As survivors, we usually hold a lot of insight and wisdom to offer to others. We’ve been there, done
As survivors, we usually hold a lot of insight and wisdom to offer to others. We’ve been there, done that, felt the shame, clawed our way out. We hold understanding in our bones that whispers to us at the slightest inkling of toxicity. . . We understand the patterns. We can hear through the tones to understand the deeper meanings. The body language is so painfully obvious. The shifts in energy as certain people move through a room. We get word choice and can read between the lines. . . Very little gets past us. . . And then maybe have friends or family members who we chat with about their other friendships or romances. . . They tell us a story and we feel that old familiar feeling. Covert emotional violence. We gently make some suggestions. . . The work here is to avoid sinking into codependent “fixing” or over-giving advice until our mouths run dry. . . I’ve generally had two experiences with this. . . Advice and suggestions are received but no changes are made and as time goes by I continue to listen to story after story of unacceptable interactions and behaviour. . . Otherwise, advice or two-cents are completely unwelcome. It’s as simple as the fact that they don’t want to hear it. Likely because they already know but they’re trying to avoid it and don’t want to be reminded. . . While this is frustrating, it’s beside the point. . . The pattern is that this person is tolerating covert emotional abuse. . . As a result, they cannot be fully vulnerable… nor can they withstand the discomfort that comes with vulnerability. . . If you show vulnerability, perceived weakness, softness… it becomes intolerable to this person and they will punish you for it. . . Punishment looks and feels like brushing you off, deflecting, derailing the conversation, inappropriate ‘jokes’ that sting, undercutting, competition & comparison, one-upping, disagreeing (refusing to validate), among other things. . . Some people only communicate in these ways… some, in response to discomfort and/ or triggers. . . We want to sympathize because… . . Continues (at Lethbridge, Alberta) https://www.instagram.com/graceunfoldingwithcaitlin/p/Bu30VK1nhnu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8kcm8f2xwit2 -- source link