And now I finally understand what’s regret has no way back. The decisions had made by me are now I h
And now I finally understand what’s regret has no way back. The decisions had made by me are now I have to deal with it. I’m now no longer statisfied by the things I having, doesn’t means what I have are not good enough but I felt like I’m not strong enough. I once thought that no matter how bad the situation is as long as it’s my choices I’d be happy. Back to previous 4 years, when I was 12, I had the choice to determine which secondary school I am going to, I wanted to follow my friends. I felt nothing but so well during this 4 years, I been rely too much toward people around me for years. For family, I never worried the fees that needed in life, they’ll always pay for me when there’s a payment. For friends, I thought friendship will never fades, they’ll stand for me when I need, put me in heart whenever where they go. For crush, I gave all the love I have without any left, silly enough to think that the feedback will be a full heart from him. All along I thought myself is counted as an independent girl until I found out when all of them aren’t going the way they used to be or they way I assumed. Family now used to say “if you have no money, don’t think about it”. Friends have new friends, I know some of them still cares about me, but for sure that some day we will be sperate. Crush, too tired to mention about that. I found out I have no courage to leave them and move on, when it’s gone I see no direction, it felt like I pasted my heart to others for a long time and when it came back to me, idk how to handle myself, it’s too weak to be broke. Even most of them never walk away, but I see myself have no ability to stand up and go on alone. I wonder, if, I mean if time can go back, I think I’ll definitely choose a different way, at least I won’t feel this useless and helpless now. Life will offers us lemons so to let us learn and grow, but my biggest mistake was I didn’t really put afford to make things better, I let them goes how they go, I didn’t work hard to get the best, I lost the basic motivation, a good spirit. I’m so sick of being this weak, I need to be stronger to come across all the bullshits are blocking the way, I’ll and I can, watch me. -- source link