katannauk:I’m afraid my activity / posts ratio has been woefully out of sync for well over a year no
katannauk:I’m afraid my activity / posts ratio has been woefully out of sync for well over a year now. But I suppose the upside is that even if my life changes over the next few years I’ll still have a lot left to write about. This is the same walk from the picture I posted recently of the bluebells in early May. It’s pretty much identical clothing to one of the elevator messes I wrote about but that was last summer and this one was very recently and slightly more shameful somehow. I decided these shorts still had a little bit of life left in them although the waist band is getting looser. I’d held for two clear days before and had eaten quite a lot of healthier food than I’d usually eat when planning. Lots of fruit, lots of veg; generally less greasy evil. It had the effect of making things a little looser than I’d have liked but at least I’m heading back in the right direction now and older clothes are starting to fit again.I wore a pull-up with white briefs above it but I made the mistake of not using rolled up tights so things weren’t as secure as usual, although I did wear some standard thicker tights above as a last line of defense that ended up being essential. I’m not sure what it is about the change of seasons here in the UK but It seems to cause me to go a little bit more insane than usual. It’s like a veil of doom is lifted and everything in the world glitters again. Winter has its cosy charms but just the little things like birdsong in the woods and gentle warm breezes from the south recharge me. And I won’t obsess about the bluebells again as I know I have a problem, but their tranquility and beauty makes me forget how ridiculous my behavior is sometimes. I needed to forget on this mission. I think I disgusted a few people and I felt awful. The standard routine has changed significantly over the previous few years. It nearly always starts with shopping now; something I’d rarely dared to do a few years ago. I’m still just as nervous to do it but with more experience and the knowledge that 90% of the time most people are in their own world and don’t even notice when I walk past with a stained bottom, I generally just have a little more confidence. But when one person notices it seems to become like a domino effect and lots of heads start turning from all different directions. It’s actually quite scary; like there’s some sort of psychic clone connection from a horror movie. That’s usually my cue to power walk to the toilet in an obvious fluster. In this instance I’d become very desperate during the journey to a shopping centre and lost control a little in the car. It was dangerously loose and I could feel how wet things were already. Rather irritating as that was already a complication to the shopping that I needed. It relieved the pressure but then I needed to wee quite badly and whilst wearing a pull-up, for some reason the urgency seems to be harder to fight off and easier to give in to. So I did. A little too much as is always the case. When I’d parked and got out of the car it was already slightly damp to the touch. This meant I had no option but to tie a top around me that would hide anything unsightly. I parked in the multi story adjacent to the shopping centre and walked fairly comfortably into a few shops with only a little pressure nagging. The need to wee kept dominating and it was interrupting my bowel urgency and making me fidget.Having found what I was looking for in a large clothing department store, I checked my top was covering my bottom sufficiently, queued to pay and quite simply gave in and wet myself pretty badly then and there. It lasted for maybe ten seconds before I managed to regain control and I started to get worried that it was too much for the pull-up. I couldn’t notice any obvious smell from the slight mess in the car but now, while trying not to move too much as the wee soaked into the pull-up, I immediately felt my bowels groaning again. There was a couple behind me in the queue and I knew everything was getting more dangerous. I couldn’t reach back to check the situation and just hoped no wee would leak. But my mind was increasingly turning towards the need to poop and when it was my turn to pay I remember walking slowly whilst fiddling with my purse like I was looking for something. I was quite certain the lady serving me at the counter wasn’t someone I’d seen here before. I worry a lot about repeat witnesses. And I’m pretty sure I’ve failed with a few. But either way it was out of my hands now as I’d let the pressure build enough to just give one tiny push.I was unusually relaxed as I messed my pull-up badly at the counter. It only lasted for three or four seconds with a slight squishing noise but the volume and consistency was slightly alarming. I think I managed to keep a totally straight face as I stood there completing payment, knowing my bottom was covered by the top that was tied around me and I felt extremely relieved. I timed it well as I could walk away before the smell really took hold and I’m quite sure it went totally unnoticed. At worst I think it would have been like a small passing of gas which is still rude but nowhere near as offensive as some of my obvious queue incidents in toilets before.The shame came soon after as I did something ridiculous when I went to a few toilets that offered different reflections. The first was quiet but the second was busy. I sat down briefly in the busy toilet with the toilet lid down. Pretty much immediate staining occurred and it mushed everywhere making the smell unsustainable. And then on the way out of the toilets I hadn’t tied anything around me and a group of ladies literally reacted with disgust. The toilets were absolutely full of people waiting quietly who must have sneaked in under the auditory camouflage of toilet flushes and it was a little shocking. I remember one of them put her hands on her head. Like I’d hurt her. It made me feel pretty bad and all I could do was retreat back through the shopping centre. The pics aren’t great quality since I’ve hidden handbag cam better. Some from in the toilets, another from the stairs and one in the clothes section before I tied my top back around me. But their reactions pretty much ended that part of the walk, leaving me feeling pretty ashamed and I headed off to bluebells for some necessary serenity. The bluebells were lovely. As always. No interruptions by dogs this time. I remember last year some dogs kept following me and their owner didn’t do anything. It made me furious. And they trampled the bluebells. I love dogs but irresponsible dog walkers can be so entitled sometimes. I never leave any poop anywhere :p The mess was starting to leak into my tights though so I had to stop the walk but it wasn’t chaffing as it has been a lot lately using the rolled up tights. I need to find a better solution that doesn’t make me sore. Walks I may write up next include a time where I was walking around in clear view without knowing my jeans were stained for at least twenty minutes. Another time when I literally compared accidents briefly in the toilets with a woman who was trying to dry the back of her jeans with a hand dryer. A time when I had to march past two policemen after giving up on stinking up a toilet queue much to the amusement of some teenagers after losing control at a local festival. And another time when the most angelic woman tried to help me. Some people are so lovely. Others put their hands on their heads in disgust like the world has just imploded because my bottom is stained. Ridiculous. It’s all ridiculous I suppose :/I WILL post more often. Thank you for being patient and thank you for reading xxHappy pooping :) -- source link