I don’t feel comfortable posting on social media about such a sensitive topic, I just want it
I don’t feel comfortable posting on social media about such a sensitive topic, I just want it to be an expression of love and I feel my ego involved when sharing with people for some reason. I have always posted from my heart on this blog so it feels more like and expression and memory for myself. I don’t think anyone will read this but it still feels like it’s going out into the world to be expressed. Makena, my first memory of you was when my parents told us we would be moving next door to 3 boys and that one of them had glasses. I said “he has glasses?” with a weird funny face because I was teasing and making fun of you. I am sorry I teased you love. I’m sorry I forgot to say happy birthday on your 21st. I’m sorry I didn’t come to your going away party because of my social anxiety. I’m sorry that I left your house when we were watching lost because I felt like I needed to do my homework. I’m so upset that we couldn’t see you when we were in Portland a couple months ago. I’m sorry I disappointed you so many times for not coming over because you had other friends over and I was anxious. You have been the one person who radiates pure love and joy to me and who I have always felt comfortable around and who’s energy felt like a warm hug. You are happiness. listening to you practice your guitar from my house, I miss you so much. Thank you for getting me out of my house to hang out with you at your house even though it was just us watching tv:). thank you for being someone who understands me and who I could watch totoro and castle in the sky with until 3 in the morning without any awkward silences. That night when I showed you my pendulum and how I could channel my subconscious through it by saying a statement and seeing which way it swayed, and you didn’t believe me when I showed you and then I told you to try it and you held it in your hand and your statement was “I like pillows” and I couldn’t stop laughing that was the purest funniest and happiest laughter I have ever experienced because you are pure love. I told you things I wouldn’t tell anyone else because you have this magnetic energy that makes me feel comfortable and connected as such a good friend like a brother. thank you for getting me the totoro pouch in Portland because you know I love that movie. Two New Years ago we hung out at my house after the party and we stayed up and you played my piano and we took selfies on snapchat which I regret deleting more than anything. A memory is you carrying me on your back in Oregon to the waterfall. one of my best memories with you was when we were at the gorge in Oregon and you and I were the only ones who walked barefoot in pain all the way to the end and you jumped into the freezing cold waterfall because you’ve always had such a presence with nature when my physical body literally couldn’t handle it. I know it’s because you are more present in the frequency of love. everyone was mad at us for making them wait when they didn’t want to walk to the end, but I say they just didn’t know what joy felt like that day and I did because I was with you. You are one of my best friends. you are one of the few people who’s energy meshes with mine. you are such a passionate chef and musician. I know that life is weird and in a way not real because you can just leave so quick. and I know that we just have our own emotions to deal with now, only ourselves and our world. that’s comforting in a way because it brings perspective to how nothing really matters and everything is an internal experience. When I found out that something had happened to you, I thought I’d never feel such sadness in my whole life. but now it reminds me that you have also been one who’s made me feel the same extent of happiness. But, you have inspired me to act with pure love. You were living your life doing what YOU loved and without any resistance to it. You inspire me so much because it shows me that that’s all that matters, doing what makes you happy. You are probably the only person I know personally who lived with pure respect for what you love to do, because you did it. You have inspired me to take control of what I love, and to turn my head to what I do not love. I have made a commitment in my heart and actions now to live and eat cruelty free because that is something I have felt so deeply in my heart this past year but I never took control and did it fully. but you have inspired me to call bullshit on everything else holding me back and embrace what makes me feel love. you will continue to inspire me to follow my heart and to be one with the frequency of love that the world has to offer. I know your energy has manifested into something wonderful that the universe will experience again. I look forward to seeing you in another lifetime. Makena.. to just see your smile one more time. All my love, friend. To his family and Bryce especially, there is nothing anyone or anything can say or communicate that will help your pain. But this process will deepen and expand your heart…And it is love and expansion that will heal this world. -- source link