buggybeejourney:How do we fit? DISCLAIMER: In this piece, I refer to the submissive as female and
buggybeejourney: How do we fit? DISCLAIMER: In this piece, I refer to the submissive as female and the Dominant as male, simply because that is my life. Of course, both male and female can be either submissive, Dominant, or even both (known as a ‘switch’). Today, I am touching on the subject of compatibility in a D/s relationship. We, in this lifestyle, should be acquainted with the varying roles we play in BDSM. Namely there is a Dominant/Master/Mistress/Dominatrix… a top. Then there is a submissive/slave… a bottom. Then we also have those who switch between roles… commonly referred as a switch. There are many variants of tops and bottoms (sir, master, daddy, sub, slave, little, etc). Every relationship is unique but embraces the whole D/s dynamic (that is Dominance/submission). Some people are a combination of many variations, you could have a submissive whom is subservient, but also a little… it takes a certain top to suit her… a sadist may not be best suited to her, unless she also has masochistic tendencies… It is down to compatibility. When I say a ‘role’ we play, I don’t mean as in a game. I mean that it is who we are in the relationship, much the same as a wife, husband, son, daughter, etc… Whilst role-playing in a relationship is fun, I am talking of the reality as to whom we are and what we do and what we contribute in our own relations. Be it a coupling, a ménage, or simply a platonic rapport. There is so much out there about how to find a Dom, or a sub; how to find a play buddy but when it comes down to it, is there much advice or education given in finding the one that is compatible to you? How do you know who is right and who isn’t? How can you find your ‘suitor’ to enable you to embrace this journey to the very most in its offering? The simply answer… you can’t, well… not just like that! This would really be like saying “oh yes, go to that shop, they will have those shoes you like in your size”… this may be the case, however, you have to do your homework first before you can say for definite that the perfect shoes will be there when you arrive to purchase them. No? Yes. This is my belief. I am not saying that you need to go out shopping for your Dominant. Well, isn’t that just a giggle… how fun would that be, though right???? "Hang on, I need to make room on my Visa card first… ooops! what’s my pin number again???“ Giggles… no… what I am saying is that you can’t expect to find your perfect Dominant, any more than a vanilla lass can expect to find her perfect lad, at the first shop. Some people have, mind you, and they are blessed in their fortune. But we are not all lathered in four leaved clovers or Irish luck. You have to work to find what is to be yours and yours truly. It takes being open, being willing to get out there, being brave to weather the storm and then, out of nowhere, when you least expect it, your perfect partner shall emerge. Maybe I am being a silly romantic, but I do believe we all have soul mates. I believe in the magic of love, partnerships, and the connection. I believe that the is someone out there for each of us. I believe in destiny and fate. I believe that once you find that one (or two in some cases *grin*), you just know. You just fit and it’s just right. The jigsaw falls into place, interlocking all sides perfectly and whilst the road may be bumpy at times, I believe that once you are in the arms of your destined partner, nothing can stretch you apart to breaking. I believe this. I truly do. Yes, I can imagine you all rolling eyes at my wonder or naivety… but I do believe this. I sincerely do. When you connect with someone, either close by or at a distance, there is an amalgamation of minds, bodies and spirits which connect so deeply within you that you just know. You just know. That’s it. Simple. It just fits. Sadly, sometimes we just don’t see it. We may be blinded by circumstances or our environment, but I do believe that we have a perfect match, just there if we can only see it. So, how does this fare in a relationship governed and breathed by BDSM? I believe in BDSM, the compatible partnering is more transparent. In this lifestyle, we MUST have utter honesty with our partners… we must have utter trust, confidence and reliability. In this lifestyle, feelings are more authentic… more raw, more passionate and it boils down to the offering of a safe environment to enable us to shed our daily masks and offer the deepest, innermost core parts of our being to our Dominant/submissive. It allows us to be vulnerable. I think in BDSM, as all the formalities and niceties are shredded instantaneously, it demands the very core of us. It is from this truth and vulnerability that I believe that we cant find our compatible partner. So, a Sadist could find his prized masochist, a Master his slave, a Daddy his little… For me, as a submissive woman… actually I will rephrase… For me, as a highly volatile and emotional submissive woman, I want to feel his power, his aggression, his control, demand, command, his protection, his territory, his marks, his possession, his invasion, his wanton desire, his lust and need… Yes, I want the classic cave man (rolls eyes at you sniggering monsters!!!).. and why should I not want all of this? I want to feel loved, cherished, adored, possessed but at the same time, I want to have structure, discipline and I want to feel that there will be consequences when I slip. I want sturdiness, reliability, continuity, consistency, rage, fire, ashes, thunder, all of it!!! I want it all! Yes, I can be bratty and I will push boundaries, but strength and consistency is what I need. I want all the above, but mostly, I need it all. I need a man who will cuddle me in my glory, shelter me in my struggles, laugh with me in my silliness, cry with me in my hurt; I want a man who will possess me in his jealously, reel me in his rage, use me in his lust, reward me for my obedience, and punish me in my failings… I want it all. In return, he gets all of me… no less… he gets everything of me. I don’t care for snazzy cars, or houses, or holidays, hell, I’d be happier living in a shed off a beach than a mansion in the city… My treasure is my soul, and this is what I offer and what I seek in return, nothing more, nothing less. We must fit by not only complimenting each other’s personalities and abilities, but also by being able to run alongside each other when in agreement, but then being able to find a truce when not in agreement. Should your soul mate not be somewhat opposite to you? If you had two people with the exact same make up, where is the conflict? Where is the daily grind? Where is the force to make you work with each other to relish in your relationship? Where is the test to make you stronger? Where is the fun in having steak everyday for the rest of your lives because you both love it? Would it not be better if one had steak and the other fish? Variety is the spice of life, and I think this is important in a relationship. In so much so, I believe my soul mate to be not the exact opposite of me, but to a degree where we have differences that actually make one beautiful jigsaw puzzle… Urgh, I really am rambling, aren’t I? This is what happens when you are a non-structured writer. I just write what I feel there and then in the moment… no pre-planning, no organisation and no structure, but hey! I like this about me just fine, so I shall continue… I believe, in BDSM, we shall find our perfect partner by firstly, being honest with ourselves as to who we are and what we want. And then by being honest to your potential partner as to what you are looking for. Yes, being submissive does mean that our utmost desire is to please our Dominant, however, we do not and should never just please ANY dominant. We serve who deserves our submission, but this is where you need to dig deep and follow your heart. Be selfish in your choice and be patient if your ideal is not present at that given moment in time. If you are a pain slut, wait and keep looking for your perfect Sadist… If you’re a Daddy Dominant, be patient for your perfect little to turn up… If you’re a bedroom submissive, keep looking for your bedroom Dominant… While you are searching for your perfect matching, you can still experiment and have fun… you can still learn, educate and develop yourself. If you don’t mingle, how do you know that your compatible partner is not standing just right there? You have to be courageous and brave, take that first step and you never know!!! He / she may be JUST RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU…. How do we find our perfect fit if we don’t take out the measuring tape? My thoughts…. - Written by: Buggy Bee (02 September 2014). © COPYRIGHT by Buggy Bee. All rights reserved. Image source: unknown. Lovely. A great read. -- source link
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