dancinbutterfly:irolltwenties:kiseiakhun: irolltwenties: irolltwenties: Connor Hawke: Rage Against t
dancinbutterfly:irolltwenties:kiseiakhun: irolltwenties: irolltwenties: Connor Hawke: Rage Against the Dying of the Light.It’s easy to forget: Connor’s rage. It’s easy to watch him smile and touch things with gentle fingers and believe he is quiet in his soul. It’s always so easy to see him as naive and innocent. They want to believe he’s always been a wellspring of centered calm.Connor never forgets. He can’t. It simmers and throbs, lingering in the moments of errant jealousy, simple fear, and the longing to have been a good son. He works so hard to be what people want him to be. He works to be good.The Ring isn’t fooled; it sees the heart of him. “This isn’t you,” Kyle whispers, choking on blood. “Connor, please…”“No,” Connor smiles, serene and beautiful in the red of his rage. He tightens his grip and bends close. “You don’t understand. I’m finally free.” @kiseiakhun one day. Yes, that is a threat. Star Sapphire Jason this. Black lantern Roy that. What about my boy being allowed to let loose? What about that? What about Connor just going apeshit? Me: I want to write this ficYou: *writes it in the tags*#please please please please please please please#shoves this in my face#please #hnghrnghkelje#kyle’s like ‘I can fix him’ but what if connor doesn’t want to be fixed#what if there’s no fixing#the stopper on his rage is melted and he’d forgotten how it feels#how it feels to feel without any of the careful control he exerts every moment of every day#it’s constant and it’s exhausting and it eats away at him little by little and it never. ends.#maybe he wants to channel his control in another way#maybe it’s freeing. having the ring. being away from the suffocating presence of ollie and his legacy#being the good son. the compliant one. the one who knows how to temper the sharp edges of all the charismatic people#he’s stuck in the middle of#he knows how to control himself so obviously he must be able to control them too#all of connor’s life is about holding back#it’s about the delicate balance between emotion and anger#it’s about folding himself into the shape he wants to be. it’s rigid#discipline is as much a part of him as his anger#he’d methodic even as the miasma of rage suffocates his senses#and he’s never let loose before. he only knows passion in carefully coordinated bites#he’s only felt it from the sidelines. exploding out of others and directed at others but not at him. never at him#and connor accepts his role but he didn’t build it on purpose#he’s always tried to tame himself#but he isn’t docile#he’s a wild thing#and the passion is still there folded under all his careful layers of control#the way he thinks and the way he acts passes through so many filters before anyone outside even detects them#they don’t know about the tumultuous storms brewing in his heart. he doesn’t show them.#but they’re still there crackling under the surface#building up tensiontags via @kiseiakhun *a wild therapist appears*Disregulation - rage in particular - lights up the same parts of the brain as getting high. It’s different neurological state than your average emotional response. And as upsetting as it is? It feels good. On a BIOLOGICAL level it feels good. This isn’t an accident. Anger is a secondary emotion - it comes from the primary emotions hurt or fear or disgust or sadness. But those emotions are very often passive, a response to something outside of our control happening to or around us. Anger though? Anger transforms wounds into weapons like a fucking magical girl. But the adrenaline rush and neurotransmitters is what pushes a person forward to act, rather than remain still and take what is causing the problem.So, yeah, it’s interesting, why a character - any character but this one in particular - would let that go? It feels like a drug and it creates an army out of every piece of pain he’s ever felt. -- source link
#connor hawke