Violet Evergarden Ever After: Chapter 4Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If

Violet Evergarden Ever After: Chapter 4Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases. In case anyone is feeling generous: Ko-fi | PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*← Previous || Index || Next →A letter was the same as havingone’s heart sealed in an envelope. Words that one could never say in front ofthe other person were easily born in letters. Getting hurt and displaying lovewas just so simple, precisely because the other party was not in sight. Thatwas why it had a more lethal effect and caused more loneliness. What could befelt from the smell of paper and ink, as well as the strings of characters leftthere, was “absence”. And also the “time” that the other had spent for yoursake. The more one missed the other, the lonelier they would be at the fact thatonly their feelings had been delivered. However, even if it were just theirfeelings, they wanted to deliver it. That was why people took their pens inhand and wrote down “dear you”. “Dear You” and the Auto-Memories Doll At a certain army base, a colonel ofthe army was about to write a letter.He was facing his desk, staring at ablank sheet of paper in a room where there was no one but him. For roughly afew minutes, he remained silent, not moving the fountain pen in his grasp.From the room’s window, he could seethat a gelid wind was blowing outside.In the southern country that he wasoriginally supposed to be living in, he was not able to witness such frigidnessand colorless landscape even in autumn. This was a cold land. Specifically, itwas a northern nation far from the country of Leidenschaftlich, where he,Gilbert Bougainvillea, had vowed to serve.This country had been an enemy onein the past. He was there, in a military base that served as a deterrent.Copious in mental exhaustion, life in said base was beginning to create a creasebetween his eyebrows.The wind hit the window withrattling noises. His gaze incidentally stolen by the remarkably strenuous soundsthat the window was making, Gilbert left the fountain pen on his desk for once.He had not made progress with a single line, thus he should have a break or achange of pace. He took a sip of tea that was already becoming cold and heaveda sigh.Today was his recess, the only day whenhe was released from military services. A day off, leisure time – the kind of wonderful day when there was noone to bother him. On top of that, he was an unmarried man who had neither awife nor children. He could do as many things as he wanted on such a day. Hecould go outside or spend it in self-indulgence in his room. However, he didneither, making effort to do something meaningful instead. Which was to write aletter.His best friend would have saidthis: “Y’know, without a just cause like me taking you outside or for the sakeof socializing… you immediately turn into a guy who sucks at having fun. Getat least one hobby, I tell you.”Unfortunately, Gilbert did not havehobbies that could be called hobbies.It might be more fitting to say thathe had never had time for finding a hobby. Having been raised by a strictlydisciplined family, he had succeeded the inheritances and devoted his youth tothe battlefield.The fact that he would be attemptingto do something “useful” when it came to what someone like him would be doingin his day off, almost so that he would not be scolded by anybody, wassomething that could not be helped. That being said, it was not as if he didnot want to write a letter. After all, he had already decided on the recipientand had feelings he wished to convey.His most beloved person. He had noidea in what part of the world the beautiful Auto-Memories Doll who had crossedhis mind numerous times in his life would be right now. The two of them couldnot see each other often, but their relationship had become all the more likethis ever since Gilbert had come to this military base.This is the story of a couple in themiddle of a long-distance relationship, which could be found anywhere. To Ms. Violet Evergarden.I have taken up the pen for the first in a longtime. We have been passing each other due to work and have not been able tomeet for a while. That was what I had been telling myself, but my heart cannotseem to settle down, hence why I am faced with a letter now.I have not done this ever since I replied tothe letters that you wrote to me in the past. I will be happiest if my writinghas improved since then. Your handwriting is beautiful, so mine is no match forit at all.When I found out that, before I knew it, you havecome to learn more words than me and became able to write letters that devoteyour feelings to them, I was extremely surprised. I already expressed mygratitude before, but thank you for the letters.Whenever we are apart like this, looking atthat bundle of letters makes me feel a little at ease.My daily life currently resolves around goingon surveys in various places, so I have not been able to step onLeidenschaftlich’s soil. Conflicts caused by weapon imports from outside thecontinent and intermediaries from countries that do not have trade treaties areslowly but surely increasing. Almost like blood welling up from a shallowwound.Fortunately, our country has been maintainingthe peace after the Continental War, but it is impossible to tell when thesparks might befall us. In fact, we are proceeding towards solving the problemon the North’s side. The subsequent maintenance of public order in the defeatednations is our proposition as the winners of the war.Wounds become infected in the weakest spots andturn into a terrible thing.The liberation the North side’s military powerand seizure of their technology was sought as compensation after the war. Thisdebt came to us with time. We did liberate their military power, so shouldthere be any need for an armed intervention, we will be the ones to reach ourhands out.Leidenschaftlich is the largest military nationon the South. These kinds of things will continue happening from now on as well.I feel no dissatisfaction towards it. I wasable to predict this outcome, though not all of it. My father also used to saythat the things called wars are never over, even when people think they are. Withinme, too, the Continental War will surely never end. That may be just theobvious, as my entire youth was dedicated to it.I had intended this to be a love letter to you,but by no means did work out.Apparently, I have no vocation for letters.Hodgins asked me if I would write an autobiography or something of the sortwith him after retirement, but I am glad that I politely declined.Summer is about to end over there, isn’t it?Cold times are coming. Do not forget to adjust your prosthetics.I am always thinking of you. Wholeheartedly.