john-laurens: foundingfatherjohnlaurens:This heartbreaking letter from Henry Laurens to his brother,
john-laurens: foundingfatherjohnlaurens:This heartbreaking letter from Henry Laurens to his brother, James, begins with a confession that Henry had emotionally disowned John, likely after he married Martha without his approval. Henry is feeling the weight of that emotion as he mourns his eldest son. I have to disagree with your interpretation, as this letter was sent November 15, 1782, just days after Henry Laurens learned of his son John’s death.Henry Laurens learned of John’s death in a November 6, 1782 letter from John Adams:I know not how to mention, the melancholly Intelligence by this Vessell, which affects you so tenderly._ I feel for you, more than I can or ought to express._ Our Country has lost its most promising Character, in a manner however, that was worthy of her Cause._ I can Say nothing more to you, but that you have much greater Reason to Say in this Case, a s a Duke of ormond said of an Earl of Ossory. “I would not exchange my Son for any living Son in the World.”Henry Laurens received this letter on November 12, 1782 (as confirmed by an account by Elkanah Watson in his memoirs Men and Times of the Revolution) and responded to John Adams the same day:For the rest, the Wound is deep, but I apply to myself the consolation which I administered to the Father, of the Brave Colonel Parker. “Thank God I had a Son who dared to die in defence of his Country.”Harry Laurens wrote to his uncle/Henry’s brother James of the news, also on November 12, 1782:My father writ to you sometime the latter End of September, & told me last night, that he intended to write to you again by this day’s Post, but a melancholy Account which we have this day recieved has rendered him wholly incapable, We have heard that My Dear Brother bravely fighting at the head of a few troops against a far superior Number of the Enemy, after thrice repulsing them gloriously fell in defence of his country’s Rights.I cannot locate the letter from James to Henry that preceded the letter pictured above (November 15, 1782), but James made a remark about Henry having two sons (Henry even quotes the line, “You have two Sons they are better than me”). With John now dead, Henry only had one living son, Harry. Henry was likely still very distraught over the news and reacted negatively to James’s remark. I cannot say when James received the letter from Harry bearing the news of John’s death. In the November 15th letter, Henry also quoted the line, “whose sorrow can equal her sorrow,” written by James, possibly referring to Martha Laurens’s grief over her brother’s death (context below). If James did know of John’s death when he made his remark, then that was certainly a low blow with an intent to hurt Henry. It’s also possible that the “You have two Sons” line was a quote from Martha - see below.For further context of this letter, I recommend reading The Life and Times of Martha Laurens Ramsay by Joanna Bowen Gillespie. There was a conflict between the Laurens brothers surrounding Caladon deVerne, a man who had offered marriage to Martha Laurens (John’s sister and Henry’s daughter) without first consulting Henry. Martha had been living with James and his wife Mary at that time, and Henry was deeply upset that none of them had asked his permission before such an offer was made. Henry had also been planning to move back to America around this time (he had been freed from his imprisonment in the Tower of London in early 1782), and he wanted Martha to come with him. There was some resistance as James and Mary were both ill and possibly close to death (James would die in 1784). All of these factors combined created tension between the brothers, which certainly comes across in their letters. Here’s an excerpt from The Life and Times of Martha Laurens Ramsay to provide some context for the November 15th letter:Two days later, 15 November 1782, Henry sent a copy of his deVerne dismissal to brother James. The dying uncle must face its contents, no matter how ill he felt. In the covering note Henry Laurens made it clear that he expected Martha to read it aloud to her uncle, since the first thorn in it was directed to her. Henry wrote, “How deeply was I wounded by your ungracious, unaffectionate taunt, ‘you have two sons, they are better than me,’” quoting James’ words back to both of them. That thrust may have ruptured a lifelong tenderness between younger and older brothers. Or were those Martha’s words, a clear-eyed summary of a daughter’s subordinated status in comparison with the son and heir of her Laurens family? One or both of them, Martha or Uncle James, had cruelly dared to name the inequity of affection in a system that valued males over females. Whoever originated the charge, the next sentence was an arrow of justification plucked from his own bleeding heart: “I have but one son [Harry] and for aught I know, had but one in that evil moment when you excited forboding fears.” That could apply to either daughter or brother.Another taunt had to be returned. Uncle James had confronted Henry with Martha’s profound grief over her brother John’s death: “Whose sorrow can equal her sorrow?” Henry Laurens’ rejoinder to that breathed fire. How dared “a complainer” who has “not felt the little-fingers’ weight of eight years civil war,” brother James himself, “who has been happily placed without the sight and sound of our country’s calamities,” mention sorrow to him - who was just released from prison and an unwilling eyewitness to British destruction of our properties? Henry instantly softened and attempted to contextualize their joint loss as one among thousands in the larger cosmos of war’s destruction: “What are all our sorrows put together in comparison [with] those [of] our many compatriots and friends - a gravelsand to a mountain?”There is also no evidence from around the time of John’s marriage to suggest that Henry “emotionally disowned” him. John wrote to his father of his impending marriage to a pregnant Martha Manning on October 26, 1776:Will you forgive me Sir for adding a Daughter in Law to your Family without first asking your Consent_ I must reserve particulars ‘till I have the pleasure of seeing you_ my Wife Mr Manning’s youngest Daughter promises soon to give you a Grand Child_I cannot locate a direct response from Henry to John regarding the marriage. The next letter I can find from Henry to John (dated February 3, 1777) contains this mention of Martha’s father:Address Mr. Manning in the most respectful terms assure him of my continued regard for himself & family to whom I owe great obligations_ to receive a long Letter from him even without a syllable of Politics would afford me great satisfaction.Most telling of Henry’s feelings towards his new daughter-in-law is this paragraph in a letter to William Manning dated June 7, 1777:Your Son in Law is with me and with me will proceed to Philadelphia where I understand he means to offer his Service to his County_ perhaps you know more of his Plan than I do, the Subject is too tender for me, I cannot dwell upon it, I have given every Mark of my Esteem for him since his Arrival and every reason to believe that I regard his Wife as one of my Daughters, I am sorry they are at such a distance from each other_ but I trust the happy time will come when we shall all meet again_ You & I will have no difference in Sentiments on the point of Fortune when the Times enable me to speak properly on the Subject_ when we shall be restored to a State of Tranquility and barring very extraordinary intervening Losses, I shall find no great difficulty in giving him a larger Establishment than you have mark’d_ as things are I am poor indeed on your Side the Water ‘tis not in my power to give even my Dear Daughter his Wife a Fan or a Ribband_ but I beg she will accept the Assurance of my Regard and Love for her and that when the Door for a free Correspondence shall be open’d I will confirm what I now only can assure upon Paper in the mean time continue Life or come the final Period she and her dear little Girl [Frances Eleanor Laurens] shall not be unnoticed in my last Will and Testament_There is nothing to suggest that John experienced any kind of disownment following his marriage to Martha Manning. He continued to correspond and have a relationship with his father throughout the remainder of his life.Any quotations without links or citations are taken from The Papers of Henry Laurens collection. -- source link