(here’s my paper airplane to you I guess)10 Things I Always Remember About You and Me1 - Whene

(here’s my paper airplane to you I guess)10 Things I Always Remember About You and Me1 - Whenever I think of you, the first thing that comes to my mind is a series of rapidly flashing images of every single time you’ve kissed my forehead, from that very first time, when you were explaining to me the meaning of each different type of kiss, to the most recent one, when we were saying goodbye a few days ago. Like a movie in fast forward, I see all of those little moments playing in sequence and somehow the words that go unsaid through these gestures become so charged that I can feel them, I can feel what you’re saying, and I feel it now just as strongly as I felt it the very first time you kissed my forehead.That’s how I know you truly mean it.2 - Your eternal obsession with messing up my hair - especially my weird, too-long-to-be-called-a-fringe fringe. I remember you used to do it before, when we were just friends and you just wanted to annoy me; I remember how you used to do it when we were together the first time around, carefully and with the exact precision to make my hair automatically flip backwards after you’d run your fingers through it; and I keep thinking of the way you still do it now - slightly differently, yet all the same.That’s how I know nothing has changed between us, even though everything has changed between us.3 - All your different smiles, of which I keep a mental catalogue to myself, and my favourite smile in particular - the one you would only show me every once in a while when we would be in your room dreaming away about the future, just two kids believing they had all the answers; the one you revealed to me again at the end of our second-first date.That’s how I knew you felt the same.4 - How careful you always were, and still are, to respect my limits. Even when we were younger, sometimes we would carried away in the heat of the moment, and suddenly you were moving your hands up my back underneath my shirt, but as soon as you realised what you were doing you would stop, fix my shirt so I was properly covered up, and then you would make sure to take things slow and only do what you know I felt comfortable with. And I could tell just careful you were, every single time. And you were always just as respectful and patient with me this time around as well.That’s how I always knew I could trust you implicitly and completely.5 - I always remember that one day when we were talking in your room all those years ago, I was telling you the story of my childhood friends who cut me off and I suddenly burst into tears because the same thing seemed to be happening again with my friends whom you knew. You didn’t say a word then, you just took me in your arms and held me close until I was calmer. Then you said something, I can’t quite remember your exact words, but I remember how they made me feel. Not alone. Safe. Confident. Loved.That’s how I always knew you understood.6 - I remember all the times you would tickle me until I was screaming with laughter; and how we fought over a blanket once and I somehow ended up sitting in your lap, speechless and more in love with you than I realised; and all the times you insisted on carrying my bag for me as you walked me home from school; even that one time when I was tired of walking up and down the streets so you carried me in your back for an entire block like it was the most natural thing in the world. Somehow we still thought we were just friends in all of these times. And although we were so much more than that, those feelings hidden beneath the surface in no way made our friendship any less real.That’s how I always knew you were my friend.7 - I remember that day we were going to sit a geography exam and I was so worried about it that I somehow cut myself without noticing it - but you did. Not only did you notice the cut, but you argued with me because I didn’t want to stop revising to take care of it. When you realised I was too stubborn to listen, you simply got up and started to carefully clean the blood away for me. I was already nervous about the exam, but feeling the delicate pressure of your hands on my arm made me a thousand times more nervous and for a completely different reason. Of course my immediate reaction was to ignore what you were doing and focus solely on my revision. You probably thought me so rude and never knew why I reacted that way. I was afraid that if I looked at you taking care of me like that for a second longer I would let something as huge as ‘I love you’ slip casually from my lips. Until today that is the most tender, delicate, caring thing anyone has ever done for me. And I have countless other memories of you demonstrating concern for me, for my feelings and my dreams, of the way you seem to like taking care of me, of the look you get on your face when you’re doing so - as if being allowed to take care of me is somewhat of an honour to you. At least that is what you always seem to say wordlessly in such moments as these.That’s how I always knew you were my man.8 - I cannot seem to forget the lovely image of you playing with the children at the care home we visited with school all those years ago. It was the first time I saw for myself how amazing you are with kids, the natural talent you seem to have for it, and it was also the first time I felt something warm and happy stirring within me at such a sight. Recently I’ve seen you playing with young children and teenagers even, seen your infinite patience with them; I’ve seen the way you always worry too much about your sister while you try to never let it show, seen how she means the world to you; and what touched me even more deeply, I’ve seen the way you are with my younger cousin when you’re playing together, and I know how much he already adores you for it. I felt the same thing I had felt all those years ago in these moments now.That’s how I always knew I wanted to spend my future beside you.9 - And yes, I admit I may not have recognised you at first, but I will never forget the day we met by chance for the second time in our lives, five years after I had moved away to a different city in the opposite side of the country. I was the new student enrolling in school and coming back to our town after not having been there in years and we were only twelve years old then so you can imagine just how nervous I was. But when I had just stepped inside you crossed the school courtyard, running towards me and calling my name with a wide smile lighting up your features. I tried so hard but could not remember you immediately. But when you said we had studied together in first grade, and that I hadn’t changed at all, and that I was even wearing the same hairstyle as before, I could not doubt a word you were saying. The fact that you remember us as six year-olds playing together and I don’t has to be one of the most unfair things in the world. Even so, our friendship started anew from that day onward, and I had never been close friends with a boy before so the times when I questioned myself about us were far from few, but I would always think back to that first day of classes and how I had never felt myself so welcome and cherished arriving somewhere new, and so I took it as a sign that for some reason, you and I were meant to keep finding each other ‘by chance’. Just like we did for the third time, when we were eighteen years old and I had been away again for 3 years after breaking up with you. I also take as a sign the fact that all it took was us starting to talk to each other again, ‘just as friends’, for all those feelings to resurface unbidden in my chest and make me realise that I had to be the one to tell you how I felt this time. Even if you didn’t feel the same way, I was fully certain that my feelings would never go away, after all I had tried that for 3 years and clearly it did not work whatsoever, so I thought I might as well give us a second chance hoping that you’d want it just as much as I did. And well, all I can say is I’m infinitely glad that you did.That’s how I always knew we were meant to be.10 - Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could ever forget the times when I was feeling so lonely after that awful fight with my closest friends. I wasn’t speaking to them and neither was I any good at making new friends, so as a result I would just isolate myself and keep quiet for the most of the day in school. But then you would talk to me in class out of the blue and I remember feeling instantly better, even though we were not really close at that point. It was as if you were able to do some sort of magic that always made me smile in your presence. I had no idea why that happened every time, there was just something about you that made me feel happy no matter what, just by having you near me. The fact that you saw me when I was invisible is one of the few things in life that makes me feel like fairytales can actually be real sometimes. I can never tell you how much it means to me that you confidently found your way into my life and heart when I was going through hard times and made it all so much better. And now, all those years later, you still work your magic on me effortlessly. I may be having the worst day and feel like nothing could ever put a stop to my tears, but when you show up I suddenly forget why I ever allow bad things to upset me when I know I have the courage to face them and come out stronger afterwards. And you remind me of that, each and every single time, without saying it in words, but by making me feel it within. I’ve always hoped that someday I’ll learn how to do the same for you, but with you it’s surprisingly simple and easy. It is as if you were meant to make me feel happy just by existing and being near me - either physically or emotionally, for we both know the magic works just as well either way. And I could not be more thankful for it, for having you in my life.That’s how I always knew I loved you. -- source link
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