—Gilbert Bougainvillea   To Mr. Gilbert Bougainvillea.How are you faring in this end-of-summer season,where even the color of the moon appears cold?I am immersed in pleasant surprise, Major, as Ihad not expected to receive a letter from you.Your handwriting is somewhat tremulous. Must bebecause it has become colder.Just as you instructed, Major, I am thinkingabout adjusting my prosthetics before it becomes truly cold.Even though you went through the trouble ofsending me a letter, Major, I had to receive it in delay as I was in along-term business trip, thus I apologize for my reply being late.I have seen your address; you are in a militarybase in the North’s side, right? I can most certainly receive yourcorrespondence if you send it to either the Evergarden estate or the CH PostalCompany, but Major, what should I do when you move locations? Is it all rightto leave this to one of our company’s postmen?If it were Benedict, he should be able to lookfor and deliver the correspondence anywhere as long as I pay for the travelexpenses. Is it all right to ask him? No, this confirmation is only in case wehave many letter exchanges like this. If things are hectic, please do not mindme. You already wrote me a letter while you were busy. Just from that, I feelas if I can operate without rest for a few years.If you ever happen to send me a letter again,please write in the way that you normally speak to me. It is not the first timethat I receive a letter from you using formal language, but by all means, do itin the usual way.As of now, I am on a ghostwriting businesstrip, and once I return to the company, I will be assisting its other office,which will be opened next spring. Benedict will be its president, and thedelivery and reception of correspondence will be transferred to it altogether.Much like President Hodgins, Benedict will also have a residence in the officebuilding, so my job after I return to the company will be mainly to help himwith the moving.I am able to contribute with physical labor dueto the prosthetics, but I cannot contribute with selecting furnishings for aroom. According to Benedict: “No way. It’d look like a prison. You leave yourclothes and bedroom stuff for other people to pick, don’t you?”Indeed, I have never chosen belongings bymyself. I have always been wearing what someone else chooses for me. While weare apart from each other like this, I have made decision making into a taskfor myself, and I am doing utmost effort so that, much like President Hodgins,I will have polished the techniques I have mastered until the next time wemeet.My apologies; I had also intended this to be alove letter, yet it turned into a task submission.I am also doing my very best thanks to thesupport from your letters. Please do not overdo it.Do call me anytime you need me. I am alwaysthinking of you. With my whole heart.—Violet Evergarden   To Ms. Violet Evergarden.Thanks for replying to my letter. Are you doingwell?It feels very strange to have a letter from youdelivered to a military base. It gives me the actual feeling that you’re nolonger a girl soldier, but an Auto-Memories Doll, as well as my significantother.Fortunately, this wasn’t inspected. Good thingI told my subordinates not to open the envelopes of letters addressed to me.Everyone has been on alert ever since a suspicious object was delivered to thebase.You asked me not to use formal language, sothat’s what I’ll do. Did it feel a bit blunt? When I’m writing like this, Ifeel like the way I speak is a little curt…But if it’s something that you wish for,whatever it is, I’ll do it.Having you ask something from me feels good.We’re lovers, so if there’s anything you wish for or that you want me to do,tell me.Hodgins had told me about the company split-up,but next year’s spring is quite early for that.The name of that blond young man appeared manytimes in your letter, but isn’t he working you hard? It seems he keeps up a bigbrother façade, calling you his little sister figure, so I wish he’d properlyhire someone for these mundane duties. Do take appropriate rest on your daysoff.I get the hunch that you can’t really refuse someonewhen they’re pushy. It could also be said… that I’m the one who caused you tohave this kind of disposition, so I’m not in the position to ask for such athing… but make sure not to accept too many requests from men.There are people who don’t know that you’re anoble and precious person. There’s a part of you that still isn’t aware of thiseither. Violet, you’re someone who should be cherished. Treasure yourself.Regarding the letters, there will be no problemwith sending them to this military base for a while. I’ll also ask thedepartment that deals with mail to forward to me immediately in the unlikelyevent of a transfer.Regarding the furnishings, Hodgins seems likehe’d be the one to nag more about these things, but if he wasn’t entrusted withthat, it means they have different tastes. I know a furniture store that myclassmates and I used to go to back when I was a student, in order to buythings to bring to the dorms for cheap prices. I’ll write down the address justin case. I think there will probably be many things that he’d take a liking ofin it.I haven’t chosen much of my personal belongingseither. My parents were strict, so all I did was to gradually figure out whatthey wanted and pick it.People’s hobbies, as well as their interestsand preferences, are unique to them. Take your time to realize what yours are, inhowever way you like. Any version of you is the you that I love.Wholeheartedly.