principessadellopera:xenophonspeaks:weirdbitterdays:Point blank.Ok, so story time. I have never expe

principessadellopera:xenophonspeaks:weirdbitterdays:Point blank.Ok, so story time. I have never experienced a point in time where this was as powerful and as obvious as my freshman opening week back in college. They group everyone off and make you talk, people introduce themselves right and left, everyone talks about hobbies, and to me there was just this really cool vibe of, “Yeah, it’s easy to make friends, everyone is cool, yay!”This quickly went away when I began to notice a disturbing pattern. I’d spend a while talking to someone only to mention something about my boyfriend (who by the way is now my husband) who also was starting at the same university with me. Usually along the lines of, “Yeah, me and my boyfriend both do this medieval fighting reenactment thing, it’s super fun. We’re hoping to start a club here,” because that’s pretty much all I could talk about at that point in my life. Almost immediately the face of the guy I was talking to would go from smiling and friendly to openly hostile, and he’d be like, “You have a boyfriend?” And after I gave any sort of affirmation, the person would instantly walk away and never speak to me again.I was on a campus where the guy to girl ratio was 5 to 1, so as you might imagine, this happened to me way too fucking much in the span of a week. I was so fucking upset over it I remember sitting in my dorm alone in the evenings trying not to cry, feeling like an idiot and wondering why I wasn’t good enough for people to want to be friends with. A majority of my friends in high school had been guys, so the fact that these guys were solely interested in getting laid rather than making friendships really hurt (not to mention made me question a lot of the friendships with guys I already had). I had never made friends with girls easily (still don’t), and I was originally pretty pumped with the guy to girl ratio just because I much prefer to hang around men, so realizing that none of them would want anything to do with me unless it was for sexual reasons made me incredibly pessimistic about what my friendships would look like for the next four years.However, there was ONE GUY the whole week who stuck around and stayed my friend. He ended up being good friends with both me and my boyfriend. We hung out all the time, joined the same clubs, went to parties together, etc. At the end of sophomore year, he actually came to visit our hometown (my boyfriend and I grew up in the same town but had attended different schools) and even stayed at my family’s house in the guest room. I was super pumped, because I saw him as a really good friend to both me AND my boyfriend. We were going to have like five whole days to hang out and show him the town, right? Come to find out, the only reason he’d been friends with me the entire time was because he was waiting for me to break up with my boyfriend so he could date me, and when that hadn’t happened after two years he actually got mad at me while I was letting him stay in my fucking house. He spent the rest of his stay telling me what a horrible person I was, how terrible my boyfriend was for me, and making me feel physically uncomfortable in my own home— literally telling me I owed him something for the two years he “put up with me.” To make a long story short, we haven’t spoken now in five years, and I don’t regret that at all.Like I get it, the friendzone sucks, no one likes rejection. But holy fuck, I would much rather be rejected sexually than be rejected as an entire human being.Something similar happened to me.I met this guy when he transferred to my college and joined my club.  As president, I welcomed him, told him it was great he joined the club, etc. like I did with all the new kids.  He and I hit it off so well.  We spent hours talking, we had the same sense of humor, and he was just an overwhelmingly great guy and everyone loved him and he was my bro.  He and I decided that we’d go to the end of the semester dance together if we couldn’t find dates, so we did.  This was a week after I asked out the girl I liked long-distance.At the dance, our group of friends suddenly couldn’t find him.  We looked everywhere for him but he had just disappeared.  He did eventually turn up, and he seemed down, but he told us he was fine, just feeling icky, no big deal.  Everyone went on to have a great time (mind you, this was a group of about 12 people).  A few days later he told me that he asked me to the dance because he liked me and he planned to ask me to be his girlfriend then, except that I had gushed to him that the girl I’d been pining after for months said yes (even though she lived in another state).  That’s why he missed so much of the party.  He said he walked around the block, crying, because he didn’t have a chance with me now and he hadn’t cried since he was seven.  I felt terrible, but he told me it was okay and that we were still friends.Radio silence for two months.  I didn’t hear a word from him, he deleted me off of Facebook, he didn’t text or call back, nothing.  When I finally did run into him at school he gave me the stink eye and ignored me.  I was hurt.  When I finally confronted him, he yelled at me, saying that if I truly valued him as a friend that I would date him.  I told him I didn’t feel that way for him, and besides, I had a girlfriend.  He gave me an ultimatum: date him, or never speak to him again.We haven’t spoken since.  And that wasn’t the last time a guy didn’t value me enough as a person to try and save a friendship. -- source link
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