Chapter 20Dazai “……Pray tell. *What kind of things filled my heart/

Chapter 20Dazai “……Pray tell. *What kind of things filled my heart/mind while I kissed you just now?”*t/l note: Hmm I decided to tweak the translation here from last chapter, since I translate it super literally last time, I got confused with the existence of ‘が’ particle in the sentence ╥﹏╥ Dazai “Even if I do this — would you still call me ‘kind’?”MC “Kya……”MC’s field of vision’s turning around — when she realized it, Dazai’s covering her.Her fingers are entangled with his long fingers, and sewn to the table.Even when MC tries to push back Dazai’s shoulder, he just won’t budge, and she then aware their difference in physique.  MC “Dazai-sa……”Dazai “Like Mimi-san said, why don’t I hold you in my arms right now? You locked us up, even.”(……!)Dazai “We shared a pillow once on that downpour. In any case, it’s good to make an established fact.” Dazai “It’s all right, I’ll make you feel good. You……like me, don’t you?”MC “——······” MC chest hurts at the sound of terribly cold words.MC “……Dazai-san, are you angry? That, is this also your intention of being a clown……”Dazai “Hmm, who knows?”MC heart tightened more at his indifferent reply.Sadness and agitation ···— his expression she has never seen before is so painful.(I’m the one who’s being told terrible things, and yet……)(This is the first time I’ve ever seen Dazai like this.)(Such a painful face……)It’s different from the expression with shadow in his eyes and easygoing smile…………it’s an expression that looks like a raw humanity which’s imprisoned inside begins to overflow. MC “Dazai-san……”Dazai “It’s no use asking for an answer. Either way, what I’m going to do is the same.”MC “Ah……”His big hand caresses MC’s *hips over her clothes.(*腰 - could be waist tooFeeling the intention of the act from the gesture, MC trembles in surprise.MC “Ya……mmn, wait Dazai-sa……!”(How could it turn out this way……?)Dazai “……”MC “……!”MC’s skirt is pulled up, and the hand that creeps in from there touches her leg.As her skin’s having gooseflesh from being traced by Dazai’s fingers as if to stir her up, a sweet sensation runs up her body.(No……!)When MC somehow struggles to resist……A sharp thing is felt……his fangs are pressing against her nape, as if to block her movement — (I’m……bitten···—)Dazai “——······” Almost at the same time that it felt like her breath caught, and MC grabs the tablecloth without thinking.At the next moment, the books piled up on the table slips over the cloth, and falls to the floor with a loud noise.After a bit of silence……Dazai slowly raises his body and looks down at MC.His eyes are shaking anxiously like he’s enduring something……Dazai “……”(……Dazai, san.)Dazai “Mimi-san, I……I’m afraid of your straightforwardness.”Dazai “When you’re with me, I ···—” At that time, the sound of turning the doorknob could be heard.MC “……!”??? “……Eh? Is it locked? Hey, who is it? I heard a loud noise, are you okay?”(This voice, Leonardo-san……)Dazai gently pulls MC arm to stand her up, and casually turns his face away while putting a distance.Dazai “……You should ask Leonardo-san for help.”Dazai “If you think I’m the worst man, I don’t mind getting scolded.”(Such thing……)When MC thinks of the expression hidden in his long bangs, she couldn’t blame him.MC “……Just tell me one thing instead.”MC “Dazai-san, before this, what did you try to say……?”Dazai “When you’re with me, I ···—”MC wants to know the words ahead.Dazai “……”Dazai, who’s in silence, turning his gaze towards her. But……Dazai “The door has been fixed, I suppose. You could go back to your time next time.”MC “……”The moment his smile points at her, MC chest feels like attacked by hollow emptiness.