addignisherlock:dry:darcylock:this fucking nerd makes me want to cryhe’s so sad that he doesnt
addignisherlock:dry:darcylock:this fucking nerd makes me want to cryhe’s so sad that he doesnt capitalize his ‘i’ ;_____________;This is probably how his entire life is though. Like as a child, the desire for attention is normal because humans are social creatures. But with his naturally awkward social tendencies, it’s likely that the kids around him will dismiss him as ‘weird’ or ‘freak’ and he’d end up being ostracized on a daily basis from a very young age. And that pain of being rejected is very much real. (Psychologists have researched this and found out that the brain activity when someone is being rejected is very similar to when someone is getting physically hit. The brain literally releases the same pain sensation signals.) So can you imagine what this would do to him?As he grows up, he’d learn to create his own coping techniques to bury the pain, and part of that technique is probably to make himself believe that he is a sociopath, because sociopaths would not have to feel the sadness that he feels. And he would rather not feel anything than be reminded of the constant rejection society gives him. Even though in reality, all he wanted was for someone to tell him that he’s worth something. The saddest part is that, he may even hate himself for craving that human affection. Look at how hard he tries to convince himself, saying things like ‘sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side’; and even denying that he feels emotions: ‘I’m not involved’. But nonetheless, he craves human affection, and because he believes he will never get it, it evolves to craving human attention. It doesn’t even matter anymore if people perceived him as rude or arrogant - they always do so anyways. And so he ends up portraying this kind of childish deviance, demanding people to pay attention to him.And of course John saved him from that loneliness, and that’s why he cherishes John in a way even he doesn’t quite understand because never in his life has he known how affection felt like. So if you’ve won a lottery in your 34th trial, what do you do next? You start to wish maybe this is the beginning of your winning streak. Maybe you’re getting better at the game. Maybe you’ll win the next round too. Now look at his comments. That’s what he’s doing. Maybe his success with John led him to feel a sense of self-worth again. Maybe he thought he could have more friends now, maybe he was getting better at this game. Yet no one else replies. It really is only John. Which is why he’s so afraid of losing John. Subconsciously, he had made John his only lifeline. John became his only support, his only pillar. So if John ever gets taken away from him, or worse - walks away from him, Sherlock will be broken. -- source link