aroworlds:thatmrgold:CAN ALLO ACES FUCKING STOP WITH THIS??? This is EXACTLY WHY ARO ACES are thinki

aroworlds:thatmrgold:CAN ALLO ACES FUCKING STOP WITH THIS ??? This is EXACTLY WHY ARO ACES are thinking of BEING DONE WITH THE TERM ACE !! I’m just SO god !!! You all make me want to hurt myself ! @aroworlds @arokaladin help me calm downThe autistic in me finds calmness by taking something and pulling it to bits, so let me examine the utter ridiculousness on display here. I’ve been pondering the idea that representation of aro-aces (and non-SAM-using aces) is often seen by allo-aces as an act of ace antagonism if it stands for ace generally, as this was the undercurrent of that recent anon ask. Unless there’s an explanation that asexuality also (often with excessive reassurances) includes alloromantic aces, allo-aces leap in with their “but that isn’t asexuality! We’re not aromantic! We still fall in love!” comments. Why do they so fear being mistaken for aro?This post exemplifies it and then some, because non-amorous aro-aces aren’t allowed to represent asexuality as a whole (in a pride art piece with very limited/simplistic scope for nuance) without allo-aces insisting that aces can fall in (romantic) love. The interesting thing is that aces who experience romantic attraction are still represented in the pride content for those identities, too–there’s nothing saying that “lesbian” above means only “allo-allo lesbian”. Aro-aces (especially non-amorous aro-aces) wouldn’t be represented at all under the asexuality banner if a couple were shown in the image. Except in the case of heteroromantic aces, they’re asking here for twice the representation at the expense of aro-aces, especially non-amorous aro-aces.I haven’t seen this mentioned, so I think it’s worth emphasising: they’re (unless heteroromantic ace) asking for twice the representation and the dismissal of aro-aces at the same time!In a way, alloromantic aces are themselves suggesting that their romantic attractions are less valid, because they want their romantic attractions depicted under the asexual banner instead of finding connection with the allo-allo lesbian/gay/pan/ply/bi/diamoric (etc) communities on this axis of attraction. Not only is the aro erasure flagrant in the sense that ace pride is explicitly not allowed to represent aro-aces as said above, they’re suggesting that the lesbian, gay, bi and pan pride above also doesn’t represent alloromantic ace relationships. Is it an internalisation of the discourse over the last few years combined with growing aro antagonism, resulting in a particularly toxic mess?I know this sounds frustrating, but this ridiculousness is not worth your self-harm. When I look at the above, I see absurdity and entitlement. I see a toddler complaining because they’re not centred in a single pride art post–a toddler’s online tantrum. Unfortunately, this tantrum reinforces aro-ace erasure and amatonormativity, but it still is a tantrum. Seriously, who goes and wails like this in response to not being centred in a single pride post? At least half the pride art posts I’ve seen don’t include aromantic pride at all, and it wasn’t like asexuality was forgotten, here! It was just presented in a way that, gasp, centres aro-aces! The horror, right?(Have I seen aros throw a tantrum like this in response to our constant erasure from pride art? Hell, no.)I don’t know if you’re following @zemathememequeen, but this is where I think memes are important, in turning erasure, amatonormativity and pain into humour. You may not be able to do this today, but at some point I’d scroll through her blog and just look and laugh a bit at how prevalent this is, how absurd this all is that she can make it into memes. Likewise, spend some time on aro blogs, just to reassure yourself that people are addressing this, because we are. It’s not a lot to hold onto, but it’s better than nothing.For today, basic self-care–you’ll know better than I what works for you. Music or books or TV that makes you happy (not TV that makes you frustrated because your favourite character is seen as alloromantic by writers and fandom). Media that’s low in romance is often best for this sort of distraction, and I often turn to children’s books when I need this. (Tamora Pierce’s The Circle of Magic fantasy series is about four ten-year-olds with zero romance amongst the protagonists and very little of it shown between the adult characters–the only two characters in a romantic relationship are in a well-established one with very little focus on their romantic interactions–and they’re my “comfort” books.) If you craft or make art or write, do those things, because redirecting emotion into any act of creation is a powerful and empowering thing. If you need the pain, I usually turn to pressure-causing stim toys like massage balls that give pressure and sharper sensations without causing harm, but again you’ll know better what works for you. Just take yourself away, as much as you can, from the anger by giving yourself something else to feel and think about.Again, this is a toddler having a tantrum online about the world not centering their specific shape of asexuality. That’s all it is.By the way, does anyone with time and graphic design skills want to start an aro-erasure-from-alloromantic-aces bingo sheet? Because that’s how ridiculous the above is, and, honestly, I think that’s how we should start responding to erasure, by checking off our bingo sheets… -- source link

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