—Gilbert Bougainvillea   To Mr. Gilbert Bougainvillea.You doing well, Gilbert?The booze I put in this package is a good onethat I got my hands on, so I’m sharing it with you. You’re short on stuff overthere, aren’t you?Y’know, I thought I knew how cold yourpersonality is, but… you really don’t cherish a friend, huh. I was surprisedwhen I heard from Little Violet that you were suddenly sent to a rural area –y’see, you didn’t tell me.No, I get it, okay? This kind of thing getsdecided out of the blue. I understand that ‘cause I was in the military too.But at least say something to me before you go. If I happened to have a day offat that same time, I could have gone with you… While I’d be looking aroundthe trendy shops, you’d be doing your job over there without sparing me anythought, wouldn’t you?What a cold man you are… Do you haveemotions? So you don’t love me? No, you do love me, right? Did I do anything toyou?Hey, tell me, Gilbert. Are you being treatedcoldly because you were transferred to the countryside, even though you werepromoted? Or maybe because you’re a newbie colonel?I’m hurt so I’ll bombard you with lots ofquestions. I’ll act like a wife scolding you for picking work over our home.Well, take that as a joke.You’re from a special ops squad, after all.Guess there’s no helping getting transferred to places that reek of gunpowder.Your colleagues are all older than you. They’re probably considerate enough tolisten when stuff’s going on, though…Could be for any reason, but can’t you comeback just for a little? I wanna see your face. How’s that? I’m honest. Unlikeyou. I properly show my love.So, how’s it? Can’t you come back? I wasintending to invite you for the opening ceremony of our new company. I thoughtabout having you cut the ribbon and say, “It’s open”. Well, you’d probablyrefuse, though.Let’s drink for the first in a long time.There’s stuff you can’t ask without drinking.As for what it is, it’s about Little Violet.Not asking much about it until now is a maturethoughtfulness on my part. But y’know, it’s been quite a while ever since youtwo reunited… I’m concerned about this because I’m her guardian.The madam and the family head of the Evergardenhousehold are probably concerned too. Isn’t that the same for the people atyour place?Don’t know about how it’d be for a liberal likeme, but the family head of the Bougainvillea being unmarried at that age isbound to become quite the rumor in social circles. If you’re lovers, make anofficial announcement.This kind of stuff matters. Rather than hidingit and suddenly getting found out or something like that, the public opinionwould be on our side if you’d just say it upright. I’m the one telling youthis, so trust me. Don’t look down on my ability to take grasp of human nature.I get how you feel, okay?Your relationship with her won’t be somethingtemporary, and you won’t run away from it, but you’d want to put conflictson-hold for now, yeah? People would definitely say something about it, afterall.I mean, she’s your former subordinate, there’stoo much of an age gap, and if they persist in asking about Little Violet’spast or something, you won’t be able to answer, will you? You’ve got manylittle sisters. And your mother is alive. Even I was at loss about this atfirst, so I can tell what kind of reaction those people would have.You’re probably in a honeymoon-like phase rightnow, so you feel something like… you want to be just by yourselves withoutanyone meddling, right? But you’d best make up your mind and introduce her.Most of my surviving relatives are women too,and well, they’re fussy. That’s also what’s cute about them, but lots of thingsinstantly become impossible to maintain when women hate you, so you should accordthem every courtesy from the get-go. The one keeping secrets gets told offlater.It’ll be a matrimony with the Evergardenhousehold on the surface, so there’s no problem, right? She’ll pass off as ayoung lady from a social standing with nothing to complain about.Ah, your head starting to ache?I can kinda imagine the face you’re making.Everything’s fine, I’m telling you.You’ve been overcoming worse stuff until now,haven’t you? You’ve also got many allies.Above all, love has already been born there.It’s just a matter of what to do with it. Don’t shrink back.Well, this might not be my line. Haha, I mean,I’m her guardian and employer. My direction’s also one of the reasons why youtwo almost can’t see each other. No, seriously, sorry.About that, I’m thinking of graduallydecreasing her bookings. I truly am. But y’know, Gilbert.She ended up becoming the star of theAuto-Memories Doll world.Even from the viewpoint of an employer likemyself, our signboard Doll is awfully busy. She has so many requests thatthey’ve piled up.I regret it… I haven’t been giving her daysoff too often… I don’t know if it’s because of that, but… to top it off…Hmm, I wonder if it’s okay to write this down.I don’t want you to say a word to her about me telling you this. She probablywouldn’t get angry, but I kinda feel bad about it. Still, if you think about therelationship between you two, there’d be no sincerity in it if she can’t tellyou this.You see. Little Violet has… rather thansaying that she changed a little lately…She’s gotten unstable.The staff configuration of our company ischanging, which… seems to be making her anxious. It’s pretty rare for LittleViolet to look uneasy. She’s generally aloof, though there are times whenshe’ll make a troubled face, but she’s got guts, though she’s really never thisrestless. Because, if she had emotions like that, she wouldn’t have managed tokeep being a girl soldier… so that’s that.Anyway, hum… a while ago, Little Violetcried.A dream was the reason why she cried. She saidshe had a dream. It was about me running a fashion store for whatever reason,and the dream version of me was rejecting Little Violet, saying he wouldn’thire her. Even though she knew it was a dream, she was so, so sad that shecried.See, she’s getting insecure, ain’t she? That’sright. She wasn’t the kind of child who’d cry over something like that.It feels like I’m the one who made her cry‘cause it was something that “I” did, and, aah, my chest’s aching. I thoughtLittle Violet had become a full-fledged girl. But, in the end, she does go backto being a girl soldier in unexpected moments of everyday life.She’s an unsteady child. She has it together,so I tend to forget about this. Indeed, that girl’s one of a kind.I’m sure you’ll be the one who’s gonna be byher side most of the time in her life from now on. Don’t forget that.Most likely, what Little Violet needs issomething certain. That’s not marriage or anything of the sort. Probably notwork, either.I think it’s you.I wrote some embarrassing stuff, huh. Anyway,reply to me as soon as possible. In case you don’t, I shall beat you up with aliquor bottle the next time you come to Leidenschaftlich. I’m the kind of manwho keeps his word. Be ready.