lazy-polyglot:ineeduhnap:misharoux:swedepea:radicallyaligned:The type of the mother I’m trying to be
lazy-polyglot:ineeduhnap:misharoux:swedepea:radicallyaligned:The type of the mother I’m trying to be. Not just encourage bodily autonomy, but reward displays of it, even when it might make someone else in the room uncomfortable.I’ve made so many people uncomfortable in supporting my daughter’s personal space. People will try to hug her, she’ll sometimes say “No, thank you” and the adult will look at me to make her do it, but I just say “It’s ok honey, you don’t have to hug anyone you don’t want to.” It makes people irrationally huffy, making me feel even more justified in supporting my daughter’s choices. Creeps.I legit had to mom-voice some random woman with a “she said no!” when she tried to force a hug on Madison. (who was not very good at verbalizing to people she didn’t know/trust at the time)She replied, “I just want a hug, it won’t hurt her.”Me: She. Said. No. There aren’t many things more important than letting my daughter know that I have her back when it comes to something like this. I work with five year olds and I had a very long talk with them about permission and that your body belongs to yourself and no one else. “Even if you want to hug your friend, you need to stop and ask if it’s okay and if they don’t want you to touch them, you should respect that choice and not do it.” they were like “cool” and then every time after that they had no problem asking their friends “can I give you a hug?” Or “can I hold your hand?” Very politely. If their friend said no, they shrugged and went on with their life. They even started asking me if they could hug me or if it was okay to hold my hand when they were sad. And I always ask when they need comfort “do you need or want a hug?” If they say no, I ask “okay, let me know what we can do as a class to help you feel better. Quiet time? Do you want a stuffed animal? Sit on the couch? Do you need some time alone?” They verbalize what they need and they become aware of their own autonomy and their ability and power to say “no.” Just because someone is an adult does NOT give them the right to hug a child who has said “no” or “no thanks.” Teach then that they own their own body, and no one else is in charge of it. Teach them the power of NO.^^^^^this is so importantSUPER important!!!At the risk of skewing the discussion (sorry - quarantine drinking - doing it anyway), this also applies to animals. Obviously, you can’t *always* give animals bodily autonomy (and you should ALWAYS give humans bodily autonomy), but this is what I’ve learned in my years of fostering cats for a feral cat rescue:I take in the hissiest, angriest kittens. I love working with them and building trust. A HUGE portion of that trust is “I’m going to respect your boundaries.” If I’m working on getting them comfortable with being touched, I will say “Is it okay if I touch you?”Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect the cats to know English, but I have found that they recognize it as a request for contact and they’ll tell me via body language if they’re okay with me proceeding or not. If they aren’t, we just hang out with no touching. There are times when I have to physically pick up/move a cat, whether they want to be or not. And again I will vocalize what I’m doing (and again, I don’t expect them to understand WHAT I’m saying, but they certainly seem to get the gist). Usually it’s something along the lines of “I’m sorry, I have to pick you up an [reason for picking them up]. You are safe and I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”I’ve carried incredibly fractious cats with no incident and it’s from recognizing them as beings with wants and needs and a right to feel and BE safe. WE CAN AT LEAST DO THAT MUCH FOR HUMAN CHILDREN. -- source link