(Again, Dazai-san is so far away……)No matter how many times she tries to touch and step into Dazai’s heart, he would thrust her away.MC cannot say anything anymore……she goes to the door and unlocks it.Leonardo “Cara mia —··· and Dazai?”MC “I’m sorry for the racket, Leonardo-san. I’m the one who locked the door.”Leonardo “Huh? Also, why……”MC “I’m going back to my room. Good night.”Without the courage to look back and energy to smile, MC passes by Leonardo —(I couldn’t hear Dazai-san’s true feelings again……)The pain in her chest doesn’t go away at all, and MC feels the night is too long……Leonardo “……”Leonardo sees MC’s back off, and then returns his gaze back to the library.The locked space, MC’s earlier appearance, and also, the lingering silence……Leonardo “Dazai, you……”Dazai “……Will you hit me, Leonardo-san?”Leonardo could guess most of it, and looks at Dazai with bitter smile.Leonardo “Do you want me to hit you? Ah, I would’ve done so with pleasure even if cara mia weeps and clings on me.”Leonardo “You want to be hit……by Mimi, don’t you?”Dazai “Mimi-san……didn’t even tell me off. Even though I behaved badly.”Leonardo “……What a look you have on your face.”Leonardo sighs and picks up the book that fell on the floor.Leonardo “Give up the idea getting hit by me. I don’t think you’re such a mean fellow.”Dazai “……Haha, aren’t you overestimating me? I’m just a man who could do nothing but acts like a clown.”Leonardo “You don’t look like a clown now, you know……?”Leonardo leaves the room, after presses the book against Dazai, along with his words.The pressed book is returned to the table, and Dazai lets out a small sigh.Dazai “I can’t believe the urge to suck blood was so unbearable……”A deep distress that is engraved between his eyebrows could be peeked through the face which is covered in one hand……Dazai “Mimi-san. When you’re with me, I……my heart, on its own accord……feels happiness.”Dazai “I mustn’t desire such thing. Only that girl……I don’t want to be unhappy.”Dazai “I —··· I want to stab myself to death right now.”The next day —··· Sitting on the edge of the fountain, MC gently brushes Dazai’s book on her lap.She came to the town for a diversion, but it was just yesterday that she couldn’t help but remember.(Why did he kiss me like that……?)Forcibly kissed her lips, and messing up her clothes.(This is the first time I’ve ever seen such Dazai-san……)Apart from feeling surprised and sad, MC’d be lying if she said she didn’t have any fear.Dazai “Even this act of gently wipe away your tears, might be just an act of a clown.”Dazai “I — if you desire of it, I’ll hug you right here to deceive you in pleasure.”(Did he act like a clown because I instigated it……?)(But……)Dazai “Mimi-san, I……I’m afraid of your straightforwardness.”Dazai “When you’re with me, I ···—”At that moment, Dazai’s expression when he started to say something, it didn’t appear like he was glossing it over — like a clown.(If we take it as his true feelings, what does he really think?)If he was pushing MC away because he’s afraid of her……(……I wonder if he really hated me.)As she’s feeling depressed and pondering in circles — Charles “Mimi! We meet again.”MC “……! Charles……”MC “Why is Charles with that guy……?”Shakespeare “Charles blindly adores Lord Vlad.”Shakespeare “I don’t know what Dazai is really thinking about, but perhaps —”Shakespeare “Perhaps he got an invitation to side with Lord Vlad……as I did in my time.”(……)MC remembered the story she heard from Shakespeare, and instinctively put herself on guard.Charles “I wanted to see you. I’m going to give back your handkerchief and ···—“Charles “Mimi, what’s wrong? You’re kind of awkward, though……”MC “That’s not true. Look, I’m just as usual.”MC’s trying to smile, but……Charles “If you’re exactly as usual, look this way please?”MC tries to act naturally, but an unconscious tension is being transmitted………….Charles sits by her side, and leans his head curiously.(I only know Charles when we meet in the town like this.)(But……when I hear that story, I don’t know how to treat him.)(Is Charles really going to take Dazai-san……?)When MC’s enduring indescribable anxiety that swirls inside her chest — Charles “Hey……is there something happened with Dazai?”MC “Huh?”Charles “……To tell you the truth, I’ve been watching you for awhile. You have a sad face again.”Charles “Is Dazai doing something that hurt you?”MC “…How……”Seeing MC in confusion, an expression of ‘as expected’ shown on Charles’s face.And then, he looks into her eyes, as if he’s peering in her inner heart.Charles “I don’t want to see the sad part of Mimi……”Charles “Hey, I’ll make you happy and smile a lot, alright?”Charles “Isn’t it hard to stay near Dazai? Then, I’ll be by your side.”MC “Charles……”Words similar to sweet invitation being put out one after another.When MC cannot take them all, Charles rests his hand on her hand that she put on the book.Charles “I won’t leave you alone. Hey Mimi, come with me.”Charles “How about ‘we’ live happily in a world created by vampires?”MC “……! Vampires……”MC’s eyes wide open to the fact that Charles himself revealed what he had heard from Shakespeare.He continues happily with a *mystical smile.