ultrafacts:Source [x]Click HERE for more factsThis, folks, is pretty much a truth.If you genuinely l

ultrafacts:Source [x]Click HERE for more factsThis, folks, is pretty much a truth.If you genuinely love your partner, you’ll be thinking about being happy with each other. You’ll be thinking about how your lives will be best lived together.  Not just in the now and the days immediately to come, but you’ll be considering things like your financial picture well into the future.If you’re in love with the idea of love and having your “special day”…you’re going to splurge. You’ll want as many people as possible to see your “moment of happiness”…but there won’t be much emphasis put on the actual relationship…and by that, I mean the building blocks, the foundation, the hard work of a relationship. Actually getting to know each other’s bad sides as well as good sides, etc, etc.The most commonly used marriage vows in Western weddings include the lines “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.”  The thing is, most people who rush into marriage while riding the high of being ‘in love’, the types who focus so much on the wedding details that they don’t bother with the marriage details… don’t necessarily consider in any real depth how they’ll handle the ups & downs of life together.Clinging to the belief that “the perfect wedding ceremony = the perfect marriage!” is a huge warning sign to yourself that maybe you’re not ready to actually be married.  Weddings last anywhere from a couple hours to a couple days (varying by culture & the size of the wedding plans).  But marriage…that is something that is supposed to last years and decades.Marriage is supposed* to be all about creating a life together with someone whom you’re hoping will always be there for you as those years and decades roll along. (*That is, these days; do NOT drag up past “ownership” BS right now, because that’s not the modern day expectation. We’re talking modern day expectations.) By going through a wedding ceremony, getting a marriage certificate, it’s giving you and your partner legal protections to ensure you can be by each other’s sides in the years and decades to come.We know this legal protection is vital, because far too many people have been shut out of medical decisions, childcare decisions, estate decisions, inheritance decisions, legal decisions and more just because they weren’t married.  Gay Marriage is just the most visible portion of the fight for Partner Rights For All, in recent years.  There have been people who lived together for decades who never got the same rights and privileges of marriage as most others.Being together, supporting each other, caring for each other, those are what a relationship should focus on.Big fancy weddings are ZERO guarantee of a Happily Ever After.(If you can’t trust a healthy-relationship-writing romance author like me on this, then I suggest you go read some of the healthy relationship articles over at Scarleteen, because they’re awesome with the advice stuff on this topic.)Anyway, long story short…yeah, the bigger & splurge-ier the wedding…the more likely that marriage will fail.  If you put that much time & attention into the ceremony…how much time & energy do you have left to put into the actual relationship?…This is why I try to write healthy relationships in my romances, rather than focus on splurgy fantabulous weddings.  I want my readers to walk away after reading my stories with their thoughts full of how the heroes & heroines supported their work efforts, hobbies, friendships, gave them comfort and support during troubled times, and how they grew together while still remaining individuals.I wanted to write stories that are role models of how healthy relationship works, so I became a romance author (among many other things).If I wanted to focus on the perfect wedding scene…I’d have become a wedding planner. (Mad props to that profession, mind you!)There is nothing wrong with wanting to splurge on a wedding ceremony, IF you have worked firmly on creating a solid relationship, and continue to work on having a great relationship.But honestly, big weddings do take up a lot of time & effort & energy & focus. How much of all of that are you still giving to the person who is supposed to be your lifelong companion?…Something to think about, at least. -- source link
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