my father passed away yesterday morning. he was 53.my father was one of my best friends. we’ve
my father passed away yesterday morning. he was 53.my father was one of my best friends. we’ve lived together for almost my entire life. when i was a tiny baby, my father was the one who was always at home, while my mother worked or studied 24/7. when i graduated from high school, i came to live with him again so that i could help him.my father was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at 26 years old. i was only 4 when he became heavily disabled and had to rely on his wheelchair. people always pitied both of us for this. hearing my family talk today, you’d think he died in 1996, the day he became dependent of that wheelchair. it always felt like everyone only saw him as his disease.but my father was so much more than that. my father was funny, goofy, silly, kind, artistic, creative. he loved to have fun, and he loved people.my father spoke perfect russian, english & french on a daily basis. he also knew italian, ukrainian, hebrew, and even learned some japanese with me. he studied photography and later on, accounting. like me, he was an artist first, then chose a more pragmatic line of work.my father was the first person to see that i was queer, before i even knew myself. as a child, my best friend & i would get bullied for rumors that we were gay. but my father? one day, he just casually told me, you know, you could marry [your best friend] if you wanted.a few years ago, i started exploring my gender identity. my father would often say things like, wow, i used to wear the exact same clothes when i was younger!my father also adored animals. he always took care of my cat when i had to be in school or at work for entire days. he adored all of my mother’s dogs, and was always so happy to see them. he loved watching animal documentaries, and would always tell me a bunch of trivia about any and all species.naturally, i couldn’t play soccer or baseball with my father like most kids can. and so, this love i have carried to this day in my mid-twenties for superheroes, cartoons, video games, science fiction, it’s entirely thanks to him.i was 2, and i was sitting in his lap watching him play castlevania and final fantasy and king’s quest. i was 12, and we were playing fire emblem, final fantasy and xenosaga together. i was 22, and he was watching me play mass effect, dragon age and borderlands.i think fictional stories allowed him to travel all the places, meet all the people and experience all the adventures he couldn’t due to his disability. and i’m glad i was able to share all of those experiences with him.whenever he was in the hospital for weeks, i knew everyone else was boring him with medical talk, so whenever i’d visit, i’d tell him about the latest TWD episode, about the new game i bought, about how his favorite actors were in this new movie… even at times where his mind seemed so clouded he couldn’t remember when he last ate, his eyes would light up over this kind of talk.on monday evening, i was planning on bringing my laptop to the hospital the next day so that we could watch the second season of daredevil together. i guess i was too late.i was also thinking about how we’ve been waiting for FFXV ever since it was first announced almost an entire decade ago… i’ll be sad playing it without him once it finally comes out.my father died wearing his N7 shirt. i went to the funerals wearing my N7 scarf. we played all three ME games together. he liked mordin a lot. dad cried when he died… he also bawled at the xenosaga ending? he cried a lot LMFAO i never saw him crying over real things, but when it came to fiction… Sameone of dad’s favorite jokes to play on me was to wake me up by blasting one winged angel from FF7 really loudly???? he did this for years it was TERRIBLE!!!!!one of the last series we shared together was breaking bad. he’d come into my bedroom every evening so we could watch an episode together. it was really fun. i liked to imagine that once i’d move out and he’d go to a nursing home, i’d visit every other evening so that we could watch TV shows together.my father didn’t like dwelling on things, didn’t like big displays of affection, didn’t like wasting time. exactly one week before his death, he was upset that i missed a day of school to look after him…i know he’d want me to be strong and continue living on. so i will do just so. -- source link
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