December has been… A very, very long month.My insomnia has been pretty close to the worst it&
December has been… A very, very long month.My insomnia has been pretty close to the worst it’s ever been – it’s been bad all year, but while I’ve gotten used to losing one or two nights of sleep a week (which, realistically, I really shouldn’t have had to get used to, lol) this month has been a maelstrom of being completely unable to predict my sleeping habits. (I had a period of 10 days towards the beginning of the month where I had a grand total of 23 hours. That was, uh, not fun.)On top of that, my self-esteem and self-worth has been pretty much zero. As far as I can tell, it wasn’t actually caused by anything in particular – my brain latched onto a few things so that I could have specific things to feel like garbage about, but I think it’s been entirely opportunistic.There’s been a lot of convincing myself that people don’t actually care about me – that friendships are tenuous, that they’re one-sided, that it’s all ultimately a matter of time before the next thing crumbles in front of me. (And there have been a handful of examples this month that have made it a lot harder to tell myself I’m making it up.)Add to that this damnable lockdown – I haven’t seen my partner in a month, and I won’t be until Jan 23 at the absolute earliest, and it hurts so much more than I was expecting it to.Anyway. I’m realistically not through the shitty period yet. Self-esteem and self-worth are both next to nothing, if I’m honest. My goal the next little while is to try and push through it. Fake it till I make it sort of thing. It’s all part of the natural cycle of living with the hell that is my brain chemistry, ultimately. ♂️https://www.instagram.com/p/CJVp_MIlKBi/?igshid=13nf9e0htm27k -- source link