obsessionisaperfume:theongreyjoy:darlingsashi:You’re stuck with the soulless guy, so you might

obsessionisaperfume:theongreyjoy:darlingsashi:You’re stuck with the soulless guy, so you might as well work with me. Let’s fix this.#I think the main problem with how people view soulless!Sam is that they oversimplify him#they tend to lump him into two categories - he’s either an empty automaton or just downright evil#but it’s not that simple #he’s quite a complex character if you think about it#he is incapable of feeling things but he still remembers how they used to feel#he can’t feel the guilt that has always dragged him into the shadows or the love for his brother that has always pulled him back up#but he remembers it#Dean’s entire existence is counter-productive to soulless!sam’s goals#but he still sticks by his side and follows his orders and does whatever he must to protect him#hunting is a dangerous and demanding life#but he still puts his life on the line every day to keep fighting#even if he can’t feel it he can’t forget how important it’s all supposed to be to him#he’ll throw away the lives of innocent civilians at the drop of the hat if he deems it necessary to get the job done#and that’s fucked up for sure#but it’s because he’s broken not because he’s evil or anything#soulless!sam exists in a world of truly neutral moral ambiguity#you can’t cast him into a black or white role#he can’t feel love but he remembers it and WANTS it back#he can’t feel guilt or sorrow and he knows that it made living harder#but he wants to be that guy again for reasons he won’t even say#can you imagine how incredibly fucking weird that would be? to remember how it felt like to love and hate and fear and regret#but not be able to feel it anymore? how fucking empty and broken you’d feel?#I bet it felt like someone had just bored open his chest and pulled out the softest bits that made him vulnerable yet real#Pinocchio saw his strings and really really wanted to be a real boy againYES. THIS.It was always Sam, even without the soul. Just with the filters off. That coldness, that ruthlessness, was there even when he still had his soul—just look at how he was in “Mystery Spot” those six months when Dean was dead.Because Dean is the reason that Sam has filters. Dean is the reason that Sam grew up to be a compassionate human being. Dean is the reason Sam realized he needed his soul back.It’s really scary to think how Sam would have turned out if Dean hadn’t been there. Because Sam is SO much like John, and Bobby and Pastor Jim might have ameliorated John’s influence some, but not nearly enough to equal Dean’s influence on Sammy.The entire Ruby arc is another example of how willing Sam is to let the ends justify the means. And you know, until it became obvious he was jonesing, I was sort of with him on that one. Wouldn’t it be better to be able to get rid of demons without killing or torturing their innocent hosts?Sam’s problem was never dehumanizing (or depersonalizing, in the case of some demons and kitsunes and vampires) others; his problem is, can be, that he is willing to let the big picture be worth more than those individual lives, not realizing that each life is a big picture unto itself. (To borrow from one of my favorite books: “a world of dew/and in every dewdrop,/a world of struggle.”) He’s willing to let the goal be more important than the consequences, and that trait, that possibility (because Sam is also incredibly compassionate) came to the fore when his soul was taken.The concern for the individual, the compassion, the ability to see the individual as an individual and valuing that individuality, the recognition that every person gone is a world lost, a small apocalypse; all these are emotional, and he’d lost access to that. The people he remained (dispassionately) concerned for were the people he’d known–and known well–before the pit, because for them he could remember something of that; for strangers, victims, hosts, all the people who pop up in one episode never to be seen again? He can’t care. He doesn’t remember caring for them, and now he doesn’t know how to start. He doesn’t see why he should, with something greater at stake. He’s looking at pure numbers, because those he still has access to. He’s looking at the forest, not the trees. -- source link
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