exclude you, even though we love to exclude you.Edgy ColumnStephen VI: An Edgy Bitch for performing the infamous Cadaver Synod, in which a Pope was so universally hated that Stephen decided to exhume him and put his corpse on trial. Said corpse was, unsurprisingly, found Guilty and strip of its papal vestements, had the 3 fingers used for blessing amputated, and its body thrown into the Tiber.Clement IV: An Edgy thot for refusing to move from his bishopric to Rome after being elected Pope. This created the Avignese Papacy, a line of Popes from France who were considered puppets of the French Crown. After a couple of these Popes, an event called the Western Schism happened, causing their to be 3 Popes At The Same TimeAlexander VI: the only possible candidate for Edgy Bastard. Infamous for openly having mistresses and bastard children, such as Cesare Borgia, who was granted a huge chunk of the Papal States and is said to have been the basis for Machiavelli’s The Prince. Years later, “Borgian” was a byword for corruption and nepotism within the Church. This dude is exactly why the Catholic Church decided that Priests needed to be celibate.Depressed ColumnLeo X: Depressed Bitch who increased the sale of indulgences (“donations” to the Church that absolved the payer of their sins) to such a degree that Martin Luther decided to upend the entire Western World with a 99-point Call-out Post on the door of Wittenberg Cathedral.Pius V: Depressed Thot for excommunicating Queen Elizabeth I and also starting the Counter Reformation.Pius XII: Depressed Bastard that had the misfortune of being named Pope in 1939. Best known for his earlier work begging Hitler to not persecute Catholics and just focus on the Jews and Communists (this begging led to The ReichsKonkordat). Excommunicated via Papal Bull all Catholics who supported Communism, never really got around to doing anything much about the Nazis though.Dumbass ColumnGregory XII: rightfully elected Pope in Rome, had to resign to keep the Pisan Anti-Pope from destroying the Catholic Church so that their successor could deal with the OTHER AntiPope in Avignon. Dumbass Bitch for thinking the new election would make Anti Pope Benedict resign too.Urban II: This Dumbass Thot started the Crusades. Enough saidFormosus: Ended up caught up in Every. Single. Political firestorm of the time. Was stripped of his bishopric earlier in his career for letting the Holy Roman Emperor get coronated in the HRE city of Pavia instead of Rome (How this was his fault I don’t know) but the Pope that did it died and that Pope’s successor restored him to the priesthood and he was eventually elected Pope. Then, the Patriarch of Constantinople (At this point the Church had not experienced the Great Schism) was deposed and replaced with the 19 year-old son of the Byzantine Emperor, because that’s not a Conflict of Interest. The Bishops of the East wanted the Pope’s support in reinstating all those ordained by Patriarch Photius. Side note: in the East, the Pope was seen as the equivalent of the Patriarch of Constantinople and not his superior so Formosus was like… OK thanks but no since apparently I’m not supposed to have authority over there. Also he decided to try and fail to settle the succession dispute in France and, for good measure, convinced a Duke to invade the Holy Roman Emperor’s land and started a war that ended with Formosus crowning that Duke Emperor. All this political meddling led to him being so despised that 2 Popes later, his body was exhumed for the aforementioned Cadaver Synod, when his corpse was put on trial, convicted of being unworthy of the Pontificate, desecrated, and thrown in the Tiber. (All this was reversed by the next Pope after that Pope.)Please reblog this I’m not risking my eternal damnation over a post with 15 notes.formosus is bae tbh -- source link
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