I’ve moved across the country before, obviously, that’s how I got here. 5 years in Lethbridge and no
I’ve moved across the country before, obviously, that’s how I got here. 5 years in Lethbridge and now it’s time for the next step. . . In a practical sense, I’ve already done it. This time is different for a number of reasons. . . Prior to moving to Alberta in 2014, I was living with my mother. A fun situation descended into abuse within a 6 month period of time, and I should have expected that… but didn’t. I was also living apart from my abusive partner (he with his parents). Behaviours were spiralling and I blamed it on our uncomfortable living situation and the influences of our parents. . . When you’re surviving, all things practical are easy. It’s the intangible and untouchable nature of abuse, which is impossible to decode while within it, that feels hard. . . In my mind: easy solution. We move cross country, start fresh, away from ‘negative’ influences… voila! Perfect life. . . I did all of the planning, made the arrangements, explained what my partner was to do and when in order for the “plan” to work. . . And it did. In spite of almost constant sabotage and emotional punishment from my mother and partner, we made it exactly according to my plans. . . This time I am not running. . . There is a huge difference between being motivated by the desperate need to escape and being motivated by the dream of a more expansive life. . . It is motivation by fear versus motivation by hope. . . I don’t know how to be motivated by hope. It’s not something I’ve had very much experience with in this lifetime… yet. . . We aren’t in a rush. We plan to drive and enjoy the journey - our first ever family cross country road trip. We want to enjoy ourselves, feel the magic, step into the flow. . . Planning to enjoy myself seems like an oxymoron because I have such a slant for efficiency. . . Imagine that. The next step of my growth is to learn to trust hope and to enjoy myself. . . : April 2014, Lethbridge (at Lethbridge, Alberta) https://www.instagram.com/graceunfoldingwithcaitlin/p/BxERBElApbI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1gy4fghawgbr1 -- source link