(xposted from insta) for TDOV i wanted to compile some of the art i’ve made since finishin
(xposted from insta) for TDOV i wanted to compile some of the art i’ve made since finishing my initial LOVE LETTERS collection from last year, if just for me to reflect on.a lot of what i make is specific to experiences known/heard/shared, and to stories i have written/will write, making up for a time when all i heard was that gay romance was played out (??) that trans people must not be depicted as sexual/kinky or else it sets back our humanity (??) and that no one would take me seriously were i to pursue it– never mind how utterly unfathomable it was that i could be trans– or trans And gay. And fat. And ill. And too poor to afford surgery– And too emotionally attached to the mental map i’m familiar with to be wholly comfortable with it anyway. and the rules go on and on and on.it’s now about 12 years since i came out publicly, and i think for the foreseeable future i’ll be trying to satisfy all the time lost. this work is personal, but it’s also public– it’s something i want people to see, regardless of their own immediate connection to it. it’s based in life and in fiction. it’s physical and sexual– feeling like a flesh and blood person (rather than detached and ghostly) is hard, and the power/politics/history of who is ALLOWED to be a person and ALLOWED to be sexual (on their own terms, with their unlearned and reworked rules) is pretty fraught. so like… my work is for the public, in that it’s public, responding to ongoing conversation. and it’s for myself. it conflicts and contradicts. it isn’t soft or sweet, to me, because i’ve never been soft or sweet– i’ve rarely been treated as soft or sweet in a way that didn’t feel like a physical defanging, to insist i become soft and sweet, to be good, to make up for my unfortunate flaws. there’s some work that’ll never see the light of the day, or must be shared with people who feel/need as i do or speak a similar unconscious language, because the purpose/form of therapy it takes is a private one. and since being a person means being made of/having some relationship to memory, i draw/write things from the past and the present and all the messy mistakes or confusing moments or ugliness therein, when language is imperfect, when people don’t know themselves, where “heroes”/“villains” are much easier to cling to than reality. but my work isn’t for… who it isn’t for. people who appear similar/have many overlaps can be hit with competing needs that require compassion– often culminating in separate resources/spaces/content. it’s hard. but it’s okay.it’s a process. it’s somewhat intentionally separate from my comic work (which is also a whole mess of intertwined ideas and challenging emotions, equally fulfilling, though shown through different imagery.) each part is itself a step toward something, or filling in behind, sometimes obsessively backtracking, trying to tie myself to myself.anyway, i draw bare-chested fat nasty boys because it’s genuinely unconscionable and incomprehensible for me not do so. -- source link
#traditional art#illustration#transgay