New Year is actually less than 6 hour (for me)2020 is… [insert a negative adjective, maybe] y

New Year is actually less than 6 hour (for me)2020 is… [insert a negative adjective, maybe] year. I’m gonna get vulnerable and overshare some stuff, but to hell with it, it’s my blog :DFor me, 2020 is the worst because I lost somebody so dear to my heart, the one that has supported my art endeavor from the very start, my dad. He had been going in and out of the hospital since the start of the year. At first, it was only for mild thing like Hepatitis, but apparently it torn his immunity down and onslaught of health complication came like CA and tortured him. And in August, two weeks before my birthday, he passed away due to breakbone fever. It hits me hard. I was already in a bad place before that happened and his passing is just adding fuel to the already uncontrollable fire. There has been a lot of moments that make me think that, to put it nicely, deleting my existence from this world is the best thing to do.Looking at it from another perspective, for example, creatively, 2020 has been a blessing. I drew fan art for fun and I didn’t expect much in return. Diving in to Miraculous Ladybug fandom (after being a casual watcher) at the start of this year has been a blessing creatively, because it kickstarted my productivity and motivation to keep drawing. I discovered other fandoms and relived my dormant obsessions during this year too. Interacting with people in the fandom, seeing people amazing feedbacks keeps me from doing whatever horrible thing my brain told me to be doing. So yeah, you may think reblogging or liking or commenting on art/fic is just a small thing, but it can save a life sometime. So thank you, so, so much from the bottom of my heart.I strive to learn extensively about art and doing it a lot more, but I still struggle. I am to this moment, still struggling. Art is something that can make me both happy and sad at the same time. I’m happy because making art is very enjoyable experience and therapeutic to an extent; Other times art can make me sad, I think because some things takes the enjoyment out of it. Like looking at the feedback that I got and comparing myself to people. I saw other’s art and began to feel like I am not as good, or not as funny, or my content has not been as meaningful… I keep struggling with confidence that I have in my drawing and associating it with my self-worth. I don’t want to feel like that and I’m still working on it.Here’s to 2021 and onward. I hope next year my journey would be better, and the world will eventually calm down. Thank you so much for the support and I hope I will see you all again.Au, or Aurum, 31st December 2020.PS. I was going to post this stupid meme but refrained myself xDDD -- source link

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