But the thing is, too… they want us to be silent. . . This isn’t just about the nature of emo
But the thing is, too… they want us to be silent. . . This isn’t just about the nature of emotional abuse + secrecy. It’s not just about trauma recovery. It’s not just about shame. . . It’s also about what happens after the separation. In narcissistic emotional abuse, we are essentially a psychological prisoner of another person. When we find the audacity to leave them, they (or their unwell ego) go into a panic thinking, “How can I maintain control?” . . The answers are obvious and well known by survivors of all sorts: continued emotional abuse of a different nature than within the relationship and an almost non-stop barrage of gaslighting. . . This will continue on and far beyond the end of the relationship for as long as we allow it and participate in it. . . We become psychological prisoners in the first place because we are drawn to the patterned behaviour that mirrors our dysfunctional childhood like a moth to a flame. . . The patterns become further entrenched when we act them out with our narcissistic dance partner again and again and again. . . It becomes a baseline from which we function. We will find ourselves getting drawn in and dragged down over and over. The invitation to participate in the dance is almost irresistible. Almost. . . We must refuse to participate. It is painful. It feels so, so wrong. Like our bones losing a sense of gravity, the world is tumbling and turning and cognitive dissonance means we can’t possibly see a way through or around it. We MUST STOP in spite of these sensations. . . This is where secrecy comes in. You cannot go through these withdrawal symptoms all on your own. . . As long as it’s a secret, they can press the buttons (literal and figurative) and get that long-desired, predictable reaction from us. We have no baseline to function from except for the one that developed through the abuse. . . Until we start telling stories. A little venting here, questioning there. Confessions and admissions. Advice and anger. Rage and rebellion. . . It is impossible for them to continue to hold us as psychological prisoners when we learn to own our own stories. . . Tell Your Story, Take Back Your Life https://www.instagram.com/p/BzHYmM-ga0C/?igshid=11oo5lypxzzk2 -- source link