—Claudia Hodgins   To Mr. Claudia Hodgins.Are you in good health?There’s a lot I want to say, but first, thanksfor the letter.Hodgins, are you my mother or what? Don’timagine stuff that’s not gonna happen. If you’re gonna imagine anything, thenimagine my face, head on my hands at the contents of your letter, despite beinghappy to have gotten one from you when I opened it.About the things you’re worried over, I’llanswer in order.My return is scheduled to a month from now.However, I can go out if it’s to a nearby town. You probably won’t get to comehere, but if you do, I can make time for you.It’s not like they treat me a leisurely post.The number of retirees from the military has increased, and the number ofpeople who can take command is temporarily decreasing. You’ve once belonged tothis organization, so you can probably understand that there’s actually only afew people who can take action looking at the whole. The North’s military baseitself already has many people inclined to request for retirement. If things cometo a turbulent development, some will waver.The people responsible for this military basehave been committing suicide in sequence. I entered as an audit, but I offeredto stay. I’ll leave out the details, but this is about corruption, love affairsand employing locals. Several things have caused it.From the North’s viewpoint, we’re controllers.We’re not welcome. Living in peace in such lands is difficult for a soldier.Even so, many of them are struggling, taking great pains to serve the localpeople. To top it off, most of the people being transferred here are younglingsand people who were treated as troublemakers. We need someone to take the lead.If it goes on like this, the soldiers left behind here will be miserable.They’re giving continuity to the war that we started in other ways andshouldering the burden.I think the corps need a bit more cleaning fromthe inside. But this will end eventually. I’ll return to Leidenschaftlichbefore long.Don’t worry about Violet. I’m the family head.No matter who I take as bride, I won’t let anyone complain. However, Iunderstand why you’re apprehensive.The wedding ceremony of my sister, Julia, willbe held within a month. It’ll be an union with my colleague, Colonel Laurus. IfViolet happens to be available, I’m thinking about asking her if I can’t takeat least a few hours of her time on that day. Truth is, I don’t want to takeher with me. She’ll probably be treated as a display. I’ve never taken a womanto an official venue. Taking her will have a meaning in itself.My relatives will, of course, see Violet as myfiancée. Rather than creating opportunities for her to meet them numerous timesone by one, I think it’s better to get this done with once and for all. Yousaid the same thing when I dislocated a shoulder during an exercise, didn’tyou? “Do it in one go.”I actually don’t want Violet and I to beaffiliated with anything. I also don’t want to report about her to anywhere oranyone. That’s right, it’d be great if it were just to you. Just you and theEvergarden couple would be enough.It’s unknown whether or not she understands themeaning of marriage, but if I ask her for it, she’ll comply even if she doesn’tget it. That’s the kind of person she is. So it’d just be a formality. If Isaid that’s ridiculous, would it be an insult to the marriage system itself?I want to cherish Violet. My “love” is certain.When we’re alone together, that’s the only time when it’s easy for me tobreathe, from the bottom of my heart. I don’t even have to touch her hand. Ican feel so happy just by her being by my side. This honeymoon phase we’rehaving now makes up for the time that we couldn’t see each other. I’m so, sohappy about it.Would you laugh if I said that I don’t want tocome back to my senses? In our student years, I was amazed whenever you wereall about romance and love or went out with girls, but now I can understand thefeeling.I just want it to be the two of us.Setting up the table and laying the groundworkto induce other people’s comprehension – all of that is a pain in the ass and Ifeel like running away from it sometimes. Because none of them will understandthe truth. Not what Violet and I felt when we reunited. Or what I felt when Iparted ways with Violet. Or how much I love her.I end up being self-aware about the fact thatI’m binding her down again, even though I let her go because I wanted her to befree. That’s what inviting her into my world means.I want to shut off her eyes and ears and avoidanything that might hurt her. I’m such a fool for carrying this in my chestwhen I’m the reason why she gets hurt, aren’t I? But she said that my foolishself was the one for her. She wished for me to be by her side.I’m not trying to justify what I did to her. Ijust want to be someone who won’t betray her forgiveness.As long as we live, we’ll be involved withsomething. I with the military. And she with the world. The two of us goingsomewhere far away on our own is a pipe dream. We actually can’t avoid thehardships. Misfortune comes from here and there, and we can’t guard ourselvesagainst it. All we can do is ready our hearts to face whatever winds may blow.So that we may be able to stay in place when they come at us. I don’t want tojust run away without fulfilling my responsibilities ever again.I think of her as my top priority, so you don’tneed to worry. I’ll fulfill my duties. However, if anything happens in theprocess, I want you to take her side, not mine. Hodgins, I’m counting on you.I apologize here for not getting to see your bigmoment. I’m rooting for you. Wholeheartedly.—Gilbert Bougainvillea   To my beloved brother.Are you doing well, brother?I am very busy every day with the weddingpreparations. Henrietta and Diane said that you might not reply to a normalletter, but we are not at war anymore, so I am writing this putting my hopesinto it.Thank you for properly replying to the weddinginvitation. I was happy that you wrote more than just one word (this one I amwriting as sarcasm).You did not write down the name of youraccompanier, but since this is about you, perhaps it is a school friend? Thatwas what I had thought… but Mr. Laurus told me something. That you might beintending to bring your girlfriend. That you already had decided on someone foryou and were dating her.I heard the reason why you are hiding this fromour family is that she was in the military. Was this a secret? I’m sorry.Please do not blame Mr. Laurus. I behaved like a spoiled child and got him totell me.He loves me, so he ends up spilling everythingno matter what. I really like that about him. I mean, seems like he willcherish me, doesn’t it?From the moment that we are born as children ofthe Bougainvillea family, we women are tools. It might be that everyone issomebody’s tool, though… You are also a tool of the Bougainvillea, and in theend, so is Brother Dietfried, despite him running away. As for me, I’m thesame.I am surely one of your tools. You used me toexpand your military clique, didn’t you? You did, right, Brother?Ah-ah, Brother.Brother, are you hurt? It is the first time Ihave written something like this. Letters are such a mystery.The truth is that this is what I have beenthinking, and these things end up coming to light. I wonder if it was becausethe paper was blank. Since it is blank, I feel the need