I was just in the middle of taking pictures of shoes that I wanted to sell. My boyfriend was cleanin
I was just in the middle of taking pictures of shoes that I wanted to sell. My boyfriend was cleaning up and the painter was painting the walls. Not too much later the postman came and we were full happy running back in the house with big boxes. But the happiness disappeared in a flashI know how it feels to lose someone. I’ve lost many people along the way. Even just with break up but also with lives that’s been taken away.. I still know the pain I felt when my stepmom passed. How it felt my dad finally woke up and still had the struggle to deal with the fact that he didn’t know who I was.. For some reason I put it in my pocket and move on. I actually run away from it. I never had the time to grieve about this loss and so I felt todaySome say I don’t have feelings. Some say I am rude and arrogant but the reason why I am like this is because I have big walls of security build around my emotions and vulnerable soul.. I seem to be cold. I am not. I actually take more care of everyone around me without they noticing it.When I was around 10 my stepdad gave me a wild farmer cat. Her name was Daisy. She was so pretty and so independent. She knew how to open doors: even the microwave. One day my mom said: “We need another one so maybe she will become less demanding”. That’s when my parents took me to a farm with cats and I had my eyes on the only white one. He was the smallest. They said he nearly died cause he was the last kitten. I was born three weeks too early so I wanted him and I called him Lucky because he survived and battled life same as I did as a baby.Lucky and I became the best friends. He climbed into the Christmas tree each year and broke all my moms balls. He always ended up breaking something in the house and if he didn’t do that, he always pissed and poo'ed everywhere. I always called him dumb cause he never learned from his mistakes. Instead of catching mice, he liked it to hunt fish instead. Out of someone’s backyard to be exact. One day he came home with this expensive Koi fish.. My parents nearly killed lucky, that’s how angry they were. If my stepdad got angry at lucky, he could expect a plate against his head. No one ever touched lucky the wrong way cause I was here to protect him. Then one day.. Daisy didn’t came home.. We went looking for her but never found her. Lucky wasn’t himself for a good solid two weeks, crying for her, looking for her. Big mom was gone..I didn’t had a good connection with her, she was older and liked my mom more. Lucky and I were basically the same age so we grew up together. Eventually Lucky started to lose his mind. She wasn’t around to control him so my mom said again: “We need another one so Lucky will become less crazy”. That’s when we got Pixie. Her fur looks like pixels. She was so cute and small but always in for a fight with Lucky. He just slapped her, he didn’t give a shit how small she was. I just laughed about it cause he looked so similar to me.Lucky always got in trouble. One day he came home full covered in blood and his tail was cut off.. Someone in the neighborhood hates cats, I never found who did it but if I ever will, I will kill the person for what he did. Don’t worry, I won’t kill but I will kick the shit out of him or her. No one touches my cat. You’re fucking with the wrong mom! Anyway.. He never lost his balance. He was still the perfect hunter. He always ripped my sweaters. And my pants. He always stole my food and was always down to eat even at 3am. If I was sick, he was in my room on my bed just sleeping with me. I always picked him up and danced with him. When he was still a baby I always covered him with a towel and he went crazy. A few weeks ago I was practicing my singing. I was recording it and lucky sang with me. I have heaps of videos of him being that silly cat, he looks so much like me.. Pixie as well but lucky even more. Today.. I was just unpacking the box with my new Céline shoes. I grabbed my phone to take a picture and saw a text message of my mom. I first looked at Callum. Cried. And called my mom. She cried. And showed me Lucky.. Pixie heard me cry and went looking for me, she didn’t understand I was on FaceTime. Pixie never really liked me.. She hated me for leaving all the time while Lucky understood I came back home anyway.. Now he is gone and I fucking regret not being home when I should have! I fucking regret working too long hours. I fucking regret living in Amsterdam only because it was easy for work. I could have went home easily after work to see him. Hug him. Kiss him. I fucking miss him. I get angry at myself for wasting this time. I never knew THIS would hurt so fucking bad. I never knew he had such big impact on my life. All these years HE has been my friend. All these years HE stayed, even if I sprayed him with water for being annoying. Suddenly these Céline sneakers didn’t mean anything anymore. Staring at Lucky while he was “sleeping” in his favorite sleeping spot.. It hurt me so bad to see him. It did give me a bit of peace knowing he passed away while he was sleeping, not knowing if he had pain or not.SUDDENLY ALL THESE MATERIAL SHIT IS NOTHING TO ME. SUDDENLY THE PRICE ON A SHOE IS PATHETIC TO ME! SUDDENLY I WONDER WHY I ALWAYS WORK AND MAKE MONEY INSTEAD OF CREATING MEMORIES. FUCK THIS SOCIETY WHERE WE NEED TO WORK. WE NEED TO EXPERIENCE LIFE AND NOT WORK TO BE ABLE TO LIVE! I love you Lucky! Thank you so much for giving me the best child hood I ever had! Thank you for being such a brave cat! I learned so much from you. I fucking HATE myself for not giving you all the attention you needed the last two months when I was home. I want to say so much more but I want to let you all know that, put effort in what you have and love. All these things I bought have no value anymore. These sneakers were supposed to make me happy. I worked hard for it. But memories and experience is worth so much more… Lucky.. I am so sorry.. I wish I could touch your fur now and be like: Hey Gaylord, the reason why you were my cat was because you’re just as stupid as I was and we were the best couple, you did good my baby kitty. I’ll see you soon.. God bless your soul and wait for me till I get home.. -- source link
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