It’s been two days, and this exchange on Twitter is still really bothering me. And I’m trying to fig

It’s been two days, and this exchange on Twitter is still really bothering me. And I’m trying to figure out what about it, exactly, is continuing to bother me so much. And I realize it’s not the exchange itself that’s bothering me, it’s what the OP subtweeted after the initial exchange.Cuz here’s the problem - I followed him, so I saw these subtweets. Right after I tweeted at him, I saw him subtweet me saying “fuck you” and saying that AFAB nonbinary people are the most hateful trans people and I just…And look, he said in the exchange that he was triggered by what I’d tweeted, so I’m not, like, calling out the OP and I’m not trying to say, like, ‘how dare he be upset and angry.’So what’s bothering me about this? Well, on a personal level what’s bothering me is I feel I’ve been misunderstood and that misunderstanding has become a thing that the OP has used to cast me and people like me as bad and hateful and transmisic. And having people be angry at me after misunderstanding me is a personal point of trauma - so that’s one part of it.But on another level - what’s bothering me is that what happened here is two trans folks have, essentially, triggered each other through a twitter exchange. But I have about 30 followers and he has about 5000 followers. So he tweets to his 5000 followers that AFAB nonbinary people are the most hateful trans people based on an exchange he had with me. And I’m one of those followers. And for some reason he muted me but did not block me. So, he’s effectively left me to see him talk about me with no space for me to address any of it.Because let’s say I reply to any of his subtweets, well he says he’s muted me, so he wouldn’t see it (which is fine because setting a boundary is not a problem). His followers might see and decide to reply to what I say - but chances are that’d be to come to the defense of the OP. And that’s fine - again, OP is clearly genuinely hurt and followers will of course feel aligned with a person they follow…like, that’s not a criticism of his followers.But still I’m left with seeing these tweets that pretty effectively make me feel like a fake-trans, like cis-light, like an imposter. As though my own complicated experience of gender is itself doing harm to others. And, again, with no way to address any of that within the space in which it is happening.And I’m left with a one-way boundary. A “don’t talk to me but watch as I talk about you” sort of non-boundary. And that’s a tactic you use against either truly hateful cis people and/or people with large platforms. But it doesn’t sit right with me to use that sort of tactic when everyone involved is a not-famous trans person.So those are my thoughts on that. Cis folks, if you’re reading this, if you have thoughts and feelings please don’t share them. They might be really good and right and I still really do not want to see them. Trans folks out there, if you’re reading this and you have thoughts and feelings, I absolutely welcome them. -- source link
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