to fill it up withsomething of my own, so the pen accidentally slips while I write.Brother, I am a bit angry. I do not know aboutBrother Dietfried, but if it is you, you will properly listen to me, right? I ammad. Even though you used me like a pawn, you regret it the moment you succeed.Aren’t you just protecting yourself? You are so terribly smart, yet you seemextremely foolish sometimes. I’m sorry.Brother, you know. I think Mr. Laurus was theright one for me.I am aware that you introduced him to me with manythings in mind. You used me in order to broaden your grounds in the army evenfurther, didn’t you? We Bougainvilleas are in a favorable position, but theglory of our ancestors is not something that will last forever. It is somethingthat the fathers and older brothers have to inherit in succession and build upeach on your own. Yes, yes, that is sound judgement.Regardless, Brother.You cut corners when it came to my marriage,huh? I heard from Mother later that there were proposals for arranged marriagewith other relatives of ours at that same time.Apparently, Mother consulted you for it. Iheard that the ones you selected were people who were looking for replacementfor wives that had run away, people who were in their fourth marriage – onlythese kinds of men. All of them were of a charm akin to that of a hundred rosesand wild flowers compared to Mr. Laurus. But every one of them were rich andsons of families with famous names.If you were to further strengthen theBougainvillea territory, you should have chosen them instead. You are thefamily head, so you could have just told me to do that.But you did not. All you did was go horseriding with Mr. Laurus, my friends and I on your free days. From then on, itseems that inviting me over was Mr. Laurus’s idea and you did not breatheanything to him. Those trifling days were fun, Brother.Mr. Laurus is a wonderful person and I soonfell for him. I am happy that you had a grasp of my preferences.But more than anything, I am happy that youplayed with me even after we grew up. I was so, so happy that I realizedsomething after a few of the many matters regarding the arranged marriage hadprogressed.Brother, you were protecting me, right? I hadan on-going relationship as an excuse to refuse the matchmaking – you must havebeen laying the table for this. But since this is about you, Brother, didn’tyou also have plans of wanting to bring Colonel Laurus into our family whileyou were at it?If so, it is all right. If it is just that.Perhaps you did not think that we wouldactually marry? I did not do this to go along with your thinking or anything.At first, I thought, “My, is Brother attempting to manipulate me? This is whythe Bougainvillea men are no good”, but choosing someone who will treasure youis important, isn’t it?All we, Bougainvilleas, do is keep secrets.We’re like a fake family.Tell me, Brother. You have your own way ofthinking, right? Hiding your lover from our family is surely because of that.The fact you were keeping your relationship a secret while mine was being madepublic must be, yes, because of that too.I did not write this letter because I wanted tocondemn you for this. I wanted us to expose and declare our own thoughts.Brother, the choice I made is the ultimatehappiness in my world. I do not mind if people tell me that I am being swept bythe flow. I just have to say this back to those who tell me that.Brother, what have you been trying to protectby distancing yourself from the Bougainvillea and the main house? You are thechild of a family that has forced you to fight. Make your opponent fight aswell.I will protect her. That girl. This is no lie.I will protect her. If you have in mind that someone is on your side, it willbe easier for you to attend the ceremony, right?I will say it again, Brother. I am angry. Relyon your family more. Thinking back, Brother, you were always an awkward person despitebeing so smart, shouldering anything and everything on your own.Aah, I can say this because it’s in a letter. Iactually cannot bring myself to tell you any of it face-to-face.I could not do anything for you whenever youwere making a salty face due to the family obligations that Brother Dietfriedpushed onto you. I could not do anything for you when you went to war. I couldnot do anything for you when you lost an eye and an arm.I am such a useless sister. I know that. Butnow, I can say this.Brother. I can help you out if you intend toelope with your sweetheart, but if you do not, please leave everything to me.This is a stupid way of thinking, but they saya woman becomes a full-fledged person in society once she gets married. Thenwhat am I now? Half-assed? Are people who cannot marry incomplete? Are theystripped off their status if they cannot bear children, I wonder. If we are notpeople, then what are we? Ghosts?Despite the world being better than in Mother’stime, it is still harsh on women. But I shall make use of that. I will marry.I have obtained the social position andauthority to speak up to people. I will not let anyone mistreat my brother’ssweetheart. I will not allow it. Do bring her over.No matter what kind of person she is, she isthe woman that you have fallen for and that you are hiding almost as if youmean to her up in a treasure box. I, too, will never bruise this jewel.Brother, I am very selfish, arrogant and mightnot have been one of your favorite siblings. However, I will never forget thatyou played a lot with me when we were little. Brother, thank you for being sokind to me, both when we were small and now. I shall pay you back. Make sure tobring her no matter what.With all my heart.—Julia Bougainvillea   To my beloved Julia.Thank you for the letter.I had no idea how to reply, so I miswrotecountless times. I’m sorry for the late response. I was appalled at the fact thatmy younger sister, far apart from me in age, had grown into an adult womanbefore I noticed, and realized that I was conducting myself like a child.What I’m about to write from this point on issomething that everyone will know eventually. You first, Julia.My lover’s name is Violet. Violet Evergarden.She is the adopted daughter of the Evergarden family and currently works at apostal company as an Auto-Memories Doll. There’s quite an age gap between us.Reading up to here, you must have thought, “Whythe ado over that?” Or, “Age and birthplace don’t matter.”This is but one aspect of a given truth. Iwrote down the things that leave a good taste in your mouth.What you’re about to read from now on is surelynot a good thing to you.I met her quite a long time ago and, back then,she was a girl warrior. Brother picked her up from an