kowabungadoodles: the-real-seebs: thechekhov:*this is especially important: these days on Tumblr t
kowabungadoodles: the-real-seebs: thechekhov: *this is especially important: these days on Tumblr there’s a wonderful atmosphere of being able to talk openly about your mental illness or your struggle. And that’s great! But there’s a difference between sharing in order to help yourself and other people and sharing just because you have no other coping mechanisms. As much as you’re able, try to work on developing a different outlet. People aren’t qualified to be your therapist because they’re nice to you a couple of times. Please remember that they have lives too, and their job is not to make you feel better or pity you, no matter how difficult your life is. And last but not least: But… I really don’t have a way to better this. Your interests are your own. I can’t advise anyone to change their interests to fit in with a certain group of people - that’s stupid, and actually quite damaging to your sense of self. Instead, I would recommend that, maybe if you feel like your topics of conversation are falling flat with this group of people, you move on to other, greener pastures. There are bound to be places where your ideas mesh better with an audience. And of course - try to be considerate about what you say and how you say it. Sometimes, what might seem like a harmless comment to you might be a very discomforting thought to another person. I recently had a conversation on a forum with a guy who was telling me that his headcanon was that Pearl (from SU) would soon get a male love interest who loved mechanics and weapons next, and that would be her best arc, because she would finally get a ‘healthy’ love interest. His intentions were good, but he was entirely unaware of how cringey this kind of thing was to a bunch of (probably queer) people, who have spent their entire lives being told that the only ‘good’ character development for them would be to get a ‘male love interest’. No one wanted to be the jerk to say “fuck off, we don’t want that to happen” but everyone was answering him in a flat way, trying to discourage the discussion further. Instead of picking up on the hint, he bulldozed on, thinking he was having a ‘lively conversation’ which was, in fact, in its late stages of death. I know I’ll probably get a few messages to this saying: What about people on the Autistic Spectrum? Sometimes, people can’t pick up social cues or ‘hints’. And if that’s the case, it’s incredibly difficult to understand why you’re not having any luck communicating despite your best efforts. I feel that on a person level, please believe me. I made this infograph for THAT VERY REASON. Because I WAS that awkward kid who didn’t pick up on hints well. In fact, I still have trouble talking to people. If any of you have had the misfortune of being my conversational partner, you’ll know that I tend to be overly blunt and come off as very unfriendly. It’s something that I, myself, am working on currently in order to grow into a better person. It’s a struggle in progress, but I am aiming towards the progress side, and I just wanted to help out others while I was at it. This is a really good starting guide to the social skills everyone thinks you should have just picked up magically. So, yes, this is exactly the advice I think autistic people would benefit from; it actually tells you concrete, actionable, things you could do. I wish someone had told me this stuff when I was a kid. Just an addition as it doesn’t get covered much above!Try to take a genuine interest in the other person, their interests and what they’re telling you about. If you’re not experienced doing this, it might take some practice but it’s the best way to connect to other people. Show your interest, by engaging and encouraging them. Practice ‘Active listening’- this is where you don’t talk at all but make small encouraging noises or movements to show you’re engaged and want them to keep talking. Ask follow up questions about their topic. Ask how they feel about their topic. Ask to hear more about a particular part of their topic.Relating their topic to something else you think they would like and connects to it. Try to notice if someone is quiet– they may be being left out of the conversation. Try to make space to bring them in by asking them an open question– ‘What do you think, J?’ -- source link
#listening#conversations