icecoldparadise:heir-of-the-founders:apologieslogan:youreawizardsophie:inner—utopia:ask-rainy-water-
icecoldparadise:heir-of-the-founders:apologieslogan:youreawizardsophie:inner—utopia:ask-rainy-water-princess:genocidershodan:lemonteaflower:anxiety.Or, you know, you could just stop saying sorry.I take it you don’t have anxiety.You can’t “just stop saying sorry”. You do something, something so little, like accidentally bump into someone. You feel horrible about it. Your brain starts panicking and you have trouble trying to breathe. You stutter an apology. They say it’s okay, but you accidentally do it again, and you apologize again. They just say “Aha, you can stop saying sorry.” And you feel horrible that you’ve probably made them angry or upset, so you mutter out an apology for the third stupid time, and they just say to stop saying sorry. Stop saying sorry. You can’t just tell someone to stop saying you’re sorry.…Wow. I’m usually the one that tells people to stop saying sorry. I actually learned something on Tumblr, thanks!my best friend does this all the time. might I suggest that instead of telling people “stop saying sorry” to tell them something a little softer like “no need to apologize!” or “no worries”? I know the last one sounds a little contradictory for someone with anxiety, but as someone with anxiety, even small reassurances that it’s okay mean everything to me.I usually say something like “its okay, you didnt do anything wrong” if the apology seems like it comes out of nowhere. I’ll also ask what they think they did wrong and reassure them about that.My husband does this for me all the time. I’ve got anxiety and have been in abusive relationships so that makes for Fun Times, but he is always gentle and will tell me “there’s nothing to apologize for/you didn’t do anything wrong/you’re good.” And it absolutely helps. I don’t feel bad for apologizing, but I dont need to continue apologizing and am learning that not everything is my fault.It’s a wonderful relief.people who say sorry a lot are often traumatised and/or abused, so even the smallest mistake will be giant to us, because it is to our abusers. we learn to say sorry immediately, and we don’t accept anything that might reassure us.it’s a fucking trauma responsebecause we were conditioned to immediately say sorry in every situation where we might be found at faultplease, be kind, and be patient.can it be annoying/frustrating when someone apologised a bunch of times for something seemingly small? yes. but if you look at it from our point of view, it’s giant. it’s not “you accidentally dropped an orange”, it’s “you dropped an orange you absolute failure, you horrible person, why do you do this”. to you it’s little. to us it is a response from trauma and abuse.please, if there is anything that i could ask of everyone, it is to be kind and be patient. -- source link
#tw abuse#abuse tw#tw trauma#trauma tw