isolated island.Most likely, she was a girl warrior even beforeshe encountered Brother, and perhaps due to learning how to fight, kill livingthings and kill herself from a young age, her head was filled to the brim withsuch things, so she has no memories of her early childhood. Either that or Ipresume that, surely, they were erased by force.Completely at loss as to how to handle her,Brother handed her over to me. He said she was a weapon. Indeed, she rightfullywas one. A magical weapon that could kill anything on command. You probablythink that’s not possible, but she was a weapon.However, to me, she looked like nothing but agirl ever since we first met.The reason why I took her in was because Ijudged that it was better than leaving her with Brother. After all, he’s acomplicated person and also a scaredy-cat, but still a kindhearted one inawfully roundabout ways. Being together with someone like Violet most likely…rubbed him the wrong way.As you know, I’m a man who obediently acceptshis fate. Once entrusted with her, I swore to myself that I would live as heraccomplice upon deciding to use her.No matter how you think of it, our relationshipis nothing good. We’re user and used. It was probably hard for her to be withme.If any proper ego ever awakens in her one day, I’llmost likely get killed. That’s what I used to think. And there’s nothing I cando about this. Since I couldn’t throw her away and since I made use of her, Ihave no choice but offer my future life as a collateral. Until then, I wantedto educate her as much as possible, so I taught her all sorts of things.Speech, letters, lifestyle, everything.She was very intelligent. At first, yes, thefirst word she ever said to me was “major”. Back then, I was so happy, but alsoso pained and terribly miserable.This misery continued as she grew up. You’ll beshocked when you see her. She’s truly a beautiful person. She’s also aninnocent, merciless, gentle and melancholic person, to an uncanny extent. Andmuch too strong. Even while being the commander of the Special Forces, I’m nomatch for her.It wouldn’t have been weird if she came for myneck whenever. It wouldn’t, but she never did that. She would always look at mewith those blue eyes of hers as if to make sure of something and say, “Pleasegive me an order.”For her, receiving orders, accomplishing themand being praised for it was self-affirmation. That was how the adults – how I raised her. In this uniqueenvironment, we nurtured a relationship between just the two of us, whichprobably only we could understand.My love for her increased just the way thatsnow piles up. At the same time, my guilt increased as well.I had never seriously loved anyone so much.My betrothed tumbled over to me due to therevocation of her engagement with Brother, but I have no idea where she even isnow. The people that Mother tried to set me up with were all individuals that Ihad to deal with by being careful around. Even during my student days or afterI became a soldier, my heart never moved much in that direction.You called yourself a tool. I, too, am a tool,and I feel like all I had been doing in my life was fumbling around for what Ishould do for the Bougainvilleas’ sake, as well as what I should do for myfather, brother, mother and you girls to acknowledge me as a man of thishousehold. That’s why her unconditional acceptance worked as a slow-actingpoison for me.I loved her, who would be looking at me wheneverI turned around in the battlefield. And she would be looking at my back in thebattlefield, as if yearning for it.I think her feelings for me were attachment andmine were love. Recently, she confessed to me that it was love, but I’m sureI’m the one who displayed love in an easier way to understand.On top of making an orphan into my subordinateas a child soldier, I fell in love with her. Writing this in words makes merealize how cruel a person I am.Letters and words are sincere and truthful.I’ll have to swear something here: I haven’tlaid a single hand on her, both now and in the past. That doesn’t mean this isallowed, but I wanted to write it down.She was flabbergasted when I confessed my loveto her. She didn’t know love, because she had never been loved and no one hadever told her they loved her.I was… ashamed of myself even before that fornot teaching her what “beautiful” meant. But at that moment, I was truly so, soembarrassed and so sad.What a fool I am, I thought.I had neglected to convey my love to the personI was in love with. I was ashamed of that.Until that moment, I had plenty of time togrant this to her. I had always had it. If I could have mustered some courage, I’msure I would’ve been able to say it anytime. I don’t know if she would haveaccepted it, but she would definitely have given me an answer in her own way. ButI didn’t do it. I also warned her against deviating from oursuperior-subordinate relationship.I had this kind of period. A period in which Idid things to her that should never, ever be forgiven.After the war, I dared to push her away andleave her. But in the end, I couldn’t hold back when she was in danger and endedup revealing myself to her. Once we reunited, I apologized for my irreparablepast and begged for her love. She’s… She’s an odd person herself, so she hadbeen looking for me and kept loving me. Now, we’ve finally become just Gilbertand Violet, and we’re satisfied with that.My story with her ends here. Nowadays, we’reliving what’s beyond that story.What a warped relationship – is that what youthought? Mother will surely not allow it. She’ll probably put the blame on oneof us, and since I’ll take Violet’s side to protect her, I had imagined thatthe women of the Bougainvillea house would become our enemies. Still, you toldme, “Do not run away. Fight. You were born as a child of this kind of family.Bring her over.”Being a Bougainvillea is both shackles andpride for me.I have no idea if you’ll stay with the samefeelings you had once you read this. If you now want to keep me out of thewedding ceremony, it’s okay to do so. But I’ll be grateful for my entire lifethat you made every effort for me. With my whole heart.