Stitch’s Personal Hobbit Movie Headcanon - The Smauglock Edition So I did my very own Smaugloc

Stitch’s Personal Hobbit Movie Headcanon - The Smauglock Edition So I did my very own Smauglock set of fics which is still an ongoing WIP. It was supposed to be funny and lighthearted and CRACKY. Instead, despite the CRACK, there were obvious obvious hints of EPIC EPIC FEELS. Did I mention it was supposed to be LIGHT AND CRACKY? And yeah, Certain Dwarves were supposed to be Dead in my original concept of this universe but then the Stubborn Sonuvaguns dug in their heels (I’m looking at you, Thorin, Fili and Kili!) and loudly insisted on being included and OHMYGOD FILI AND KILI STOP PLAYING WITH THE FREAKIN’ FIVE YEAR OLD DRAGON-TODDLER!! So yeah, here is my Smauglock Hobbit HeadCanon.  A Consulting Dragon-Detective gets bored easily but give him hobbitlings and apparently tweenaged Dwarves (Fili and Kili GOD DAMN IT YOU’LL BREAK THE PARTY TREE!) and he’ll be happily entertained until suppertime.  By the way, don’t ignore the Tentacle Monster - she’s very proud of her new post in Moria.  Lavender honey cakes and good tea will be very much appreciated! 1.  There is an official version of the story in which the Evil Dragon Smaug dies, the Battle of Five Armies happen, much BAMF-age ensues and everyone lives happily ever after.  2.  This is basically because, as Kili puts it, nobody is going to believe that the Hobbit Bilbo Baggins somehow managed to charm Smaug the Magnificent and convinced him to help the Dwarves, Elves and Men against the Orcs and the other Nasty Creatures on the Side of the Necromancer in the Battle of Five Armies.  3.  Having a Dragon on one’s side may have been one of the reasons why three of Durin’s Line survived the battle. 4.  Of course, many people did not realize that Sherlock Smaug was quite unable to refuse anything asked of him by one John Bilbo Watson-Baggins. Well, maybe except for an astute wizard and certain Dwarves.  5.  Thorin, not being slow on the uptake, cottoned on immediately to what was going on inside the Dragon’s complex head.  For whatever reason, Bilbo seemed to have an uncanny knack of driving away dragon-related gold fever and Thorin was rather grateful for having some hobbit-sense knocked into him (though he’ll be gruff in admitting it).  6.  In another lifetime, Thorin Oakenshield might have made an excellent Detective Inspector in Scotland Yard.  In any case, a Dwarf wielding Orcrist and not afraid to use it on Dragon, Orc, Man or Elf, was a very,very good argument as to why one Bilbo Baggins should be protected and cared for and if Certain Dragons had any sense, very much cherished.  7.  Thorin refuses to think about how that would work out though he does have something of Durin’s Gifts and Sight and has seen the form of a rather odd-looking, dark-haired, Elf-like hobbit instead of a Dragon at times.  He might have chalked it up to too much of Bombur’s mead except that he’d made the mistake in looking too closely at this Elf-like hobbit’s odd-colored eyes and found in them a sorrow and grief and longing deeper and darker than Moria’s very depths.  8.  When John Watson, late of this world we know and once living in London-town, was bereft of his friend Sherlock Holmes, he had first fought off his grief and depression by fighting to clear Sherlock’s name.   9.  He succeeded in that and more. 10.  But John ultimately understood that this would not bring his friend back and he would never get to speak of certain things that he wished, wished he had the courage to speak of when Sherlock was still among the living.  Perhaps he would have been scorned, perhaps he would have been rejected. But at least he could have spoken of these things to a living, breathing man, instead of addressing them to a tombstone.  11.  Grief had very quickly become such an inadequate word to describe how John felt.  12.  Elven Kings, especially ones named Thranduil, are stubborn cusses and have refused to fade from our world.  They also know how to repay their debts.  When Captain John Watson saved one of Thranduil’s sons in Afghanistan, all unknowing of the lad’s true identity, Thranduil offered John a reward.  13.  The Elvenking had not expected to see a certain Hobbit Burglar and something more when he met this man.  So he added a little something to his original offer of a reward - a respite from grief and despair - and John happily accepted.   14.  