#testosterone: week 60 Pronouns: it, he “You don’t seem aware of how people resp

#testosterone: week 60 Pronouns: it, he “You don’t seem aware of how people respond to you” I’ve heard the sentiment before; perhaps I should internalize it. A friend repeated it recently as we stood sharing a cigarette under the full moon. I had confided to him my fit of crying, the paralyzing rejection. When people say this they always seem surprised, as though reacting to some dramatic irony: you, dear reader, can clearly see that I am loved & admired, but our hapless hero fails to notice the clues. A few weeks later & I’m remembering my friend’s words. I’m noticing how happy people are to see me, the ways in which they make time & space for me. I’m relishing the ease with which I form connections, online or in person. The urgency with which I pursue intimacy seems silly in the face of how readily available it is. But I am also trying not to be harsh towards myself; my vulnerability is beautiful, my open heart precious. The right people are being drawn in, each at their own pace. The rest were never meant to be. I don’t seem to notice how people respond to me. Shocked when a glamorous drag queen confesses a crush. Baffled when a handsome twink leans in for a kiss. Skeptical when a fellow performer expresses admiration. I’ve been called intimidating before; funny, given how intimidated I am of most people! One day I’ll have an accurate self-assessment, confident & grounded & aware & unbothered. Until then I will continue to pay attention & overthink. I hope one day I’ll be secure in my relationships, not reading rejection & abandonment in every unanswered text or missed plan. I will try to notice how people respond to me. #hrt #transitionjournal #nonbinary #gaytrans #gay #documentingtransition #fucktheCistem #t #HPonT #2ndpuberty #weveHadOneYesButWhatAbout2ndPuberty #TRANSatlantic #transman #transmasc #lgbt #transtrender #t #cestlat https://www.instagram.com/h.p.loveshaft/p/BwKjISrhpgP/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=j6sb0kpemh05 -- source link

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