ms-demeanor:gothiccharmschool:ms-demeanor:saffronhare:ms-demeanor:Hey you know how I said I

ms-demeanor:gothiccharmschool: ms-demeanor: saffronhare: ms-demeanor: Hey you know how I said I was going to make a workbook on the kind of bullshit you need to do when someone you love dies? I actually did that. HERE IS THE VERSION WITH LOTS OF SWEARING AT THE USELESS, SHITTY SITUATION YOU’RE IN. HERE IS THE VERSION WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF BLACK HUMOR BUT NO CURSEWORDS. Featuring Helpful Sections such as: Death Certificates – What you need, why you need them, and how to get them Prepare to spend a long and miserable time on the phone What the Everloving Fuck is Probate Some Simple Dos and Don’ts Shitty Mad Libs – Templates for writing Obituaries and Memorials How to plan a non-religious death party So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit This is an eighteen page book that you can print out, download, share, and give away; it is meant to be used to collect information about funeral planning and account management after a death OR you can use it BEFORE you die and give people information so they’re not stuck playing Nancy Fucking Drew while trying to keep seventeen cousins who crawled out of the woodwork from gutting each other in front of the fucking casket as they argue about who’s inheriting grandma’s favorite dentures. It’s not exactly cheerful and it’s full of things that are probably going to feel really fucking raw if you’re processing a fresh death. I’m sorry! I love you! Death is shitty! I’m trying to laugh about it a little and I hope you can laugh a little too because otherwise we’re all just going to cry together. Good luck! (in memory of my weirdo mother and her weirdo siblings who all died too fucking young and left me holding this flaming bag of dogshit) This is so radically kind, thank you You’re welcome! Life is short, kindness is what we’ve got. When my mom died it wasn’t exactly unexpected but it was still sooner than we all thought it would happen. It was a huge punch in the guts and the thought of making things and not being able to show her and share them with her still hurts but in that first month it was like drowning. So I made this for her, and shared it with and showed it to other people who are hurting, because my momma didn’t raise a quitter but she sure did raise a softhearted fool who wants everyone to feel a little more loved and a little more worthy and a little less alone. I love you. Take care. Be kind. This is important, useful, and so very damn kind. Hi everybody, since this is coming up a lot in the tags I figured I’d say it in a reblog: this is written to be very generic for the US.BUT!!!!Here’s the thing about the US, we’ve got a bunch of different states with a bunch of different laws so I made it pretty dang generic to the point that there’s a lot of stuff in there that’s universal - the whole “So suddenly I have to be a hacker” section is applicable worldwide and “simple dos and don’ts” and “shitty mad-libs” probably apply outside of the US too. Even the non-religious death party section basically boils down to “find catering, try to organize things for the middle of the day, don’t break the bank, have a slideshow and a playlist of the deceased’s favorite songs to play in the background so survivors can share memories because that’s going to be a lot more comforting and pleasant than Aunt Agatha eulogizing for an hour.”Discussions of death certificates, probate (the whole probate section basically says “I don’t know shit about probate, here’s what you might want to search to figure out if you need a lawyer”), and maybe some billing/financial information are probably the most US-centric bits (also all of the resources in the resource section are US based but the Everplan checklists are widely applicable) Hey folks.  This is super useful & important.  Thank you @ms-demeanor​ for compiling it.  It sat in my drafts folder for years, so I could refer to it as I went through the death of both my parents.They are super helpful for somebody in an unexpected situation, or for somebody that didn’t get to do a lot of preparation beforehand.  Due to my parent’s illnesses we were able to see it coming and prepare for it.  This meant I got to cheat my way around a lot of issues in the documents (thank goodness we didn’t have to deal with probate).  If you have aging parents with whom you have a good relationship, here’s some additional things you can do to make the passing easier:Find out if they have preferences as far as “Do Not Resuscitate.”  This is a good entry-point for conversations on mortality if that’s hard for them to talk about.  Most folks don’t like the idea of just lying helpless in a hospital bed for an indeterminant length of time, and while DNRs are about more than that, it can help to start the conversation if their health is going downhill  Getting them to fill out & file a DNR with their local hospital & doctor is pretty easy, and can easily segue into conversations regarding Medical Power of Attorney or a broader Power of Attorney.Offer to help balance the checkbook.  Chances are your older relatives aren’t doing online billpay.  As a side effect, they’re probably drowning in paperwork, and many are overwhelmed.  If they’re on social security, this is doubly true.  If you offer to come over and help go through mail, pay bills, or balance their checkbook for them, they’re more likely to see it as an offer of help, rather than intruding.  This is a good first step, because eventually you will want to…Get on the bank accounts.  Shortly after mom was diagnosed with ALS, while dad was coming to the end of his battle with cancer, they went and added my sister & I to every bank & investment account they had.  They made sure we were added as beneficiaries, and added us a signatories on their banking & checking accounts.Use a password manager.  This is probably as much of an uphill battle as BillPay with some older folks, but if you’re on the accounts, you can get your own login.  If not, encourage them to use a password manager.  We used LastPass’s “Family plan” and it was an absolute life saver.  With the family plan, we could share access to certain logins, and setup “Emergency Access” in case they became unresponsive before we had all of their logins.Get on the mobile account.  I convinced my mom to let me add her phone to my account, so it was one less bill for her.  Additionally, after she passed, it was one less account I needed to provide a death certificate to, I could just cancel.  Also, it was important to have access to her phone & my dad’s when I tried to cancel credit cards and other services that trusted that phone number.  Some accounts I didn’t have to provide any additional verification other than an account number (provided on the bill), since I was using the phone number they had verified.Get Power of Attorney.  This is a big one, but also can be a sticking point for a lot of older folks.  They may see it as a loss of freedom, so it will come down to your relationship with them, and how much they feel they can trust you.  It’s not necessary in every situation, but especially if they’ve been diagnosed with a degenerative neurological disorder like Alzheimer’s or dementia, having conversations about PoA early & often will make one less difficult decision you have to deal with later on.(Sorry my part isn’t as entertaining as OP’s.  Listening to sad country music & preparing to go close the last account, so I’m content to just not be a blubbering mess.) -- source link

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