Here’s some major truth. My entire life I’ve held myself to incredible standards. Standards that wer
Here’s some major truth. My entire life I’ve held myself to incredible standards. Standards that weren’t attainable because they aligned with perfection, and perfection doesn’t exist. I thought I needed everything in my life to be perfect before I could be happy, worthy, or loveable. It started with my appearance. I blamed so much of my negativities on my body growing up, and the lack i felt i deserved because of it being fat which to me meant gross, weird, and not right or normal. I began exploring this, and realized despite how my body looks, I am worthy of being confident, successful, happy and loveable. So then it was time to go deeper. It was time to peel another layer of my self-love onion. When I moved home to Maine last August, I knew I had work to do within my healing however I never could have guessed the journey I would go on, and how damn tough it would be. I started uncovering some of the deepest pains within me and I began to realize that as I went deeper, my self-love stopped and stayed at that surface layer where I had finally accepted my physical appearance. What about my self-worth past that? What about the parts of me that were broken, dark and so damn ugly that I didn’t want to go near them because I hated them and I hated those parts of me? I realized that self-love was missing, because deep down, I still found pools of hatred and anger. Facing this darkness has been the absolute hardest journey of my life thus far. It has hurt. It has stripped me. It has made me say things to people that maybe I shouldn’t have. It has kept me from saying things I probably should have. It has forced me to experience the realities of my biggest fears. It has left me in absolute shambles where breathing didn’t feel possible anymore. It has made me feel unrecognizable when I’d look in the mirror. I’m still healing. I’m growing. I’m learning something everyday. And I’m facing what true self love means, and what love is and is capable of doing. I am sick of feeling drawn to social media when I am having better days. My life has been the most beautiful shade of ugly and distorted over the past almost year since I’ve moved back home. And I’m still worthy. I’m sick of perfectionism constantly holding me back. I’m not perfect. I have been in pain. A LOT of pain. I am facing that pain, so I can heal that pain, and stand in the power that is true to my soul. There is so much beauty in that pain. I am not hiding anymore. Some days I hurt. Some days I feel better. All days I try to stay hopeful. I truly believe in the power of transformation true love can have. I just need to get there within myself, and I believe that I am, whether I have to crawl, baby step, tip toe, or drag myself through the mud to arrive. I feel the ugliest parts of me are still worthy of love. -- source link
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