the-real-seebs:tariqk:But I have friends who aren’t straight, or cis, or male. I have friends who ar
the-real-seebs:tariqk:But I have friends who aren’t straight, or cis, or male. I have friends who aren’t as financially secure. And they can get frustrated, and they can get mad. And yes, they say things like #killallmen, and yeah, I’ve seen “cis scum”, too.And here’s the thing: I don’t mind, when they say that. I mean, I get it — living day-to-day with an identity that the rest of society considers deviant, living in a place that considers you less-than-human… that shit is hard. The feelings you get can get pretty intense. You can be filled with anger and rage and hate.See, that’s exactly why I do mind when people say that. Because humans are wired to pass things on at least somewhat. If people are nice to you, you are more likely to be nice to everyone. Including random strangers. And if people are mean to you, you are more likely to be mean to everyone. So every time someone is mean, they are putting in not just a little mean up front, but the additional multiplicative effect of that meanness on all the people they affect.Being mean hurts everyone.So, when I saw that you actually said that “not all cis people are like that…” and I closed my eyes and groaned. That is so not the thing to say. You don’t. You don’t tell someone who is bleeding who, who is raw, who is hurt that “it isn’t my fault! Whoever did this to you, it wasn’t me!” It doesn’t help, and really, it provides nothing. They’re still bleeding, they’re still raw, and all you’ve done is reassured yourself (and not even them, because who the fuck are you? They don’t know you) that you’re not the oppressor.Okay, so you don’t tell them that. What do you tell them? Apparently you tell them to shut the fuck up. At least, that’s what you just did here. Read the pictures again. The person writing these was, in fact, hurt. Bleeding, raw, hurt. And you told them to shut their face because you don’t wanna hear it.Except… aren’t you? Aren’t you taking away that space for them to scream in pain and yell and curse by telling them that they are “part of the problem”? What is this problem you are talking about? An entire society shits on them and, you know, bullies them, and all you can provide is… “I’m not like that!”? Really?At best, you’ve done nothing to help the situation. At worst, you’re telling them that they can’t speak about their pain, at least not here, that your feelings are more important than their hurt.No, at best you’re telling them that the solution to “people are mean” is not “also be mean”. And at worst you’re reminding them that, while your feelings may not be more important than theirs, that doesn’t mean your feelings are less important than theirs, either.Okay, so you’re a bit discomfited. So what? If you can’t help, go somewhere else. Or read up about the pain that they’re experiencing. Or go help. Someone is bleeding. Either bind their wounds competently, support them, or get the fuck out of the way.Okay.So now take this paragraph, and apply it to another post I’ve seen recently: Yours, right here. You’re not okay with this person saying this? So what? If you can’t help, go somewhere else. Or go help. Someone is bleeding. Either bind their wounds competently, support them, or get the fuck out of the way.This applies to everyone, all the time, when anyone is in pain. If you start trying to make rules about whose pain counts, we are right back where we started at best. If you just treat all the pain the same, things get better.And let me say this again, it really sucks that you received a death threat — but do you expect that someone lashing out at you in pain is in any state to cause you any further harm?Death threats aren’t harm these days? And if you’re talking physical harm, you know what? People who are lashing out in pain are a hell of a lot more dangerous than the general population.When someone says that America should burn because of what they did, do you think they’re in any position to actually make that shit happen? Not really.The whole country on fire? No. Occasional people killed or blown up? Yes, actually, that does happen sometimes.The problem here, really, isn’t that no one should be bullied.Either you have a list of the people who really should be bullied, or this is false.The problem here is that sometimes, people need to vent, sometimes they need space to yell their pain, because the world is unfair, and they’re in pain and they’re hurting. And sometimes, when you come in and poke at that wound — I know you didn’t mean it, but that’s what happened — people are going to hit back.It really sucks, what happened. Don’t do it again.A+ victim-blaming. This is indistinguishable from every variant of “we wouldn’t give the gays problems if they didn’t shove their sexuality in our faces” I’ve run into lately, and let me assure you I’ve run into plenty.It’s true, sometimes people need to vent. But if you vent publically where other people see it and it hurts them, you fucking own that shit. You don’t go blaming them for getting hurt. -- source link