Do you ever feel like a con-artist? Like you’re here under false pretenses? And everyone looki

Do you ever feel like a con-artist? Like you’re here under false pretenses? And everyone looking up to you, they shouldn’t, because you’re not that, you’re not that at all? Shhh. You’re a forgiving man, Edward Tonks, not everyone else is. _____________ School. School was a miserable place. Sixteen hours of wondering whether or not striding down halls calling people mudblood and ramming one’s shoulder into theirs to send them flying was really what life boiled down to. But Rabastan reassured her that this was the right thing to do. That they had to take back what was theirs – even if it meant, sometimes, holding helpless kids mudbloods out of windows. Or hexing them. You couldn’t be proud without knowing that everyone else was being trampled underfoot. Seventeen. That was the year they all got their summons. The Dark Lord has need of you. And they all bent backwards, jumped through hoops to please him. Really. Was this what life boiled down to? Bullying. Attacking. Violence. Merlin how was she supposed to tell? How was she supposed to know what made humans human and what made some worthy of life and others not? How could they tell? How could they, when the blood that spurted from that mudblood’s veins was as red as hers and as red as Bab’s? There was only one way to know. ________________ Tell me why I should let you live. She points the wand at him threateningly. Will she kill him? Really? Really? Will you have the courage to follow through? Really? Merlin knows. She breathes and forces her hand to stop shaking. It is not enough. Not enough to stop the thoughts racing through her mind, to stop the lump from forming in her throat and the fear, the fear because if he says it, if he breaks the spell, she would have wasted more than half her life swallowing the pain she felt every time she looked into some mudblood’s wounded eyes. He stares blankly at her, at a loss for words. She prays he will not think of something to say. Please, let me be. Let this be.  I – Please, for Merlin’s sake, please. I – And if he does? And if he does say it – if he does break the spell? What will you do? Run? Hide? From your parents? From the eyes of the wizarding world? Can’t you see the headlines? Can’t you hear the whispers? Andromeda Black – Blood Traitor – dis — I – I haven’t finished my potions essay, he stammers. Neither have I, she almost says out loud. Oh. Oh. She lowers her wand and considers him, really considers him. Seventeen, just like her and sweating nervously – terrified, even though he’s more than a foot taller than her and stronger, almost certainly stronger, but terrified because she is one of them and they don’t play by the rules. They think he’s an animal. But he looks at her as though she is a wild animal – a beast of prey, waiting to pounce. So who, really, is truly human after all? Maybe they’re both human, painted skins over animal souls. You’re just like me, she says out loud. Um, he says. She turns around abruptly and leaves and he exhales. __________________ Do you ever wonder sometimes, if you’re not really everything they make you out to be? You’re a con-artist and your cousin knew, better than you, what was right and wrong. Because you needed to be taught that other people, too, are human. Do you ever wonder if they’ll ever forgive you if they find you out? ‘Dromeda, m’love, it’s two A.M. You worry too much. They won’t forgive me when they find out how close I came to killing you that night. You wouldn’t have. How d’you know? You were just as scared as I was, at the thought of death and violence and pain, and you didn’t swallow it down. You were just as angry, though you didn’t know that was what it was called. That’s enough. That’s enough to make you better than them. You’re a forgiving man, Edward Tonks, not everyone else is. _______________ You’re a forgiving man, Edward Tonks, that’s your only fault. And now it’s gone and got you killed, because you tried to talk some silly boy down. You should have seen the murder in his eyes and run. You should have saved yourself.  You should have saved your forgiveness for people who really deserved it. -- source link

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