selfcareafterrape:littledarlinglilith:The first thing you need to know is that this is about them.&n

selfcareafterrape:littledarlinglilith:The first thing you need to know is that this is about them. Not you. Do not say things like, “think about how this is making me feel", “think about what this is going to do to your family". This will make them feel even shittier about their problems. Talking about how other people will feel is completely ignoring how they feel. Don’t be selfish. Don’t talk about yourself. This is all about them. Refrain from saying things like, “I feel/think…”.You need to know that this is ultimately their decision and if their mind is set, you cannot stop them. Don’t make them feel like if they kill themselves, you’ll be angry and you’ll hate them. What they need is comfort. Let them know that whatever decision they make, you will always love them.You need to acknowledge that their feelings, thoughts, and emotions are all valid. Sometimes saying things like “what you are feeling is valid and you have every right to be feeling this way” will make them feel more comfortable talking to you.Do not ask them why they feel the way they do. It is none of your business. Sometimes it is easier to understand why they want to die if you know what’s going on but sometimes the person may not feel comfortable explaining it. Say something like “you don’t need to tell me why you feel like suicide is your only option but if you want to talk about it, I will listen and I will not judge you”. They need to know that you care about their feelings.Do not tell them that this is selfish. They have been completely selfless their entire life. They have every right to take control of their own life.Don’t try to change their mind. Instead, ask them to seek out help. Let them know that they can go to the ER where they will transfer them to an inpatient facility where they can get all the psychological help that they need. Do not push it. Say it once and that is it.Do not beg them to stay alive. Just don’t. You are guilting them into living for you and that is not okay. If they want to live, they should be wanting to live for themselves, not other people.Comfort them. Tell them that you care. Tell them that their life matters. Sometimes all somebody needs is to know that somebody cares.Don’t tell them that this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is a cliche phrase that doesn’t help anyone. They feel like it is a permanent solution to a permanent problem and you can’t make them think otherwise.Do not threaten to call the police. That will cause so much embarrassment, shame, humiliation, and anxiety.Fucking listen even if you don’t understand. Just listen.Disclaimer: These are just the basics. Each person needs different things. From what I’ve experienced with talking to suicidal people and from being suicidal myself, these 11 things will comfort the majority of people the most. I am by no means an expert on psychology. I am speaking only from experience. If you feel like the situation is out of your hands, you have every right to contact authorities.A while ago someone asked me to do a piece about how to handle a suicidal friend, and I have not so gracefully been avoiding it.This guide is pretty much spot on what I would have said, with the one exception that has kept me from writing anything on the topic.“If you feel like the situation is out of your hands, you have every right to contact authorities”Some people feel overwhelmed by any mention of suicide. At the end of the night there is a difference between suicidal ideation- and a suicide threat and if you can’t see the difference, I’d actually plead for you not to make calls to the authority- at least not before clarifying which it is. Especially if you don’t know the situation a person is in.If someone is in an abusive situation- where they live with their abuser? If you report them for being suicidal- If they had no intention on acting on those feelings- you are putting that person in a space to get killed. Abusers do not take kindly to cops showing up at their door- saying that there has been a suicide threat. If you can’t tell if someone is actively going to harm themselves- ask them.“Are you an immediate threat to yourself?” do not ask this in an angry or judging way.Some people are suicidal for years. It is better that they have someone who is willing to talk with them- than someone who is going to report them at any mention.If someone is an immediate threat to themselves, ask if you can help.I have spent too many nights on the phone- listening to people I’ve never even met in person. Held too many people until the feelings were at least calmed. Confiscated too many pill bottles, cleaning supplies, belts and sharp objects. To say ‘If they’re going to hurt themselves- call the authorities.’because I preach what I practice. Do I think that there are some occasions where it is proper to call the authorities? Yes. Do I think that a majority of the time that authorities are called- it could have been handled otherwise? yes. Do I think that there are times where calling the authorities is the worst thing you can do? yes.Over all though, this is a really good guide- and I do know a lot of people will disagree with my stance on when it is okay to report and when it isn’t. -- source link

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