This is something that’s very triggering to me. Any toxic relationship I’ve ever ended has in some w
This is something that’s very triggering to me. Any toxic relationship I’ve ever ended has in some way involved this avoidance technique. We attract our triggers so we can work on them. . . It’s a means of intentionally frustrating someone. None of them ever appreciated my whip-sharp logic or the way I challenged them. They didn’t like the intensity, the passion, or ‘losing’ arguments. . . The easiest way to break down someone like me is to derail the conversation and make it seem like a mystery as to how it happened. When your mind moves quickly and tracks conversation easily, it feels like herding cats to keep a conversational de-railer on track. It’s emotionally exhausting and always results in zero conversational outcomes or solutions. . . The universe played a cruel joke on me (aka gave me an excellent opportunity for learning and growth). My partner does this to me. He distracts and avoids — totally unintentionally. It’s an avoidance technique that we may develop in response to intense pressure from, say, someone like me. . . So the joke goes both ways. I am triggered by avoidance and derailment and he uses those when triggered by intense, argumentative language. We both learned from other people. It doesn’t even matter from who, it is what it is and we have to deal with it. . . I call him out. I call myself out. He forces himself to stay on track for my sake. I tone down my intensity and language for his sake. . . Just because we have picked up manipulative or abusive behaviours doesn’t mean we are doomed. It doesn’t make us or our partners abusive. . . It means we have choices — day by day, moment by moment — for how we will respond to each other. . . Unconscious or intentional continuation of dysfunctional or abusive patterns of behaviour is emotional neglect and abuse. . . Intentional behaviour changes or adjustments in response to our partner’s needs, IN SPITE of our own conditioning and triggers — guys. That’s love. . . This is how we fight for each other. (at Lethbridge, Alberta) https://www.instagram.com/graceunfoldingwithcaitlin/p/Bubr4rdHvn9/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xt99qxz8meth -- source link