When we are recovering from any type of abuse, we will probably go through a period of grieving..
When we are recovering from any type of abuse, we will probably go through a period of grieving. . . Sometimes we think Did I make a mistake? Was I wrong? Did I/ do I love them? I don’t want to go back, why am I sad about this? What’s wrong with me? . . We might feel confused and heart broken, but spiteful and resentful all at once. . . Abuse always comes with a dream — this is why we stay. It’s a dream we sell to ourselves and that the abuser reinforces every time the relationship enters a honey moon / peacemaker phase. . . It inevitably descends back into abuse, gaslighting, and the deconstructing of our sense of self… but the dream is always there. . . The dream of a perfect life. The dream of what it “could be like” if they could “work on their issues” or “stop doing XYZ.” . . We convince ourselves they’ve gotten better… they’re working on it. We convince ourselves it’s not that bad. Maybe we even convince ourselves that we are already living the dream — the delusion. This is the denial of abuse. Denying the present reality in favour of the dream and of the delusion. . . So when we open our eyes and look with plain vision at the present reality and the reality of the true past as we know it, we are heart broken… because we can no longer see the dream woven into the madness. . . The grief of losing the dream, the ideal, of someone is utterly heartbreaking. . . This has been some of the most challenging, ongoing work for me. I am a generally idealistic person, an optimist, one might even call me naive. I can’t change — I’m light hearted and free spirited. . . We grieve the dream, maybe more than the person we lost. . . . Sometimes dreams hurt. When I compare the dream alongside the reality I can feel it rip through my body like being dropped into freezing cold water. . . It’s that rude awakening that I never wanted and yet, somehow, I feel grateful. . . Grateful to be free. Grateful for my willingness to see truth my willingness to let go my willingness to surrender, to stand up, to lean into integrity. . . To become fully ones self, we must release incongruent dreams and accept what already is. (at Lethbridge, Alberta) https://www.instagram.com/graceunfoldingwithcaitlin/p/BwZpSXMAhX0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1paf6wi8kcf7 -- source link