blackandbrownlove:War, Racism And Black LoveBy Lamoi| L. Ardor Pride ColumnistHow do you love a Bl
blackandbrownlove:War, Racism And Black LoveBy Lamoi| L. Ardor Pride ColumnistHow do you love a Black Man? That was a question posed on a social media site, and I was not surprised to see the answers were few. For many, that is a prickling question because we answer questions based on our personal experiences and mores. This can either encourage a conversation sharing tips of recipes and massage oils between girlfriends, or cause backs to be pinned against the walls and voices to be raised. The world in which we live has told us that Black men are not lovable; they are sexy, they are stallions, they make beautiful babies, and they are not lovable. So this question of, “How do you love a Black Man?” is as relevant as it is urgent, because many of us are still trying to figure out the answer ourselves.As a Black person, man or woman, living oppressed by a system of racism and White privilege is a war as defined by Merriam-Webster: “An organized effort by a government or other large organization to stop or defeat something that is viewed as dangerous or bad.” We are living this. We are seeing parents, and loved ones praying for their community members to return home from this constant battlefield alive. We are helping our youths arm themselves with knowledge not taught by an educational system designed against them. They are dreaming again, and venturing into entrepreneurial efforts, understanding group economics, and engaging in strategic planning. Yes, some of our Black men and women are also arming themselves for physical combat, trying to grasp hold of the double standard of self-protection, so easily practiced by those in perceived power; right or wrong no longer exists when safety and quality of life are the wagers.Living as a Black person has dire consequences. We have seen how Governments and large organizations view us, what our Black skin affords us, including, but not limited to death, [wrongful] incarceration, rape and sexual assault, fertile sterilization, economic distress, the encouragement and perpetuation of self-hate, and the destruction of the family unit. It is no wonder that many Black people are developing mental health concerns, self-medicating with dangerous life-threatening drugs, and committing suicide. In this battle for our bodies, our money, and our lives, the bets were designed to never be in our favour.Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), widely known to affect veterans and those that have experienced war, is a mental illness which involves exposure to trauma involving death or the threat of death, serious injury, or sexual violence. “PTSD causes intrusive symptoms such as re-experiencing the traumatic event. Many people have vivid nightmares, flashbacks, or thoughts of the event that seem to come from nowhere.”Post-traumatic stress disorder often makes people feel very nervous or ‘on edge’. The symptoms can include, and are not limited to: being startled very easily, having a hard time concentrating, feeling irritable, or having problems sleeping well. Some people also feel very numb and detached, and may have a hard time feeling emotions.According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, there is no definitive reason why trauma causes PTSD in some people but not others, but it’s likely linked to many different factors. This includes the length of time the trauma lasted, the number of other traumatic experiences in a person’s life, their reaction to the event, and the kind of support they received after the event. Though there is minimal research on the effects of racism on our mental health, there is growing evidence that traumatic events, and cumulative micro-aggressions experienced over lengths of time, can and will cause mental health problems such as PTSD.How do you love a Black man? How do you love a Black woman, your Black family members, child(ren), community members? You love them like they are returning home from war.Love them in their Blackness. Respectability politics is the new “passing,” and it is perpetuating the self-hate thought that, “white is right”. If Black men would only stop sagging their pants, they would not get gunned down in the streets; if Black women would stop being so loud in public, racism would go away. If we would speak proper English, we would get better educational opportunities, if we would act more like White people, our lives would be so much easier. History has proven to us that this is not true, and I cannot bold, italicize, underline, and enlarge the font on how damaging that mindset is, because the best course of action for Black people is figure out what we look like, without having to be bullied into taking on another culture’s stereotypical characteristics, for our assumed survival.Love them in their choices. Do not dismiss, deny, or shame the very thing we are fighting tooth and nail for; our choices. Do we have to agree with the choices our loved one’s make? No, and unless there is danger, and harm we should respect them, because our choices denotes our agency, our right to exist, and our right to live the life we want to live. Love them with your patience. If the war follows them home, just know that you are not the enemy, you are a casualty of unfocused energy, self-loathing, and feelings of insecurity and fear. Does that mean that one should become a doormat for misguided anger? No, but if there can be grace, then let grace work, and if your loved one is exhibiting symptoms of PTSD or any other mental illness, speak to a trusted professional, and allow for the option of choice. Do not ignore, and do not encourage them to diminish what could be a very serious issue, if it remains undiagnosed and untreated.Love them with your words, love them with your economic power—where you spend your money builds the kind of community you want. Love them with your mentorship, your time, and your good intentions. Love them with the understanding that Black love is an act of revolution, an act of counter destruction. The best way to fight the destruction of the Black community is to strengthen our ties to one another. Love your Black brothers and sisters by loving yourself first and fiercely. War is something we all have in common now, and home is somewhere we all want to find peace, love, and safety. Though our physical spaces are losing its sanctity, let us work to keep the safe spaces in our relationships._________________________________________________________Ardor is a writer who believes that everything in life stems from love. Her mission is to spread her philosophy to all brave enough to embrace. You can find Ms. Ardor on twitter: @LaLaArdor. http://pridenews.ca/2015/02/25/war-racism-and-black-love/ -- source link