(*くすりと笑み - smile like a drug, cognate with the kusu root of adjective 奇し (kusushi, “mystical”), from the way that drugs and medicines would have mystical effects, I think? wwwwwCharles “I made you surprised, huh. But Mimi knows the secret of the people in the mansion and lives together with them, right?”Charles “I’m the same. I died once and revived as a vampire.”Charles “My benefactor — Lord Vlad, found me through a door that transcends space and time.”(Charles, what the heck are you thinking……)MC “Why……did you tell me? You won’t get any benefits by telling me.”Charles shows a blank look, surprised to hear her back as MC hides her tremble.Charles “Eh……? Did you perhaps know my true identity?”MC “……”When MC gets hold of herself a little bit while hesitating, Charles laughs brightly.Charles “What’s that, I see it now……”Charles “I talked to you because I want you to know more and more about me.”Charles “Just like you straightly believe in Dazai, I too want you to understand and believe in me……no, in US.”MC “Believe……?”Charles continues his story with shining eyes.Charles “Lord Vlad wants to keep this world beautiful for eternity.”Charles “He wishes for peace far and far away into the future.”MC “The world for eternity……”Charles “Yeah. Everyone in the world should love each other without fighting.”Charles “Don’t you think that would be really really happy?”Charles “Lord Vlad thinks of borrowing the power of great men to realize such world.”(Isn’t that what Shakespeare-san said about the purpose of the guy named Vlad?)MC “Is that why Charles approached Dazai-san?”Charles just smiles sweetly to MC’s timid question.Charles “Hmm. I wish not only Dazai, but also all the vampires could cooperate……”(It’s like a dream full of hopes, but……)What crosses MC mind is the raw killing match that she saw on Shakespeare’s stage.Just remembering about the scene makes her spine chilled……(The guy who created that situation was Vlad, right……?)MC “Charles……The man who revived Charles could use someone.”MC “Also……Isn’t he a scary guy who’s willing to let others die……?”Charles “……”When MC asks the question boldly, Charles stares at her with eyes like calm surface of water……Charles “—··· I knew it, you were the one who was in Will’s stage hall that night.”MC “……!”(At that time, it was Charles who was with Shakespeare-san……?)Evading MC’s astonishing eyes, Charles looks up at the sky with sorrowful eyes. Charles “Since the two of them who fought that day had broken heart, it was such a sad thing, but……”Charles “Their sacrifices are not in vain.”Charles “……Well, sometimes it can’t be helped for the future.”Charles “Don’t be afraid of Lord Vlad. He’s a guy who’s truly loves this world and humans.”(It can’t……be helped……)He shows a genuine expression and truly looks sad.However, the words spun from his word that accept such terrible things……they are contradicting.(I don’t understand Charles’s thought……)MC feels she couldn’t speak anymore, and gently releases Charles’s hand that rests on hers.Charles “Mimi?”MC “……I can’t go with Charles.”MC “Even if it’s for the sake of peace, but after being told that the death of a person is something that can’t be helped, I can’t take it.”MC “No matter the reason is, a person’s death is sad……”MC “Even if it’s not what Charles did, but if you’re fine with killing people, it’s like killing with your heart.”Charles “——······” His light blue eyes wide open in tremble.Charles “Wait…! Then how about Dazai? Dazai is the same as me.”Charles “He lives by letting someone else died (without helping) too. Can you still believe in Dazai?”MC “……”MC heart pierced by his painful voice, and she’s at a loss for words.(Dazai-san’s “sin” is an unmistakable fact……) (But……)MC “Dazai-san’s…….surely different.”(He is a person who chose to revive for atonement and continue to accept suffering that’s hard to imagine.)MC “Even if he committed a sin, I don’t think Dazai-san won’t be sad about someone’s death……”Charles “Mimi……”Leaving those words alone, MC leaves Charles — Charles “Mimi, why……?” -- source link

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