—Gilbert Bougainvillea   To Mr. Gilbert Bougainvillea.If only I could go from a southern to a westerncountry in the blink of an eye. I spend the long early-autumn nights in thissort of reverie every single day.Major, have you not caught any colds? Is therenothing amiss?For whatever reason, when we spend a long timewithout seeing each other, several things start to lose their sense of realityto me. Our letter exchange is my support amidst this.There were even longer periods where we couldnot see each other. Even so, time feels prolonged for me, just as the long,long while that I was actually separated from you, back when I became anAuto-Memories Doll.I have not been functioning well lately.Ever since we have started holding hands forpractice, I began to bear such weaknesses. Last week, too, I talked toPresident Hodgins about a dream I had… I will refrain from giving details,but I myself felt that I had become extremely weak. It mightbe because my training is not enough in comparison to my military days. I wasso, so happy that you had returned to me…I have – yes – I have become a human being.Surely, you thought this just now was strange,did you not? I cannot tell you this directly, so please forgive me forconfessing it through a letter in this fashion. Please forgive me forconfessing that I am not worthy of you even though you are inviting me to yourhonorable sister’s wedding.Being a tool is the right thing for me evennow, so being treated as a human feels vague, like a dream. The fact that youtold me you love me and that you treat me as a lover exist within me assomething certain whenever we see each other, but once we are apart, it feelslike a picture-book story that I read somewhere.Until now, I had been dealing with it bytelling myself that this is just how it is, but lately, as I have grown weaker– no, as I have malfunctioned, I become confused whenever I think of myself asa human. There is a whisper in my head that says, “But you’re supposed to be atool.”I am writing such strange things. Surely, it isdifficult for you to understand them.During the days I spend thinking about you,there are times when my heart can grow so calm, but also times when I becomeunstable, as if I had taken some sort of damage. I am always asking myself whyyou chose a defective product such as me to be your lover.However, I already received an answer to thisin words. Therefore, the fact that my heart – yes, I realize that I, too, havea heart – has been thrown into disorder like this is, in itself, somethingstrange.Still, I find myself thinking over and overabout the same thing, repeatedly, and end up at loss amidst waves of unease andjoy. Until just a while ago, I was simply happy. It was just that, and yet,many things are now…“Terrifying”. Yes, they feel terrifying to me.I have gone through much scarier things. In thebattlefields – yes, many. Back then, I did not feel fear. Even though suchthings happened, this change, my unstable self, the threshold between wildbeast and human being – these alone are helplessly… dreadful. Even though Iknow first-hand that there are several, far more frightening things out therein the world.Why something like this? Why am I afraid ofsuch a thing?My chest hurts, Major. It feels as if I amstabbing myself.Nobody attacks me anymore. No one acts violentwith me. I, too, will not kill anyone. I cannot be evaluated for it anymore.I am living in safety, without anything tofear, and yet… No, I was not so fragile even in times of danger. This isbecause my emotions have increased. My emotions.I am attacking myself with my emotions. I aminjuring myself.Is everyone like this? Is everyone else alsoswayed by their own feelings and spend their nights unable to sleep? Recallingmemories of the person they love, as if clinging to them? Remembering theirpast and being dumbfounded upon counting their sins and shames? Do they attackthemselves?My being strong was proof of my existence. Evenif it is not now, it was in the past.Being strong is important. To me, at least. Iwant it back.This is not “me”.That is what I think, but on the other hand, Idon’t want to lose these emotions that are overflowing non-stop right now.These two feelings are in conflict. After all, this is a new me, born from yourlove.I want to go back, I don’t want to go back, Iwant to go back, I don’t want to go back. These two clash and clash.I am awfully exhausted, which affects my eyes.And so, I end up crying.I wonder, why do we shed tears, Major? They areunnecessary. Needless. Meaningless things. They make me act like a wild beastof whittled spirit. Turn me into a blade that’s no longer sharpened.Major, I had never cried much. I was not madethis way. Wild beasts should not cry.What an outrageous thing becoming human is. Ihad never given this any thought when I was a tool. That people, human beings,are living creatures who chase after a thing called happiness. The version ofme who used to think of this almost as if I were watching it through a lookingglass – where did she go?You took your time to love me. This made meinto a person. Into a girl. Into a “version of me” who is loved. I was supposedto be helplessly happy about this. Yet I am tasting a sensation as though theground had come apart.Will you show someone like me to your family? Imight commit a mistake. I have prosthetic arms; will they not scare yourrelatives? Do they know I used to be a soldier? Will it not be more reassuringto you if you arranged a substitute instead of me? I… I… Am I…Am I not an embarrassment?Major, am I not an embarrassment to you? I findmyself embarrassing. I finally understood this lately. I am.Regardless, Major, it’s so difficult to let goof your hand. Even if everything were stolen away from me, you’re all I’d want.I want you. I want only you. I’m so fond of you. All this time, all this time,only you. Truly, all along, only you. Ever since the first time you embracedme, it has always been like this.I am in love with you.Major, I had not been properly conveying thisin words. Even though you had said this to me so earnestly countless times.If I say it, it’ll be taken away from me. I’llbe shot down and die. That’s what I felt, so I couldn’t muster the words out ofmy body.I was protecting it. Protecting my “I loveyou”. But now, even just protecting it is hard for me, Major.I am in love. I am in love with you. I long foryou. It overflows, non-stop.Since long ago, way before you told me that youloved me. I had been in love with you. I did not understand any sort ofemotion, but I was in love with you.If you were to disappear from my world, I trulywanted to disappear as well. I stopped from doing that because you ordered meto live. I had to cling to your words. If I didn’t chase after your back, Icouldn’t even stand up.Major, I am a defective product. How great itwould be if I were a more suitable girl.I do not deem the way I was born and raised asembarrassing. Still, whenever I come across you, I instantly feel ashamed.Because you’re light itself to me. You’re lightand I am complete darkness.When you’re in front of me, I go back to beingthe wild beast that used to do nothing but chase after you as if yearning foryou.Major, please, I