builttoserve: the-pushover-boy: 7 ways you can signal your submission to your partner If you’r
builttoserve: the-pushover-boy: 7 ways you can signal your submission to your partner If you’re not yet in a female led relationship and aren’t sure how to bring it up, here are some useful rules to follow that will shift the power dynamic towards your partner gradually. 1. Drop everything to give her your undivided attentionWhen she starts talking to you, put down your phone, pause your game or the show you are watching. Look at her and focus on taking in what she is saying. If she texts, respond right away. Never ignore a call. You’re training yourself to be a more responsive partner and remember everything she has said, but also sending a message that when she wants your attention she has it. 2. Ask for her opinion on your behaviour and respect it when she gives itThis flows from the above. You might have started to pick up cues in her tone or expressions. Maybe she makes a joke about how you’re always/never doing something, or is acting a little passive aggressive. Politely invite her to open up about it. Say you want her to be comfortable enough to call you out if something you do bugs her, and that you can’t change what you don’t know. Make sure you’re being honest, open, and non-threatening. Create safety, and if she gets more direct, say you want to make an effort to be better and tell her you appreciate her bringing it up. 3. During arguments - back down and defuse If your partner is not at all passive in expressing frustration, anger or disappointment with you, you want to avoid defensiveness. Again, appreciate her directness with you. If you have an alternate viewpoint, begin by accepting her viewpoint as correct, and express yours as an explanation of why you haven’t been acting as she expected you to. Let her drive the confrontation - don’t ask questions. Focus on answering hers to the best of your ability. It can be hard to avoid trying to offer quick solutions, but unless she has asked what you’re going to do to fix things, don’t immediately try to. 4. After arguments, apologise and make peace You may have already apologised in the moment, but most of what’s said during arguments is emotionally charged. Within the same day, you should aim to have some more composed thoughts that you can craft into a message to her, written, emailed, texted, or spoken. Try to get to the core of why she was upset and centre the apology on that understanding. If you believe you can make a change to address the situation, commit to that in writing and let her know she can hold you to your word. Include a gift, or the promise of one. 5. Praise her when she asserts herself Be on the lookout for moments when she has just pulled a power move on you. Some examples are: She sent you a link to something as a hint to buy it for her She called for you to come to her from another room, and when you arrived her request was really trivial She made plans for the both of you and shared them as though it was already agreed This is a sign she is getting comfortable calling the shots. She knows she isn’t going to get in trouble with you for pushing boundaries. What you need to do is let her know you love this side of her. Give her exactly what she wants in these moments, smile and tell her you love the way she treats you. If she asks what you mean, describe how the way she was direct with you made you feel. You 6. Start encouraging her wants to become expectations There are probably a lot of things she won’t ask you to do for her and doesn’t expect you to do for her. But you can make habits of these yourself. Ask if she’s hungry and offer to get her drinks. If she is tired or sore, offer to give her a massage,shoulder rub or foot rub. Clean up for her. Make sure she’s aware that she can choose what you’re watching or doing to relax together. When you start opening her eyes to the fact that you are happy to do these things for her, she will feel much more comfortable asking, and eventually expecting you to do them. 7. Let her friends see she’s got you trained well If she wants a girls night out - offer to be the designated driver or pick her up if she needs it. If she wants a girls night in - ask what everyone wants for snacks, get the house clean, close yourself off in a separate room and let her know she can holler if you need anything. Her friends will absolutely make comment if you’re consistently going out of your way for her, and even for them if she asks you to. If you get asked you can say she inspires you, or you feel motivated to treat her this good because of how she makes you feel. This credits her for your behaviour and avoids making her feel self conscious about calling on you in front of her friends. @mommafifi -- source link