When Sherlock Holmes returned from his own long journey in unravelling the web left behind by Moriarty and ensuring the safety of the three people who were most important in his life (but John, especially John), he had expected that John would be quite angry with him.  He expected a punch, certainly - perhaps a broken nose or even a lost tooth.  He feared that John might never forgive him and yet hoped that he would eventually earn it.  He feared to lose John’s friendship and yet hoped against hope, irrational and sentimental as it was, that he would get to keep it.  15.  Sherlock Holmes certainly did not expect to return to an empty house.  16.  The children of Luthien’s line have never lacked for courage, stubbornness and sheer determination.  For Sherlock Holmes, it was a matter of eliminating the impossible and finding out that what remained, however improbable, was True.  This included the oldest tales of Elven Kings and a great Half-Elven Queen of a lost Kingdom of Men. When she lost her beloved, all-too mortal King, she lingered in this world, unable to let it go, for hope that she might see him again.  17.  Sherlock was prepared to flatter and cajole a capricious, perilous Half-Elven Queen, as he was quite certain he would make no headway with the proud Elven King. He had not expected to look at the Evenstar’s eyes only to see a sorrow and grief as great as his own. 18.  Sherlock had also not expected this sense of recognition. Nor to be called a name that he only half-remembered in fanciful dreams that he had tried to purge from his Mind Palace as useless data.  19.  Nonetheless, he would follow where John went, even if it was to another life and another world.  And the Evenstar willingly helped him. 20.  The Dwarves are frequent visitors to Bag End, especially the members of Thorin’s Company.  21.  Fili and Kili have made the acquaintance of the Widow Phynn’s two rambunctious boys and more recently, Bilbo’s little nephew Frodo, who had now come to live with him at Bag End.  22.  Bilbo fervently hopes that Dwarves, Hobbitlings and one Dragon will remember to mind the Party Tree. 23.  Fili and Kili would like to state that having a Tentacle Monster guarding Moria would be a splendid idea.  Phredd the Tentacle Monster was completely delighted with the two princes of the Line of Durin. 24.  Bilbo would like it stated that it was not his idea to have Middle-Earth’s Only Consulting Dragon Detective figure out exactly what it meant when they said “The Dwarves dug too deep in the Mines of Moria."  25.  Gandalf had not expected to come out of this adventure with shiny white new clothes. Saruman sulked in his Tower for a good solid 6 months as a result.  26.  Sherlock Smaug was not fond of Balrogs though having a Hobbit with steady hands to tend his wounds was a very good thing. 27.  The Dragon was rather pleased with the shiny mail of mithril Balin crafted for him.  It was much better than a gold waistcoat.  28.  As stated in a previous story, Sherlock Smaug discovered a knack for shapeshifting.  When he finally took the form of a rather odd, Elven-looking Hobbit, he had formulated rather intricate plans to present said form to his Hobbit and erstwhile Blogger without giving him a rather terrible shock.  29.  John Bilbo Watson Baggins was, in fact, terribly shocked to find Sherlock Holmes in hobbit form at his door, instead of being a sensible dragon.  The return of the memories of his life in London and all his past lives in Middle Earth (including certain ones that involved Silmarils and Hounds more horrible than the one at Baskerville) could have broken anyone.  But John managed to punch Sherlock instead for the very long period of grief and despair he suffered and then snogged the idiot senseless because reasons.  30.  Smaug and Bilbo are aware that they would need to return to London eventually and resume their lives as Sherlock and John.  They’ll figure out how to return home and resolve their lives as Dragon and Hobbit before they go.  At least, they’ll figure it out eventually. 31.  In the meantime, 13 Dwarves and one newly-minted White Wizard are coming for Bilbo and Frodo’s birthday party.  Hopefully, the Party Tree will survive it.  32.  Phredd the Tentacle Monster sends happy birthday wishes to her two favorite hobbits.  She may have a bit of a crush on a certain Dwarven King and his two nephews.  -- source link

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