beg of you. Please order me toact right. Please rebuke me harshly and tell me not to falter. If you do so, Iwill surely be able to take the desired conduct.When I am ordered to do something, I becomecapable of it. That is the only thing at which I specialize. If I think of itas an order, I can erase my feelings and do anything. If it is of use for yourlife, then yes, I can do anything.I do not mind if you only do it when necessary.Please turn me back into a doll. Please turn me back into a tool.Please do not think of this as painful. Pleaseacknowledge my terribly inept way of living. If you do, I will surely manage togo through it without embarrassing you.I don’t want you to hate me. I want to keepchasing after your back forever. Please let me be by your side. I will make anyeffort if it’s for that sake. Please make good use of me.So, I beg you. This is a request. When we meetat your sister’s wedding, please give me an order. Tell me to behave as worthyof the Bougainvillea. Surely, if you say this, I will be able to do anything.Major, I express here my adoration for you.—Violet Evergarden   To Ms. Violet Evergarden.Violet, by the moment you read this note, I’llbe heading to Leidenschaftlich. We need to talk. I want to see you and tell youthat everything you’re worrying about and fretting over are groundless fears.When you suffer by my own convenience, it makesme suffer too. So much that I can’t even breathe.I’ll visit the Evergarden estate on my day off.Let’s have a conversation and then let’s also tell the Evergardens what we willdo from now on. I hope there were no changes to the itinerary that you informedme before.Anyway, I’m off to see you. Don’t worry. Havetrust in me.With my whole heart.—Gilbert Bougainvillea   To Ms. Violet Evergarden.How are you doing right now?I’m so sorry that we ended up passing eachother. I also deeply apologize for bewildering the Evergarden couple with mysudden visit.You’re in the West now, right? The job of anAuto-Memories Doll is a handful. To think you’d go so far.I forced my circumstances to come here, so Iresent that I have to immediately go back like this. I should have left somesort of message or letter behind. I wound up refraining from it since the otherparty was the Evergardens.Anyhow, I promise you have nothing to worryabout. I want to tell you this directly and in good faith.Don’t forget that I love you. There hasn’t beena single time that I thought of you as embarrassing. The one I bear thisfeeling towards is mainly myself.I’d be happy if you gave me an answer, even ifit’s a short one.With my whole heart.—Gilbert Bougainvillea   To Ms. Violet Evergarden.Are you doing well? I’m sure every day is busyfor you, enough that the days are over in a blink of eye.I’m sorry for sending so many letters. However,I’m so concerned as to whether or not my last one put an end to yourmisunderstanding that I can’t help myself.I had never acted out in order to reassure youuntil now. I understand that this makes you distressed. I made you feel uncertain.Even though I’ve already saddened you so muchuntil now, I have saddened you again to the point of making you write thatletter, and I’m so sorry about this that I can’t handle it. You’re myeverything, and yet…Violet, I love you. I want you to believe thatI love you. Please, I want you to try to believe in that.Do I seem pathetic writing such a thing in aletter? I feel that I’ve always been like this in front of you. I’ve alsoshowed you my crying face countless times. Even though I’m much more of agrown-up than you are.When I’m with you, I end up forgetting what Iam and conducting myself like that. But you don’t say I’m embarrassing, do you?Same for me, Violet.The reason why I love you is that you’re you.This won’t ever change.Do you remember that I told you I loved youmost? You’re the one I one I love the most. Nobody else. It’s not that I won’tfind anyone else, I can’t. Because you’re the one I love most.If your answer is silence, I will accept thattoo. It’s fine as long as you give me a reply, so I want you to come see me.Even if it’s just one word, I’d be happy to get an answer.So you wrote your letters with these kinds offeelings while we were apart, huh. I want to apologize to you for that all overagain.I’ll say it as many times as it takes. I loveyou, Violet. Wholeheartedly.—Gilbert Bougainvillea An iron horse rushed amidst thenightly darkness. It cut through the quiet night. Its popular name was FemmeFatale. It had once been hidden in lieu of a hijacking incident, but its shinewas back and it now carried several people while showing them dreams.In one of its private rooms, a manlay on the bed of what corresponded to a first-class guest bedroom, doingnothing but read a letter, not entrusting his body to sleep at the FemmeFatale’s irregular swaying.After reading the letter, Gilbertonce laid it on the desk but then opened it again. He checked what was writtenin it countless times. He had been doing this on repeat ever since he hadhopped into this train. He would open the letter, take in the feelings writtenon the paper and then—and then…He was deep in thought as to whereshe was and what she would be doing now, all while in so much pain. What wouldit be of them from now on?He was currently attempting to doall he could in order not to lose his only love. He was going to see her, nomatter where she was, no matter what means he had to use.“Violet.”The night went on. It mercilesslyleft behind the people who could not get a single wink of sleep.Neither time nor life would stop foranyone. The now would soon become the past and the past would pierce throughthe present, and no one knew if the future could prevent that. If there wasonly one thing he could know for certain, it was the existence of the lettercurrently hurting his heart.It could be said that a letter was atruth – a heart – sealed in an envelope. Words that one could never say infront of the other person were easily born in letters. Getting hurt anddisplaying love was just so simple, precisely because the other party was notin sight. That was why it had a more lethal effect and caused more loneliness.What could be felt from the smell of paper and ink, as well as the strings ofcharacters left there, was “absence”. And also the “time” that the other hadspent for your sake. The more one missed the other, the lonelier they would beat the fact that only their feelings had been delivered. However, even if itwere just their feelings, they wanted to deliver it. That was why people tooktheir pens in hand and wrote down:“Dear you whom I love.” -- source link
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