neurodiversitysci: I just went on Tumblr to write about this problem! Sarah Von Bargen, a non-disabl
neurodiversitysci: I just went on Tumblr to write about this problem! Sarah Von Bargen, a non-disabled blogger I like, writes: “I get really motion sick and I’ll puke if we’re driving through the mountains (even if I take Dramamine). I don’t like it when people eat cocktail shrimp in my vicinity. There are various exes I’d prefer not to run into.I don’t like amusement parks or the State Fair. Wearing cashmere or angora makes me feel like the walls are closing in. I don’t like to be around large groups of drunk strangers. After about four hours of conversation or group engagement, the light turns off inside me and I need to go sit in a quiet place by myself. And preferably read lady magazines or nap…. You know who likes constantly accommodating one person’s needs? Absolutely no one. If I don’t like it when you eat cocktail shrimp next to me, maybe I should move. Rather than asking you not to invite my ex to that party, maybe I should go early. Or late. Or go whenever I want and then not talk to them. You’re having a birthday party at an amusement park? How about I buy you a drink the day before? If I feel myself reaching my social quota I can just excuse myself and go the eff home. … ultimately, I am the only person who is responsible for myself, my happiness, and dealing with my issues. …When I decided that I was the only one responsible for working around my stuff, life got a lot easier. Friendships became a lot more fun. (People like you more when you’re not asking them to stop eating that shrimp so loudly.)” And see, if people actually let you accommodate yourself, this is exactly the right thing to do. It’s taking responsibility for yourself, being an adult. But we don’t live in that world. People don’t let us accommodate ourselves. So if we want or need to participate, we have no choice but to ask other people to accommodate us. And then we probably will sound irritated and even entitled about it, because guess what? No one should have to choose between irritating other people and not participating in something at all. This is one area where neurotypicals have a huge advantage and don’t even know it. As shown here, where Sarah just assumes that other people will still hire her, want to be friends with her, etc., if she accommodates herself. People will think you’re weird and rude if you don’t eat the same thing as everyone else. They’ll harass you about it. People will think you don’t want to hang out with them if you skip out on that party in a loud restaurant, or that cabin weekend you can’t afford. And not only will they judge you, they’ll tell their friends, coworkers, etc. how weird, rude, and standoffish you are, and then none of them will want to interact with you either. And then, look at this: “nobody’s going to hold me down and make me wear angora.” People do almost exactly that to autistic kids all the time. Even when they’re not diagnosed and people think they’re “just being difficult.” Sometimes, it’s done in order to make them act “normal.” Sometimes, it’s an attempt to do “exposure therapy” in the hope that they’ll get used to noxious sensory stimuli and it’ll bother them less. What happens when these kids grow up? They expect people to hold them down and make them wear angora, or the equivalent. They’re afraid to take care of their own needs because of how others will react if they do. A lot of them exhaust themselves trying to look “normal” while being overwhelmed and burn out. Personally, I’ve almost never had any formal accommodations, nor do I want them. What I do want is to be allowed to do things that let me function, like: Get all instructions in writing, or be allowed to audio-record them. Meet with supervisors regularly and be allowed to ask lots of questions to make sure I understand and remember what they said. Have a little bit of downtime in between each event. Have the opportunity to eat and drink every few hours and go to the bathroom every 2 hours. Be able to wear dark glasses and headphones when necessary. Skip out on events in noisy restaurants and bars, and do my social networking other times and places. Or leave early when I can’t process any more. I also want to know I can do these things without being judged as less skilled or more annoying than people who don’t need to accommodate themselves in these ways. You’d think that would make me every neurotypical supervisor’s dream. No need to worry about expensive, time-consuming accommodations for me. I’ll take care of my needs myself! But I can’t even count on that. I’m afraid even to ask. Accommodating ourselves is an important life skill. We, as a culture, need to be teaching it from an early age and rewarding instead of punishing kids for doing it. I want to change the world so that everyone can work around our issues without having to ask others to make exceptions for us. -- source link