pom-seedss:yourg4mem4sterth3whit3r4bbit:swordshapedleaves:queerdo-mcjewface:[Image description]Leona

pom-seedss:yourg4mem4sterth3whit3r4bbit:swordshapedleaves:queerdo-mcjewface:[Image description]Leonard PollardMy mom was having trouble using they/them prnouns with some friends for a while. One day she said “I think the problem is that I haven’t changed the way I view their gender outside of their pronouncs which adds several extra steps in converting binary pronouns to they/them then conjugating it. So I need to shift how I see them as a gendered person entirely to make using their pronouns easier.” And since then she hardly ever messes up.[End image description]A lot of the cis people in my life need thisThis is literally why people mess up pronouns and why it’s a problem.Like the reason you’re not calling me “they” is because you still think of me as gendered the way you initially assumed. It’s not just the pronouns I want you to change, they only serve as an acknowledgement of the gender I want you to adjust your perspective to. If you did that, you wouldn’t struggle with it.I think that changing the way you think and talk about a person can be a struggle though, especially at first. New concepts don’t get cemented into people’s minds right away, you need to take time and effort to build those neural pathways.When tired, distracted or stressed it is more likely for their brain to use the path most traveled because it is so well worn instead of the one that takes more effort to achieve. Which is why even well intentioned supportive folks can mess up.Even as a genderqueer person, *I* fuck up sometimes when long-term friends want to go by different things because it takes time and effort to train myself to build those pathways. When I have high pain days, high dissociation days and/or high brain fog days I fuck up a lot more because I do not have as much capability to even remember the new information.I think that gets to more the core of the issue. With practice the struggle lessens, if you correct yourself and actively try to form new conceptions of them in your head, the old pathways get less use over time and are less likely to fire off, the new ones grow stronger and become the defaults.But a lot of people don’t put in that effort so they always struggle, instead of it getting easier as time goes on. Or they only grapple with the subject at all when that person is in their presence and just forget about it the majority of the time.New concepts can be a struggle to learn. Some people have a more difficult time than others. But if you put the gods damned effort in it would get so much easier each time you think about the other person. Will you fuck up? Sure, but fuck put in the effort. -- source link
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