jhameia:rowantheexplorer:solitarelee:1pt25-girls:heyblackrose:blackgiornogiovanna:dandridgegirl:dand

jhameia:rowantheexplorer:solitarelee:1pt25-girls:heyblackrose:blackgiornogiovanna:dandridgegirl:dandridgegirl:“It is a radical upheaval, a national reckoning with massive social and political implications,” says Traister. “Across classes, and races, we are seeing a wholesale revision of what female life might entail. We are living through the invention of independent female adulthood as a norm, not an aberration, and the creation of an entirely new population: adult women who are no longer economically, socially, sexually, or reproductively dependent on or defined by the men they marry.”So, we might summarize one trend as: “Independent Single Ladies on the Rise.”For more than forty years I have specialized in working with men. I’m seeing a disturbing trend of increased male irritability and anger, along with a rise in the depression and suicide rates for males. In doing research for my book, The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, I developed a quiz that has now been taken by more than 60,000 men throughout the world.I’ve seen a disturbing trend where more and more men feel disconnected, disrespected, and angry. We see the anger acted out in violent attacks such as the ones we saw in Orlando and also in the rhetoric of presidential candidate Donald Trump. We also see it in a rise of male loneliness.Unfortunately, this is a common experience for an increasing number of men. Joiner concludes that “Men’s main problem is not self-loathing, stupidity, greed, or any of the legions of other things they’re accused of. The problem, instead, is loneliness; as they age, they gradually lose contact with friends and family, and here’s the important part, they don’t replenish them.”I see these two trends interweaving and reinforcing each other. As women become more independent and self-sufficient they are not willing to settle for a marriage where their needs are not met. They would rather get their social and emotional support from work associates, friends, and family.As men feel unable to meet women’s needs for economic, emotional, and social support, they feel more inadequate and distance themselves even more, often escaping into pornography, increased alcohol consumption, and compulsive work habits. I hear from many women that “there just aren’t any good men out there to marry” and they become even more self-sufficient and self-contained. I hear from men who say, “Women just don’t want intimacy anymore.” They become more fearful of reaching out to women and risking rejection.”https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/women-saying-no-marriage-men-becoming-angry-depressed-lonely-wcz/When are males going to collectively decide to change? Go to therapy, make better friends, stop being rapist, develop some interests other than porn, develop better social skills, become more empathetic, gain knowledge on actually giving a woman an orgasm, repair their relationships with their family, read a book on social skills, take a class on social skills, stop having sexual Tourette’s, develop a life that a woman would actually say yes to if you propose. I can’t be sympathetic because most males don’t move an inch to change their lives for the better. They just get madder that no woman wants them. ^^^^^^ It’s easier for them to blame us then to take any real responsibility for their actions let the church say amen.Yeah, this is huge for me – I mean, before my current relationship I didn’t date for 2 years? 3 years? I don’t need a man in this century, I can have a job and open a bank account and sign contracts myself, so then it becomes why do I want one? What am I looking for a partner to add to my life?For me I think it’s (in no order)- A+ sex and physical contact- Companionship, enjoyable conversations and time together- Emotional support- Reliability/dependabilityand these don’t seem like impossible things in general – some of my friends are 3 for 4.But it seems like so many guys are not getting the “you’re not required anymore” message and understanding its ramifications. Then instead of making themselves desirable partners, they mostly react by just…getting mad and playing video games 24/7?(btw I know I/women absolutely am not required either, and in fact I’m a worse deal than most women because I’m not signing up to handle a guy’s dirty socks and Christmas cards for him. BUT I am very into trying to improve partners’ lives in other ways; that’s something I take seriously…so I know it can be done??)Yeah honestly from a non-binary perspective it’s just so totally fucking wacko, because I’m NO GODDAMN CATCH as a significant other: I’m not hot, I have weird hang-ups in bed, trauma has left me emotionally compromised and with a terrible fear of trusting other people… but I’ve still managed several long-term, committed relationships with people (and even more FWB style flings). Because people want others around them, they want companionship, or romance, or sex, or all of the above. Most people want, in one way or another, to not be going it alone. In fact, most of my friends, in lieu of any useful romantic partners around, are beginning to discuss forming these long-lasting social and economic bonds with each other instead of a single male romantic partner. Seems reasonable; that way everything’s sort of spread out. If two humans are better at surviving together, surely three to five would be better, and between the lot of us, we’re BOUND to figure out the companionship, romance, and sex stuff. And I can tell you for sure, that if a decent guy came around wanting in on this (ESP a cis guy, out of the sheer innovation of the concept), he’d be the goddamn belle of the ball. The only thing is that he’d be expected to add just as much support to the group as everyone else… and as the article pussyfoots around, that’s the exact goddamn problem. The kind of guys that are getting angry instead of just depressed are guys that feel obligated. Entitled. The men who were promised the world–which INCLUDED a submissive woman–and then never got it. Not romantically, not economically. There’s literally never been a plague of ace/aro/aroace men goddamn murdering people, this is not, as the article seems to be pushing, because these men ~don’t have a woman~ to do literally ALL their domestic and emotional and social labor for them. It’s because they never learned and can’t be bothered to learn how to do that labor themselves because they were PROMISED someone else to do it for them. Now they don’t have it, and still, instead of being honest and telling them the problem is internal and there IS hope and they CAN fix it and gain companionship (and letting them know they need emotional companionship! do you know how few men fucking realize that’s a THING they need and then don’t understand why they’re depressed all the time???) in this life, articles like this coddle them and then point the blame squarely at women for not being willing to be abused by emotionally stunted men anymore. So of course the men continue to blame women and society, when they’re told it’s women and society’s fault that they’re alone and miserable! Instead of giving these men hope and help, articles like this just point them at women and society and say “those two things you can’t control? it’s their fault. you’ll always feel like this, and it’s their fault.” And then wring their hands when more violence and mass shootings occur! These men were trained from birth to have most domestic, social, and emotional labor done for them. And they resent that circumstances are forcing them to learn how to do it now, as adults. This is the root of both the aggression and the depression. If you were taught that others doing this labor for you is how you know others care about you, and then suddenly you find that no one is doing it for you and actually expect you to do it yourself, you might come to the conclusion that no one cares about you or will care about you. That you are forever unloved and unworthy because these independent women won’t do this labor for you. This is why men need feminism, to break some of these terrible myths about people’s worth and value and how caring and affection “should” be expressed.for thousands of years men have their men-only cults and religious orders and clubs and all that denigrating women for being useless for the life of men and now that women have no time for them they get want to get mad  -- source link
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