(3/8) “Lizzie and I got to know each other in that little world. My friends were telling me to leave
(3/8) “Lizzie and I got to know each other in that little world. My friends were telling me to leave it alone. They told me it wasn’t appropriate, and I should be focusing on my recovery. But with Lizzie I was like a teenager. I couldn’t help it. We started spending most of our shifts together. She’d help me cook. We’d do puzzles. Sometimes after Red went to sleep, we’d stay on the phone until early in the morning, just talking. Lizzie had been through some stuff too. She was recovering from an alcohol addiction, so we bonded over that. But her background was much more traditional. So it was easy to feel like I didn’t deserve her. Here I was, fresh off a horrible drug addiction. Living in my mom’s spare bedroom with my seven year old son. I had just about every red flag in the book. And then there was my trauma history. How are you supposed to explain that to somebody? I’d spent so many years on the street, I could quickly fall back into those patterns. I wasn’t violent or anything. Not even close. But I could get aggressive with my language and tone of voice. I couldn’t handle conflict. I’d just say: ‘Fuck it,’ and I’d walk away. One night we were hanging out at Lizzie’s apartment, and we started arguing over something stupid. It was nothing. But I got so angry that I started walking home. I lived almost 25 miles away. And this was January in Minnesota, so the last thing I wanted to do was leave. But I was frustrated, and probably a little scared. Scared to be falling in love. Scared of being abandoned. So I started walking through the dark. Lizzie got in her car and followed me. The snow was coming down hard. But she kept right alongside me, with the window down. She kept saying: ‘Come inside and talk.’ But I’m being stubborn. I’m not responding. And we went on that way for a few blocks. Not too far, but when it’s that cold—it’s pretty far. Finally I gave up and got into the car. And we talked it out. It was special stuff. When you’re broken like that. When you’ve been through what I’ve been through. To have somebody show you, I’m going to stay, no matter what. It’s really something, man. It’s special stuff.” -- source link