When a Consulting Dragon and a BAMF Hobbit Love Each Other Very Very Much… (Or How Stitch Was

When a Consulting Dragon and a BAMF Hobbit Love Each Other Very Very Much… (Or How Stitch Was Somehow Shanghaied Into Writing Smauglock MPREG Fic by Fili and Kili by Using the Infallible ‘Random-Nexus is Sick and Needs Some Love’ Card) 1.  It must be admitted that Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain had seen his fair share of strange sights but perhaps the spectacle of a Dragon in Hobbit Form, currently ducking from various household items and cutlery being thrown at him by one irate and greatly rounded Hobbit Burglar, was probably one of the strangest. 2.  So fine, Thorin did take some gleeful satisfaction at the look of utter terror on Sherlock Smaug’s face while he tried to placate his very angry mate. 3.  Fili and Kili, of course, were holding on to each other for dear life, laughing themselves silly. 4.  And then Bilbo fainted, which brought Sherlock running, Thorin right behind him and of course there was a great commotion made by the rest of the Company currently visiting Bag End which was settled down by Thorin invoking his “Majestic-I-Am-King-Hear-Me-Roar” powers.  He managed to have Sherlock bring Bilbo to their bedroom, with Oin to check on them, had Bombur, Ori and Dori in the kitchen to sort out dinner for the family, had Dwalin and Nori go to the market to buy the herbs Oin wanted, Bifur, Gloin and Bofur to watch the children - the neighbor’s boys and Bilbo’s nephew Frodo and thankfully, Balin took care of herding Fili and Kili into behaving.  5.  And when things finally calmed down, it was left to Oin to finally explain that their beloved Burglar was pregnant.  Kili was the first to break the stunned silence.  “Can we play with the baby drabbit once he or she hatches?"  6.  It must be stated, for the record, that Thorin Oakenshield did not faint  trying to imagine a wee curly-haired little hobbitling with dragon wings taking over Erebor.  7.  Oin did not explain that in this case, John Bilbo Watson Baggins would not be hatching out a dragon egg.  Ori, with much blushing, had to finally take the rest of the Dwarves aside and explain that Bilbo would be birthing his and Sherlock Smaug’s little drabbitling in the usual manner, at least as far as a Baggins with Took Fairy Blood would be able to.   8.  Oin was too busy helping Bilbo with the bouts of morning sickness and the fact that Bilbo was in full-on nesting mode, which meant driving through some Very Important Rules into the heads of One Amazingly Scatter-witted if Brilliant Consulting Dragon-Detective and Twelve Flabbergasted Dwarves.  9.  Rule Number One - Sherlock handled the Food Cravings at Odd Hours. Bombur took care of feeding the rest of the Company at reasonable hours for meals. 10.  Rule Number Two - One does NOT get into the way of an Expecting Hobbit With Nesting Instincts Kicking Into Hyperdrive. 11.  Rule Number Three - Thorin, Yes, You Have to Stay Near the Homicidally-Inclined Nesting Expecting Hobbit Because He Wants You To and the Baby Doing Walkabout In His Tummy Likes You.  Also Because You Will Spare Us The Horror of His Wrath.  Better You Than Us, Mate.  12. No, Stitch is NOT going to write a Horrible, No-Good, Squicky Twilight/Breaking Dawn Imprinting Joke In This Story.  She’s not that cracked, thanks very much.  Moving on.   13.  Rule  Number Four - If Thorin absolutely has to take some sort of break, Fili and Kili will take over.  The Baby Likes Them Too.  14.  Rule Number Five - Do NOT comment on ANYBODY’s Weight Gain.  Ever.  15.  Thorin’s Rule Number Six -  If Gandalf comments on what remarkable creatures Hobbits are ONE MORE TIME, White Wizard or no, there will be Hell to pay.  16.  Official Rule Number Six - No, Thorin, don’t argue with a Wizard.  We like having a King Under the Mountain, not a Toadstool or a Frog.  17.  Despite his initial horror over how Took Fairy Blood and Weird Shape-Shifting Dragon Abilities conspired to get him Very Pregnant, John Bilbo Watson Baggins was looking forward to meeting the little person currently residing underneath his heart.  18. His little cousin Frodo was, quite understandably, a little bit afraid that Uncle Bilbo and Uncle Sherlock wouldn’t have time for him anymore and the boy was quite stoically prepared to accept that lot.  He was a big lad now and the baby would need quite a bit of looking after.  19.  Frodo, of course, was both amazed and delighted when his Uncles proved him wrong.  And then, he didn’t want for attention from his brand- new Dwarven Uncles, especially his newest playmates, Fili and Kili.  20.  Sherlock and Bilbo’s little "drabbitling” came into this world with a token healthy protest at leaving his Da’s womb but quieted immediately thereafter when his Da held him close and his Papa crooned softly to him. 21.  Little Hamish was born with a shock of black curls like his Dragon Father in his Hobbit Form and those remarkable changeable eyes.  However, the chin was all Bilbo’s and everyone would later discover that Hamish also got his Da’s smile.  In everyone’s considered and non-biased opinion, little Hamish was a most adorable little hobbit, though “Little Drabbit” would be a nickname that would stay with him for quite a long time.  22.  The nickname, of course, was courtesy of Fili and Kili.  23.  It was very clear that Hamish’s favorite person, after his cousin and big brother Frodo, was his Uncle Thorin. Thorin and Hamish’s other Dwarf Uncles happily added to the Little Drabbit’s ever-growing Hoard of dwarven-made toys.  24. Hamish’s favorite toy, made by his Uncle Thorin, was a soft plush replica of Phredd the Tentacle Monster of Moria.  Phredd was absolutely delighted to come visit the new family and was perfectly content to play temporary lifeguard whilst the little ones frolicked in the river.  It had gotten to the point that most of the Shire finally just gave up and accepted the fact that aside from having a Dragon in Permanent Residence, they also had a Friendly Neighborhood Tentacle Monster Visiting at times.   25.  Hamish made his conquest of Erebor complete when he burped up on Thranduil.  Thorin had Ori do a sketch of that moment so that it would be preserved for all eternity. NOTE:  I still can’t believe I wrote this.  DAMN YOU FILI AND KILI!!!!!  I IZ BROKEN!  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? NOTE THE SECOND:  Yes, Random, this is for you. XD  We’re both cracked and I love it. :P -- source link

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