I used to do it too. Details on details. Story after story. And then this… and then that&hell
I used to do it too. Details on details. Story after story. And then this… and then that… Oh, but I forgot about this other part. I wanted to explain every feeling, every word, every rationalization. I wanted to justify my feelings, justify my thoughts, justify my struggle and indecision. I wanted to justify why I was doing what I was doing. I wanted to vent my frustration and resentment. Then I’d realize how horrible I had made it sound and back pedal over my own story, replacing the narrative with something not so bad. In my own mind, in my journals, the patterns are easy to identify. Rage, resentment, frustration transforms into guilt, not-that-bad, and remorse, which slips into rationalizing, justifying, and deliberating. These are many of the ways that I continually stripped my own power away so that I wouldn’t have to do what was obvious: protect myself. We think the details matter, because details are what narcissists use against us. They use details to serve their own points and purposes. When we bring details back to them, they shape shift, bend over backwards, and contort their narratives to avoid truth and culpability. Either way it serves, because as long as we are focused on the details, we are distracted from the big picture. Narcissists know that big-picture realizations are the end of the relationship: the end of the game. We use the details against ourselves because we aren’t ready to face the truth. We aren’t prepared for the repercussions of accepting reality. We aren’t ready to change. We aren’t ready to take responsibility for our part. We are ashamed of the actions we’ve taken while in the trance of narcissistic abuse. It’s too painful to look at any of it. When the big picture is excruciating, we focus on the details. We focus on the reasons for that one specific fight, and ignore the fact that we’ve fought for 90 days straight. We focus on what they said and not on how the verbal abuse is affecting our mental health over all. We focus on the sweet surrender of the honey moon phase, and not on the obvious pattern of abuse (after honeymoon comes the next reckoning). Continue reading at the link in my bio https://www.instagram.com/p/ByVbdFxABqK/?igshid=1g8kpegkjvdo8 -- source link