astrolocherry:Saturn in the 12th House - A Haunted Mind The inner self, violent waves of emotion, a
astrolocherry:Saturn in the 12th House - A Haunted Mind The inner self, violent waves of emotion, and the unknown depths inside can feel like they belong to somebody else with Saturn in the 12th. There can be trepidation diving into the internal world, it can represent a daunting and unknown part of herself in a dark and murky sea. She may prefer to reside on the shore bank, paralysed by the fear of drowning in a mysterious black hole and submitting herself to madness, permanent exile, or helplessness. This aversion to relinquishing to the inner experience and allowing the water flow only distances her further from herself and her true, ultimate longing and desire. Conscious or unconscious, there is a powerful ache and empty space for the personal love and reunion with the divine father. The individual may have suffered some form of literal or figural abandonment, loss, or trauma with the father. She may have lost many years of the relationship due to alcohol or substance use, illness, confinement, or instability. There may be no traceable identity, or there may have been harsh emotional coldness and lack of empathy. This sense of loss opened a desolate void inside that howls to crawl into all-embracing arms of nurturing, acceptance, and protection of the father. It’s very possible to re-enact this relationship with the God the Father, the divine source inside. This is the place that she desperately longs to be, but this is on the island surrounded by deep water in the channel she would rather not cross. When she willingly submits the alchemist transmutes a sea-bound carriage just for her on the shore, steered by the compass of magic, rocking to a tidal lullaby and calling her with seductive saccharine song. Compassion can be an undeveloped or overdeveloped trait with Saturn in the 12th. There is a vividly empathic response to any form of collective or personal suffering and emotional activity in circulation. The display of compassion, emotionalism, and sensitivity can be quite overt and almost disproportionate to the situation. On the other hand, the individual may also occlude and internalise this heaviness and a convey detachment or unresponsiveness that puzzles company. It can generate exhaustive self-sacrifice out of obligation, responsibility, or compensation for lack of response. It’s also very possible for the individual to activate both of these qualities. She can see-saw between highly stimulated internal activity where she is devoured by emotions, receptivity, and unseen forces and descend into an emotional coma, numb and dead inside. The imagination can take hostage with ideals that crash against anxiety in a hurricane, and then the capacity for fantasy and mental imagery can atrophy itself. This hostility creates a greater urgency to escape from herself and separate from her authentic experiences. It’s possible that solitude is a haunting and vulnerable experience where she is confronted with the unknown cavern that she avoids at all costs. On the other hand, alone can be a very comfortable and safe place due to the trauma of rejection and exile. She can feel that she is too raw and ill equipped to acknowledge what she truly feels, senses, and has potential for doing. It can spill into her professional life and relationships. She may feel to fragile or unready for the world, unable to materialise her creativity and resources into reality, and repeat the circumstances of her earliest relationships through present partners. There can be a lack of self and emotional awareness and shame associated with satisfying emotional needs, being dependant, and the various lovers she invites inside out of desperation and lacking a sense of existence. Sleep is vital with Saturn in the 12th, but it may not be a dreamy time. She may go through periods of sleeplessness followed by inability to wake, disturbed sleep, repetitive dreams and nightmares, sleep paralysis, or even self-induced sleep deprivation. The obstacles are invisible with Saturn in the 12th, as with her battle armour and prizes for triumph. The individual may find it challenging to acquire the suitable support networks or assistance from people, they may find it difficult to understand her problem and have uncertainty about how to help. She is forced to be self-sufficient during her most delicate and raw moments, and she may reflect and wonder how she made it out of these alive. Her achievements are unseen, but they are not unnoticed. There are some people who mark success with fame, fortune, or role. But success for Saturn in the 12th is written on sacred sand, beyond the atrophy of prying eyes. Inner battles she has fought and won, wounding moods and anxieties, moving through life despite feeling incomplete or lacking substance, a secret contract between the master and the student. The ghosts that haunt her are her lost selves, her wounded inner child, and her self-critique and condemnation. The empty space is also the reservoir that collects psychic energy and contaminants from her company. It can be too static, energetic, or confusing to comprehend until she is seclusive and still. Solitude provides the personal time with God to reflect, rationalise, and integrate the large volume of intuitive material that search and find her. When she does not go alone, her mind and body become paralysed, heavy, too exhausted to sleep. Her body is her captor, but its also her temple of worship. It’s a vessel that contains inherited centuries old healing recipes, the service of angels, collective wisdom, the sacred crone’s analgesia and miracle restorative elixir. The deeper inside she goes, the higher she rises and surrenders. The exit from captivity is through the entrance, submitting everything but faith to enter the darkness and swim beneath the waterfall that paints her golden mermaid tail. -C.art: Xue Wang -- source link