My heart has been broken in multiple facets of my life over the past year. The word pain doesn’t do
My heart has been broken in multiple facets of my life over the past year. The word pain doesn’t do the feeling of my true broken heart justice. Through these breaks I’ve learned a pattern about me when it comes to this vulnerability: I have always felt that I’ve had to wear a mask of strength in times of weakness telling myself I’m okay when I haven’t been. One of my most recent heartbreaks came this weekend when I returned home after visiting a friend out-of-state for a couple days. As soon as I parked my car, I went to check on my sunflowers in the garden as I often do to see if they needed some water, love, or if they were flourishing on their own. I quickly realized that the person who was hired to mow the lawn this weekend had unknowingly mowed over the garden as well, and all 12 of my babies were gone. I instantly started sobbing and… really didn’t stop until the next day. Through this serious experience of grief, I ultimately knew there was a lesson to be grateful for…somewhere and somehow. Perhaps this was the beauty of non-attachment, as I had an expectation for my flowers to bloom but that wasn’t their realities. Perhaps this is what loving and letting go means. Perhaps I needed this to catalyst an even deeper sense of grief that had been growing in me from the times my heart had been broken this year where I didn’t allow myself to fully feel the pain because I was too busy masking it. I have put myself out there more this past year than at any point in my life combined. With that has come more heartbreak than I’ve ever experienced. The beauty I can find in this sadness has been learning how to love my heart and my self back to healing with that which serves me, releasing the rest. A few things that serve me are giving myself patience, understanding, acceptance, honesty, and honor. I am learning that to love myself best means to recognize and speak my truth, especially in the moments when I feel the most vulnerable to do so. Perhaps these flowers stood for those limiting feelings like expectation, judgement and attachment that have held me back from being able to fully bloom. Whatever it is, I hope with their release they rest peacefully. -- source link