The Secret About Men Who Have a Grudge Against Women (Lundy Bancroft, June 14 2018)“Men’
The Secret About Men Who Have a Grudge Against Women (Lundy Bancroft, June 14 2018)“Men’s bad attitudes towards women don’t come from their experiences with women; they come from their experiences with men. (…)Think for a moment about white people whom you’ve encountered in your life who were very racist, and you were bothered by their beliefs about people of color. Did you say to yourself, “Wow, this person must have had really bad experiences with people of color”? I bet you didn’t. I bet your thoughts went much more along the lines of, “This person either grew up around white people who were racist as hell, or else that’s who they’re hanging out with now.”And you’d be right. White people develop their attitudes towards people of color from their experiences with white people. Any negative experiences they have with people of color are just excuses for the outlook they have already absorbed and adopted.Plus, once we know a white person is racist, we don’t really trust what they have to say about what their interactions with people of color have been like; we suspect — again, quite correctly — that their attitudes have deeply distorted their perceptions and their memories of what has happened between them and non-white folks.Why should our thinking be any different regarding men who look down upon women? Men who are anti-female got that way through the influence of the key men in their lives, beginning when they were young and often continuing into their adult peer relationships.In short, bigotry is always caused by the group that is bigoted, not by the targets of that bigotry.I’ll write more soon about the various ways in which this key insight matters, but for today I just want to choose one point to underline:You can’t fix a guy’s bad attitudes towards women by being good to him. It doesn’t matter how kind, loving, honest, and patient you are with him; none of your heartfelt contributions will have any impact on his outlook on women.” -- source link
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